HS Party with Alcohol... Death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think your teen has been to a party without alcohol, you've been duped.

So...I never went to parties with alcohol when I was a teen. I'm only 31 -- not like it was ages ago. Lots of my friends went, I was just introverted and not into that scene.

Just because you went to parties as a teen, doesn't mean everyone did!

Some parents seem to enjoy getting duped. Makes them feel superior perhaps.

Hon, my kids are 1 and 4. They're probably not drinking behind my back.

And I was talking about me, remember? Clearly I can state that I didn't dupe my parents. Your comment is borderline nonsensical, given the context.

[Anonymous]

When I was in practice, i had to monitor states with "host liability law" meaning if you are the host, whether you are a drinking establishment or parents, you are liable for what happens if you are serving alcohol. I just checked - Maryland is one of them that has this law so the parents are liable. I have never and will never have a party for my almost adult teenagers with alcohol. I'm too old and have seen too many of these tragic deaths. http://injury.findlaw.com/accident-injury-law/social-host-liability.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I haven't yet heard if whichever adults who hosted the underaged drinking party will be charged. I'm sorry, they needed to be charged, or this will KEEP happening. This is a HUGE problem with the irresponsible parents who think they're doing their kids a favor.

Yes, because banning minors from consuming alcohol in your home guarantees they will not drink and drive. No wonder our culture is so screwed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think your teen has been to a party without alcohol, you've been duped.

So...I never went to parties with alcohol when I was a teen. I'm only 31 -- not like it was ages ago. Lots of my friends went, I was just introverted and not into that scene.

Just because you went to parties as a teen, doesn't mean everyone did!

Some parents seem to enjoy getting duped. Makes them feel superior perhaps.

Hon, my kids are 1 and 4. They're probably not drinking behind my back.

And I was talking about me, remember? Clearly I can state that I didn't dupe my parents. Your comment is borderline nonsensical, given the context.

I am sure they are drinking something behind your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?

Put the car in front of the school along with details about the crash including not wearing seat belts.

Leave it there for the first week of school.

Then move it to other schools in the area.

Include pictures of the boys killed and a description of their goals and dreams.

That is what I would do.

Exactly this is done every year at every high school in the area. It's sponsored by SADD, among others, I'm sure.
You don't understand the teenage brain even though you had one once.

[Anonymous]

I had a graduation party for my DD on the very same day. There was no alcohol served. After a while, DH suggested that we (the parents) go for a drive, as we had put all the food and drinks out and the kids were busy socializing. I refused because even if I was not serving alcohol, I wanted the kids to know that I was around. I remember telling DH that I want to make sure all these kids make it back safely home because I don't want to read about them in the newspaper the next morning.

Every so often, I would go around collecting plates, cans etc. replenishing food etc. so I could keep an eye on them. And I made it a point to be there to bid them goodnight as each of them left so that I could gauge that they were not secretly drinking, or high or something else. I was ready to intervene if I felt that they were impaired.

I feel that all HS kids, even the studious ones, are capable of making bad decisions. Even if you do not serve alcohol, they might drink in the car - not because they have a problem, but they are just in high spirits and think that they need to assert their independence. I think parents need to NOT serve alcohol AS well as tell the kids that they need to take a taxi or uber if they plan to drink. AND always wear a seatbelt. This should be ingrained in them.

And if they do drink - they should know that your expectation is that they will take a taxi home. Just this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teen, my mom's policy was that it was okay that I drank in moderation but that I should never, ever drink and drive. She told me that I could always call her to pick me up at any time of night and she would do it. She would tell me that every time I left the house to go anywhere.

I had a party for high school graduation at my house and my mom allowed drinking but took everyone's keys and wouldn't let them leave unless they told her who was designated driver and she made sure they weren't drunk.

For the reasons stated above (kids lie and will just lie to you), I do not agree that telling your kids not to drink is the right answer. You need to teach them to drink responsibly. I think my mom was pretty succesful in doing that with her methods and I plan to follow a version of them.

Responsible EXCEPT I still would have a huge problem with this unless she had communicated to all the other parents that she would be allowing drinking. This is where we've had many threads and battles on DCUM. It's great that your mom was taking care of the kids who were drinking, but it's not okay that she allowed it in the first place without consulting the other parents. I'd be pissed if my kid were one of the guests.

As a parent now, I think you're probably right that she should have had some other buy-in from the parents. (She may have? I honestly can't remember). And as a lawyer now, I would never do this because I know I'd risk liability. But the principle she was getting at - teaching me to drink responsibly and making a huge deal about NOT drinking and driving are what I think she got right. Of course, I still drove a few times when I shouldn't have but I think I was pretty responsible over all and as compared to some of my friends.

The scary thing for me, as a parent, is that we can teach our kids perfectly and they still might screw up. There is no getting it 100% right. And if my kids don't screw up, some other kid might. My first cousin was killed in a car wreck in college by a car full of drunk boys (also college students). She was not drinking and was going to pick up a friend who needed a ride home because the friend had been drinking. My cousin did everything right and she still died.

[Anonymous]

Sure, there are no guarantees, but why are parents allowing their kids to go, in the first place? For a "dry" run to see how college will be? Is that responsible parenting?

"Hey, if my parents let me do it in high school, of course it's ok to do it in college."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The driver had an alcohol citation in March and another in ocean city earlier this month. It makes me ill he still had access to a car.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?

Put the car in front of the school along with details about the crash including not wearing seat belts.

Leave it there for the first week of school.

Then move it to other schools in the area.

Include pictures of the boys killed and a description of their goals and dreams.

That is what I would do.

Exactly this is done every year at every high school in the area. It's sponsored by SADD, among others, I'm sure.
You don't understand the teenage brain even though you had one once.

These boys are their classmates and friends. It will make an impact, especially while it is so fresh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?

Put the car in front of the school along with details about the crash including not wearing seat belts.

Leave it there for the first week of school.

Then move it to other schools in the area.

Include pictures of the boys killed and a description of their goals and dreams.

That is what I would do.

Exactly this is done every year at every high school in the area. It's sponsored by SADD, among others, I'm sure.
You don't understand the teenage brain even though you had one once.

I get what you are saying but I have a problem with this attitude as it kind of seems to say "do nothing, you can never stop this problem". And I just think for many, that isn't acceptable. Yes, this kind of problem will always exist but I think doing nothing does nothing except to ensure status quo or allow it to get worse. Taking at least some thought and trying to help with preventative measures that have ANY kind of success is worth it. It is worth it to try to lessen the occurrence of this kind of tragedy. Mitigating problems somewhat is better than doing nothing just because you can't eliminate them completely. Also FWIW, my dad was in car insurance (claims) when I was growing up and would have a stack of photos (pre-digital age!) on the desk at all times and you know what, some of the horrific drunk driving ones he made us look at DID sink in as teens. In my teen brain. Would it for every single teen? Nope. But it will for some.

[Anonymous]

I am in the "No Alcohol At All" camp, but I also think that you should let kids know that you want them to take cabs instead of driving when they drink.

It is similar to telling kids to abstain from sex but also make condoms readily available to them and insist that they use it if they have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The driver had an alcohol citation in March and another in ocean city earlier this month. It makes me ill he still had access to a car.

Exactly.

Alcohol citation, or a drinking and driving citation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The driver had an alcohol citation in March and another in ocean city earlier this month. It makes me ill he still had access to a car.

Exactly.

Alcohol citation, or a drinking and driving citation?

Does it matter. He's underaged and drinking in public. Yet still allowed to drive a car.

George Huguely was charged with underage possession of alcohol and arrested for public drunkenness and resisting arrest. Although in his case, he beat someone to death and didn't use a car to kill his victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?

Put the car in front of the school along with details about the crash including not wearing seat belts.

Leave it there for the first week of school.

Then move it to other schools in the area.

Include pictures of the boys killed and a description of their goals and dreams.

That is what I would do.

Exactly this is done every year at every high school in the area. It's sponsored by SADD, among others, I'm sure.
You don't understand the teenage brain even though you had one once.

I get what you are saying but I have a problem with this attitude as it kind of seems to say "do nothing, you can never stop this problem". And I just think for many, that isn't acceptable. Yes, this kind of problem will always exist but I think doing nothing does nothing except to ensure status quo or allow it to get worse. Taking at least some thought and trying to help with preventative measures that have ANY kind of success is worth it. It is worth it to try to lessen the occurrence of this kind of tragedy. Mitigating problems somewhat is better than doing nothing just because you can't eliminate them completely. Also FWIW, my dad was in car insurance (claims) when I was growing up and would have a stack of photos (pre-digital age!) on the desk at all times and you know what, some of the horrific drunk driving ones he made us look at DID sink in as teens. In my teen brain. Would it for every single teen? Nope. But it will for some.

Just saying that your idea is already happening every year at every high school.