New guy is great minus his looks, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it eye color? I had a perfectly wonderful not-super-attractive engineer who had blue eyes. But since i was a child i knew i would never spend my life with anyone with blue eyes. And we couldn't make it last. And lo, my DH of 15 yrs has deep soulful brown eyes.

i am utterly perplexed by this.

NP. As am I!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it eye color? I had a perfectly wonderful not-super-attractive engineer who had blue eyes. But since i was a child i knew i would never spend my life with anyone with blue eyes. And we couldn't make it last. And lo, my DH of 15 yrs has deep soulful brown eyes.

i am utterly perplexed by this.

NP. As am I!!!!!!!!!!

+1. The OP of this little post is nutty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it eye color? I had a perfectly wonderful not-super-attractive engineer who had blue eyes. But since i was a child i knew i would never spend my life with anyone with blue eyes. And we couldn't make it last. And lo, my DH of 15 yrs has deep soulful brown eyes.

i am utterly perplexed by this.

NP. As am I!!!!!!!!!!

+1. The OP of this little post is nutty.

+1. I never cared about eye color, but DH has blue eyes and I love it. It's getting rarer and rarer. I'm sure extremely few of the next generation will have it.

[Anonymous]

I'm having the same issue with my boyfriend. He's fixed the hair issue all on his own but no matter what I do I can't get him to change his day to day dress. He looks horrible in tshirts. He's gained weight and they just cling to his belly. He looks hot in a nicely fit button down shirt. It emphasizes his broad shoulders and nice arms. I just compliment him as much as I can when he looks nice and dress myself up a little more so he'll follow suit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it eye color? I had a perfectly wonderful not-super-attractive engineer who had blue eyes. But since i was a child i knew i would never spend my life with anyone with blue eyes. And we couldn't make it last. And lo, my DH of 15 yrs has deep soulful brown eyes.

i am utterly perplexed by this.

NP. As am I!!!!!!!!!!

+1. The OP of this little post is nutty.

I read it as a joke. No?

[Anonymous]

Are you really going to let a great guy go because of how he dresses himself? You must be very young. I had a great guy who didn't look like I expected my eventual husband to look, but I was pushing 35 and knew I didn't really have time for such shallowness, and forced myself to grow the hell up. 5 years later we and our kids are super happy. I buy shirts for him and he loves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you really going to let a great guy go because of how he dresses himself? You must be very young. I had a great guy who didn't look like I expected my eventual husband to look, but I was pushing 35 and knew I didn't really have time for such shallowness, and forced myself to grow the hell up. 5 years later we and our kids are super happy. I buy shirts for him and he loves it.

We're both 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you really going to let a great guy go because of how he dresses himself? You must be very young. I had a great guy who didn't look like I expected my eventual husband to look, but I was pushing 35 and knew I didn't really have time for such shallowness, and forced myself to grow the hell up. 5 years later we and our kids are super happy. I buy shirts for him and he loves it.

We're both 30.

ok. I'll ask again. Are you really going to let a great guy go because of how he dresses himself?

[Anonymous]

It's not just his clothing, I don't find him that physically attractive. His physical features, complexion, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not just his clothing, I don't find him that physically attractive. His physical features, complexion, etc.

But is he a good partner? Mine wasn't "my type" either but his commitment to our relationship is a turn-on. Physical attractiveness isn't COMPLETELY worthless, but it's close. (the guy I dated right before him I was very attracted to, but he had abysmal relationship skills and saying goodbye was not a problem.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not just his clothing, I don't find him that physically attractive. His physical features, complexion, etc.

Then let him go and find someone who is smitten with him - he deserves that. Or let him know you're not feeling the chemistry and let HIM decide if he wants to remain in the relationship. It's not fair to him to be with him because you're scared of being alone, when he still has the chance to find someone who really loves him and is attracted to him.

Attraction is very important, no matter how great the guy is. Don't stay with him for selfish reasons, he will be miserable down the line in a sexless marriage and that's not fair to him.

And I'm a DW, btw.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to feel this way when you are just getting to know someone and trying to figure out if you are a good match. In six months if you are still waffly then it's time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just his clothing, I don't find him that physically attractive. His physical features, complexion, etc.

Then let him go and find someone who is smitten with him - he deserves that. Or let him know you're not feeling the chemistry and let HIM decide if he wants to remain in the relationship. It's not fair to him to be with him because you're scared of being alone, when he still has the chance to find someone who really loves him and is attracted to him.

Attraction is very important, no matter how great the guy is. Don't stay with him for selfish reasons, he will be miserable down the line in a sexless marriage and that's not fair to him.

And I'm a DW, btw.

DH here, totally agree. It's one thing if someone is not your perfect physical ideal but the sexual chemistry is great. But your situation is forced. Trust me when I say this - marriage is hard, keeping sexual intimacy is hard over the long term. if you don't have organic chemistry to start with, you are both doomed (unless neither of you care about sex).

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you really going to let a great guy go because of how he dresses himself? You must be very young. I had a great guy who didn't look like I expected my eventual husband to look, but I was pushing 35 and knew I didn't really have time for such shallowness, and forced myself to grow the hell up. 5 years later we and our kids are super happy. I buy shirts for him and he loves it.

We're both 30.

LOL, hear that biological clock ticking?

[Anonymous]

Fast forward 5 years, and you don't want to have sex with him AT ALL. GTFOH and let him go to someone who appreciates him.