Taking the plunge (adoption)

[Anonymous]

But why is it "something you have always wanted to do"?


Adoption isn't something you do. Adoption is a choice you make to build a family and parent a child. Notwithstanding special needs, adoption brings with it challenges and losses for the child. So even a non special needs child is going to have questions and issues surrounding adoption whether they voice those issues to you or not.

Whether you can admit it or not, you are viewing adoption as a way to save a child or thinking you are gifting the child something.

Wow, just wow. Glad we all now know the rules. Only people who have the right (according to PP) verbiage to express their desires and who do adoption this PPs way are worthy to adopt.

OP, sounds like you've educated yourself. Now it's time to ignore the naysayers, especially the sanctimonious poster who seems to have all of the answers, and do what you think is right. When I did my second adoption, I went out of birth order and did the adoption very soon after the first. You would not believe how many people were negative and who predicted that my family would fall apart and my house would be a major disaster. Guess what? It didn't happen. Sure, there were challenges. Sure, it took time to help the kids learn to trust, need and love. Sure, it took time to deal with their special needs (which were known, though it was not possible to tell the level at the time I met them). But, I have a happy, healthy, bonded, successful family. If I had listened to the naysayers, I would have lost out on the opportunity to parent a wonderful boy and my kids would not have had this amazing sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But why is it "something you have always wanted to do"?


Adoption isn't something you do. Adoption is a choice you make to build a family and parent a child. Notwithstanding special needs, adoption brings with it challenges and losses for the child. So even a non special needs child is going to have questions and issues surrounding adoption whether they voice those issues to you or not.

Whether you can admit it or not, you are viewing adoption as a way to save a child or thinking you are gifting the child something.

Wow, just wow. Glad we all now know the rules. Only people who have the right (according to PP) verbiage to express their desires and who do adoption this PPs way are worthy to adopt.

OP, sounds like you've educated yourself. Now it's time to ignore the naysayers, especially the sanctimonious poster who seems to have all of the answers, and do what you think is right. When I did my second adoption, I went out of birth order and did the adoption very soon after the first. You would not believe how many people were negative and who predicted that my family would fall apart and my house would be a major disaster. Guess what? It didn't happen. Sure, there were challenges. Sure, it took time to help the kids learn to trust, need and love. Sure, it took time to deal with their special needs (which were known, though it was not possible to tell the level at the time I met them). But, I have a happy, healthy, bonded, successful family. If I had listened to the naysayers, I would have lost out on the opportunity to parent a wonderful boy and my kids would not have had this amazing sibling.

Thank you.

I'm in contact with an agency and have been researching my options near me, and we'll see if I qualify and move forwards from there. My sister is already talking about if I adopt the little one he may be able to attend her preschool (which integrates special needs and typical kiddos - she teaches there). I think she's getting to be as excited as I am.

As for the older one there are two schools for the deaf that he could attend, or there are public school programs. Because of language access, a school for the deaf would be idea.

We'll see. I may hear back from the agency that I don't qualify yet. Or I may be qualified and get their files and decide to pursue one, both, or neither of them.

[Anonymous]

I am a huge pro-adoption person, and an adoptee and adoptive person myself. I think it would be great if you pursued one of these two children at this time, despite being single. But I would be hesitant to adopt two children at once, special needs or not. In fact, my adoption agency did not allow adoptions within a year of having adopted or given birth to another child. I think they base that on the belief that it is better to allow time for bonding and becoming familiar with the situation with one child before bringing another into the picture. I would suggest that you talk to the social worker at your agency to discuss whether pursuing both simultaenously really is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

^^ adoptive parent, not adoptive 'person.' Autocorrect!

[Anonymous]

OP, my spouse and I adopted a sibling group. Two have some big behavioral SN due to prenatal exposures. My advice to you would be to adopt one at a time. I think the PP who posted about the realities of the CP correction process sounded like he/she really understood the difficulties, and I think it would be tough to manage that along with a 6 year old.

I will tell you that I am glad that my kids have each other, and it would have been a life-altering tragedy for them had they been separated. But because we have a significant amount of logistical and SN challenges, it is often quite difficult to have a chance to truly enjoy parenting in the way that I think we would have had we adopted one child at a time.

Were I considering your choices, I would probably opt for adopting only the 6 year old---because of the huge difference that focused bonding could make for a child his age. My youngest was 6 when we adopted, and that age is definitely not too old for meaningful bonding. Were you to have to contend with the intense physical needs of a much younger child with a physical disability, especially as a single parent, then I think that you will realistically be too tired to give the 6 year old the level of attention he needs and deserves as well.