Would you be a sugar baby?

[Anonymous]

Btdt. No regrets at all.

As long as you are ok with it, go for it.

[Anonymous]

I wish I could see what the alternative universe thread on here would look like where a 37 year old guy proposed the idea of arranging for a 25 year old student to have sex with him a few times a week for 18 months in exchange for paying her tuition.

I'm guessing that wouldn't have been as well received.

[Anonymous]

I would only have done this at your age if I was attracted to the guy and cared about him, but this means I would have quickly fallen in love with him when we started to have sex, and then I would have resented him for not wanting a "real relationship" with me.

If you are attracted to him, can't you date him "for real"? The sugar baby arrangement makes it seem that he is paying you to do things a wife/girlfriend would do, PLUS to go away quietly when he gets tired of you. The predetermined monetary sums/tuition are payment to get rid of you when he is ready. If he cared about you, he would never want to let you go, and he would date/marry you. If on any level you care about him, be careful because if you go into this and he just says he is done one day, you'll feel like dirt.

If he feels like paying his girlfriend/wife's tuition or whatever, that's a really nice gift, but the arrangement you mention has the potential to break your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would only have done this at your age if I was attracted to the guy and cared about him, but this means I would have quickly fallen in love with him when we started to have sex, and then I would have resented him for not wanting a "real relationship" with me.

If you are attracted to him, can't you date him "for real"? The sugar baby arrangement makes it seem that he is paying you to do things a wife/girlfriend would do, PLUS to go away quietly when he gets tired of you. The predetermined monetary sums/tuition are payment to get rid of you when he is ready. If he cared about you, he would never want to let you go, and he would date/marry you. If on any level you care about him, be careful because if you go into this and he just says he is done one day, you'll feel like dirt.

If he feels like paying his girlfriend/wife's tuition or whatever, that's a really nice gift, but the arrangement you mention has the potential to break your heart.

I didn't get the idea that OP was interested in the guy beyond having her bills paid. I doubt she's going to get her heart broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would turn it down flat if it were a stranger, but I've known his guys for years. We discussed that he will pay my tuition and I would get gifts, without me feeling like I actually getting cash in hand for our arrangement. It would be 1-2 times a week when he is in town ( travels 1-2 weeks a month).

This arrangement can end whenever I want it to. He has done this once before a couple years back. Honestly I've been struggling badly and I've had to put off school before to save money to pay. I don't want to do that again.

To the pp - Have you been through identity theft? I had a family member take out CC in my name before I even had my own CC. I was just able to get a CC to build credit. Getting negative marks with no credit to start off is really bad. I do not qualify for financial aid or pell grants. The student loans want a co-signer but I have no one willing to co-sign. The ones I do have only cover half tuition, and I was able to obtain w.o a credit check. Trust me, I've exhausted all options for years. I know what I'm talking about.

Serious question but how is this different than prostitution?

oh stop it with the judgment. Most marriages are glorified prostitution.

How so?

Men pay the bills the woman sleeps with him.

or

the woman pays the bill and the man sleeps with her

or

the woman pays the bill and the woman sleeps with her

or

the man pays the bill and the may sleeps with him

Or both pay the bills, like most marriages around here?

In the US 1/3 of households have 2 incomes. (this does not include households with 0 people working) So not MOST.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men pay the bills the woman sleeps with him.

or

the woman pays the bill and the man sleeps with her

or

the woman pays the bill and the woman sleeps with her

or

the man pays the bill and the may sleeps with him

So, in any marriage where one partner makes all or most of the money, the other partner is a prostitute.

OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men pay the bills the woman sleeps with him.

or

the woman pays the bill and the man sleeps with her

or

the woman pays the bill and the woman sleeps with her

or

the man pays the bill and the may sleeps with him

So, in any marriage where one partner makes all or most of the money, the other partner is a prostitute.

OK.

Either it is or it is not.

Just like if a guy buys you a drink and you bang him, you are or you are not.

I did not say it is, but if bills/place to stay/money for sex is prostitution with no gray area then yes marriage with 1 working person is prostitution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He is 37 and 24 years younger than my dad. I've had sex with him twice before during drunk hookups. I tend it like older men ( 30-40) so the age difference is no issue.

This changed my answer. If you have already had sex with him, this essentially becomes a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It doesn't say much for his character that he'd rather offer you money than a relationship, but okay. It's a pretty good deal to pass on. Tuition and free room and board. And it's only for 1-2 years?

Just make sure this is something you can live with. Something you can explain to your husband later without shame. If you can do this and hold your head up high, then it's no one's business.

Before you agree though, make sure everything is absolutely spelled out. Tuition and books, all food and utilities, plus some monthly spending money. Skip the gifts...that's too undefined. He could mean chocolates and flowers, not jewelry you could pawn. Also determine what happens if you meet someone. Does he want exclusivity? What if he meets someone? Under what circumstances could he ask you to leave the house? If he terminates early, does he still pay tuition?

Why would she need to explain this arrangment to her future husband? He's likely running around sowing his wild oats and banging random girls on the weekend while he's single as well.

Sowing wild oats and selling sex for cash are two different things.

Sure it is different but is it better? Is it better to bang multiple girls lying about your intentions and dumping them when they don't serve your purpose anymore better than an agreement like OP's?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very much a prude. But this is nothing more than a friend with benefit with more benefits.

You know him, you care for him. You don't love him or want to spend the rest of your life with him.

I think you need an exit plan but otherwise go for it.

No, Friends with Benefits is not one person paying another person for sex. That's called something else.

The question is, would she have a sexual relationship with this man absent the cash? If the answer is no, then...

Better to have uncommitted sex and no payout than uncommitted sex and a payout?

You're weird.

Sex for money is prostitution. The prostitute is only doing it for the money. Sex between 2 consenting adults is either dating, having a fling or a number of possibilities but it doesn't include money for sex.

I actually view prostitution as an opportunity for men/woman to have sex with a woman/man without any strings, not calls, not stalking ... it comes with a fee.

OP is not just having sex, they are going to dinner, movies and having a genuine caring relationship. That is not part of prostitution.

[Anonymous]

Ask him for an interest free loan.

You would feel bad taking money from him, but don't feel bad having sex in exchange for money?

I say let him extend credit to you to cover your education and you get on a repayment schedule. Keep your relationship with him separate.

[Anonymous]

Stays out late
Bills ain't paid
Sugarbaby givin' up on the downtown
Sugar's gotta get out

Sugar's goin' goodnight
Your baby's leaving you
Sugar's cuttin' the lights
So baby
Goodbye, sleep tight, goodnight

Hey sugar, What sugar, Who sugarbaby
Hey sugar, What sugar, Who sugar

She's undone
He can't come
Still time for her to go get some

The season
Of the trust fund
Handbags by Louis Vuitton now

S'all uptown
Chanel gowns
Brownstones on
Lex with the top down

What's that sound
Ching Ching now
Sugar baby needs a sugar daddy now now
Sugar's gotta get out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very much a prude. But this is nothing more than a friend with benefit with more benefits.

You know him, you care for him. You don't love him or want to spend the rest of your life with him.

I think you need an exit plan but otherwise go for it.

No, Friends with Benefits is not one person paying another person for sex. That's called something else.

The question is, would she have a sexual relationship with this man absent the cash? If the answer is no, then...

Better to have uncommitted sex and no payout than uncommitted sex and a payout?

You're weird.

Sex for money is prostitution. The prostitute is only doing it for the money. Sex between 2 consenting adults is either dating, having a fling or a number of possibilities but it doesn't include money for sex.

I actually view prostitution as an opportunity for men/woman to have sex with a woman/man without any strings, not calls, not stalking ... it comes with a fee.

OP is not just having sex, they are going to dinner, movies and having a genuine caring relationship. That is not part of prostitution.

A caring relationship contracted for a fee is not a caring relationship. As many have said, if she's unwilling to have this same caring relationship without getting the cash, then it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

The guy sounds shady. Who does this?

[Anonymous]

As a professional woman with two graduate degrees in her early 40s with loans and credit card bills that were used to support my basic living expenses in my 20s (rent, books, etc.) that I feel I will never, ever, ever get out from underneath of, I say go for it. I am shackled with debt even though I've had a job since I was 13 and I don't live beyond my means. But I have gotten a great education and lived in more expensive cities and, like you, have made something of myself despite my poverty-stricken childhood with a mentally ill single parent. My only regret is that I didn't do something like this when I was younger. And you really have none of the concerns that would worry me--trying to establish this relationship with a stranger, trying to do this with someone you found physically revolting or someone whose company you didn't enjoy. He's a nice guy who you already know isn't a freak. He's ok in bed. He's done this before. GO FOR IT.

But, I really would just embrace it and do it right. Screw feeling too morally shy to get a good deal for yourself. If you're doing it, do it smart. Tuition PLUS other stuff--not "gifts" and not cash. Tangible stuff. Like rent. And have it paid in advance (it will help take out the transactional nature of it). And you two need a real conversation re: whether you are permitted to date others and also talk birth control and STD protection. And have an end date. It will be helpful to you both. The exit is the thing that could get really, really messy. For both of you. What if you want out and he doesn't? Vice versa. Have clear conversations now so it's workable when it ends. And good luck.

And when it's over, don't look back. You are alone in this world. You did what you needed to do and it doesn't have to define who you will be later.

[Anonymous]

If you do it, please blog daily about it.