Pregnant and husband has been sleeping with intern

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see how an open/alternative marriage can work for some people but both sides have to be benefitting. How does OP benefit from one? If he will do this while his kids are in utero, chances are slim he will be Dad of the Year when they arrive. He's going to take time from chasing intern pussy to come for night feeding duty? Doubt it. Op could do it on her own with his child support and be free of his bullshit.

You are, again, ignoring the medical issue. Go back and read the original post, carefully. OP's husband is not a "sex addict". How could he be, when he is hardly having any sex, except with the intern. It is NOT the fault of OP and I really feel for her, but this is a clear case of sexual deprivation/dysfunction at home. That is why the open relationship is being proposed in this thread, because OP through no fault of her own, cannot have sex very often. So assuming the medical issue cannot be resolved, one option is to open the relationship by consent.

My gut is that OP is fake anyway, precisely because she has never revisited the medical issue. In real life, a person in her situation would recognize it as the central issue, and would have obsessed about it and have a lot to say about it in the thread.

[Anonymous]

Is the medical condition new? Did he know it before the marriage? Also, OP, how much money does he make? That matters too.

But I agree this "escalation" of his behavior is hardly shocking.

[Anonymous]

Well, it sounds like you married and stayed with a man whose behavior has been pretty consistent for at least a decade. And during that decade you gave him some sort of pass for continuing to behave this way (at least to some extent.)

Now you are about to have twins.

I am a mother of twins, in a solid marriage with a terrific guy whom I trust completely. Managing twins tested our marriage more than I ever thought possible. I cannot imagine taking that on in an already tenuous relationship.

You are in for some very rough times OP.

I suggest a lot of counseling - ASAP. Start with you so you can figure out what you actually want. Then consider marital counseling and individual counseling for him (if that is appropriate given what you decide and what your husband wants/is willing to do.)

You really really need to figure some things out before the babies get here - you will not have time, energy, or bandwidth to deal with anything else once they are born.

This is an emergency. Get your life in order before those babies come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how an open/alternative marriage can work for some people but both sides have to be benefitting. How does OP benefit from one? If he will do this while his kids are in utero, chances are slim he will be Dad of the Year when they arrive. He's going to take time from chasing intern pussy to come for night feeding duty? Doubt it. Op could do it on her own with his child support and be free of his bullshit.

You are, again, ignoring the medical issue. Go back and read the original post, carefully. OP's husband is not a "sex addict". How could he be, when he is hardly having any sex, except with the intern. It is NOT the fault of OP and I really feel for her, but this is a clear case of sexual deprivation/dysfunction at home. That is why the open relationship is being proposed in this thread, because OP through no fault of her own, cannot have sex very often. So assuming the medical issue cannot be resolved, one option is to open the relationship by consent.

My gut is that OP is fake anyway, precisely because she has never revisited the medical issue. In real life, a person in her situation would recognize it as the central issue, and would have obsessed about it and have a lot to say about it in the thread.

I didn't say he was a sex addict. However, he too chose to marry a woman with a medical condition and get her pregnant, knowing the supposed medical condition. So how exactly is he any less culpable than Op? Both made a decision to be with a person and start a family with a person who clearly was not properly matched for them. However, there are kids now and if op thinks she won't quickly have a bunch of hostility build up from staying home with twins while her DH pursues the "open" end of their relationship, she's deluding herself. Because guess what, having an open marriage doesn't mean shit when you're the one caring for twins and don't have time or energy or the medical ability to take advantage of the openness. That's basically her saying her husband can do whatever she wants while she sits at home with the kids hoping he comes home to them once in awhile.

[Anonymous]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Divorce and find someone who really loves you.

[Anonymous]

OP - You need to get to a therapist ASAP to figure out your relationship with your DH as well as how you will decide to handle having twins. Then possibly the idea of a therapist for both of you who does deal with alternative lifestyles is a good suggestion in your case because the typical poster on this site may have no idea of how such a construct could work, especially with young children.

I think you need to line up assistance with the twins well ahead of time as you can't count on DH being there much for you or the babies. I also think you need to see a lawyer to understand how you might choose to proceed. Also you need to get a clear picture of your finances and from other threads on related topics if you really do not know how DH would react to even a separation so you could clear your head, never mind a divorce, try and get a separate account set up for yourself to be sure to have a financial source to fall back on.

[Anonymous]

From a Previous poster "I am a mother of twins, in a solid marriage with a terrific guy whom I trust completely. Managing twins tested our marriage more than I ever thought possible. I cannot imagine taking that on in an already tenuous relationship."

+1 here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should clearly define what your boundaries and expectations are at this time. If he agrees to them the. He needs help. You both need counseling regardless and at this point you need to take care of your physical and mental health for the sake of your children. You can't control his behavior or what he will and won't do, but you can and must figure out you. You're a mom and these two precious babies come first. They need to see a dad who loves and respects heir mom and a mom who loves and respects herself. Off that can't happen in the next several months before they arrive them he's gotta go.

+Post nup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:True story. Nurse friend had affair with married Doctor. Got pregnant and married him after divorce. Twenty years later he gets nurse pregnant. Next wife just steps in to place. None of this is surprising. You should not be surprised.

Donna Stone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how an open/alternative marriage can work for some people but both sides have to be benefitting. How does OP benefit from one? If he will do this while his kids are in utero, chances are slim he will be Dad of the Year when they arrive. He's going to take time from chasing intern pussy to come for night feeding duty? Doubt it. Op could do it on her own with his child support and be free of his bullshit.

This is an entirely different issue. He may or may not be a a decent father.

He's having sex with other women while his wife is pregnant. His kids don't appear to be a priority.

Debatable. His wife definitely isn't a priority, his job isn't a priority, but there's not much he can do with the kids until they are born.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a shell of a woman. You need therapy!

[Anonymous]

OP -- give the babies up for adoption and start your life over. You sound like a troll who needs "get real" advice.