HS Party with Alcohol... Death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?

Put the car in front of the school along with details about the crash including not wearing seat belts.

Leave it there for the first week of school.

Then move it to other schools in the area.

Include pictures of the boys killed and a description of their goals and dreams.

That is what I would do.

[Anonymous]

In addition, how about "Just Say No"?
I mean you, the parents, not just your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone think of something to do that will make this more "real" to the kids than a memorial by the side of the road? What can one possibly do to have this terrible accident serve as a deterrent to other kids? other parents who condone drinking? Is there anything?

Have them watch the clip in one of the previous links, that should make a huge impact.

Kids watch this stuff all the time. They see it in health class at school. It gets discussed often from 6th grade forward. But, no, it doesn't just sink in. Teenagers are impulsive and don't think clearly when they are with friends and it's even worse when they are impaired by alcohol or drugs.

So what can stop them? This is my neighborhood. I know what many of the kids are doing and it's not pretty.

Parents can start discussing the sad reality, and stop hosting/allowing attendance to the parties.

Every time you know where there's going to be a party, just give the address to the cops to check on... if you care. If there are high school kids, I guarantee you, there's underaged drinking. Otherwise no one will go. Trust me.

If only one parent cared enough to let the cops check on that party, so much senseless tragedy would have been spared.
You can be anonymous.

I don't know what it's like now, but when I was a kid, of course my parents wouldn't let me go to a party with alcohol. However, that would mean no parties. So I just lied to them about where I was going. I never drank, though, because I was driving. But a lot of kids did. The bigger problem was the parents who would leave their 16 and 17 year olds alone for the weekend while they went on a vacation and those kids would throw the huge, drug and alcohol parties. One such party was at our valedictorian's house so don't think your kids won't do this shit behind your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So...I never went to parties with alcohol when I was a teen. I'm only 31 -- not like it was ages ago. Lots of my friends went, I was just introverted and not into that scene.

Just because you went to parties as a teen, doesn't mean everyone did!

I didn't either and I'm in my early 30's too. I know there were parties with alcohol, however, my circle of friends never had alcohol. The majority of my friends were Asian though, so maybe that is the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So...I never went to parties with alcohol when I was a teen. I'm only 31 -- not like it was ages ago. Lots of my friends went, I was just introverted and not into that scene.

Just because you went to parties as a teen, doesn't mean everyone did!

I didn't either and I'm in my early 30's too. I know there were parties with alcohol, however, my circle of friends never had alcohol. The majority of my friends were Asian though, so maybe that is the difference.

Have you looked at the photos of the boys injured/killed?

[Anonymous]

It's not only parties, though; if kids want to drink, they will do it whenever there's an opportunity -- at someone's house while the parents are at work, for example. Are you going to tell your 18 year old that they can't go over to a friend's house?

I'm wondering how many of you have had a teen who has been that age -- between h.s. graduation and the start of college. It's a fine line you walk, between trying to protect them from harm and yet giving them freedom to make good decisions; after all, in a few months, they will be away on their own without you looking over their shoulder (and if you think that there's no drinking at college, it may not be on campus, but there is still a lot of drinking off-campus). It is very stressful as a parent, and although you preach and teach about the dangers of drinking and driving or riding with someone who's impaired...teens are going to do foolish things, because they can't imagine that anything bad will happen to THEM. I'm just saying, it's not as cut and dry as some of you think it is.

I do think that having a mangled car on the school lawn presents a powerful visual and gives teens something to think about. These terrible incidents need to be turned into messages for the younger students and not be quickly forgotten.

What is absolutely inexcusable is that adults would allow teens to drink at their home. I knew of a family who would let kids drink at their home, but would make them spend the night -- still very, very wrong in my eyes. I hope the adults who let this party occur are charged to the fullest extent of the law, and I hope their names are made public.

[Anonymous]

MIlitary installations regularly display mangled cars as you drive in and out of the gates. I think generally they're trying to reach a similar demographic -- guys in their late teens. Our kids have seen lots of mangled cars driving in and out of the gates of military installations. HOnestly, I think after awhile you stop paying attention and it doesn't have the same impact anymore.

I'm wondeirng about maybe something like they do at the holocaust museum. Assign each kid in the high school to write a report on another child who died in a car crash somewhere in the US? Make them actively identify with a particular person? Don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not only parties, though; if kids want to drink, they will do it whenever there's an opportunity -- at someone's house while the parents are at work, for example. Are you going to tell your 18 year old that they can't go over to a friend's house?

I'm wondering how many of you have had a teen who has been that age -- between h.s. graduation and the start of college. It's a fine line you walk, between trying to protect them from harm and yet giving them freedom to make good decisions; after all, in a few months, they will be away on their own without you looking over their shoulder (and if you think that there's no drinking at college, it may not be on campus, but there is still a lot of drinking off-campus). It is very stressful as a parent, and although you preach and teach about the dangers of drinking and driving or riding with someone who's impaired...teens are going to do foolish things, because they can't imagine that anything bad will happen to THEM. I'm just saying, it's not as cut and dry as some of you think it is.

I do think that having a mangled car on the school lawn presents a powerful visual and gives teens something to think about. These terrible incidents need to be turned into messages for the younger students and not be quickly forgotten.

What is absolutely inexcusable is that adults would allow teens to drink at their home. I knew of a family who would let kids drink at their home, but would make them spend the night -- still very, very wrong in my eyes. I hope the adults who let this party occur are charged to the fullest extent of the law, and I hope their names are made public.

I remember the year before me in HS, there were two very popular high school kids that died in a drunk driving car accident, driving home from a school party. They didn't display the car, but we all knew about it, where it had happened, on what road, etc. We all knew they, and everyone else, had been drinking. It was a powerful deterrent for a few years, while the memory was fresh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not only parties, though; if kids want to drink, they will do it whenever there's an opportunity -- at someone's house while the parents are at work, for example. Are you going to tell your 18 year old that they can't go over to a friend's house?

I'm wondering how many of you have had a teen who has been that age -- between h.s. graduation and the start of college. It's a fine line you walk, between trying to protect them from harm and yet giving them freedom to make good decisions; after all, in a few months, they will be away on their own without you looking over their shoulder (and if you think that there's no drinking at college, it may not be on campus, but there is still a lot of drinking off-campus). It is very stressful as a parent, and although you preach and teach about the dangers of drinking and driving or riding with someone who's impaired...teens are going to do foolish things, because they can't imagine that anything bad will happen to THEM. I'm just saying, it's not as cut and dry as some of you think it is.

I do think that having a mangled car on the school lawn presents a powerful visual and gives teens something to think about. These terrible incidents need to be turned into messages for the younger students and not be quickly forgotten.

What is absolutely inexcusable is that adults would allow teens to drink at their home. I knew of a family who would let kids drink at their home, but would make them spend the night -- still very, very wrong in my eyes. I hope the adults who let this party occur are charged to the fullest extent of the law, and I hope their names are made public.

I used to spend the night at a friend's house as a teen and justified it to my parents that this was the preferable option to driving after drinking to meet a curfew. This is the reality of most teens - alcohol is very prevalent at parties. I was a good student, an athlete, somewhat responsible and wanted to maintain an honest relationship with my parents. Your kids will find a way to engage in these activities while either being honest with you or deceiving you to maintain their freedom. It was evident to me in college who had strict upbringings because those were the kids going nuts.

I have young kids now and am struggling with how to handle this when they reach this stage. I want them to be honest with me and I will focus on keeping them safe. An, but the details...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIlitary installations regularly display mangled cars as you drive in and out of the gates. I think generally they're trying to reach a similar demographic -- guys in their late teens. Our kids have seen lots of mangled cars driving in and out of the gates of military installations. HOnestly, I think after awhile you stop paying attention and it doesn't have the same impact anymore.

I'm wondeirng about maybe something like they do at the holocaust museum. Assign each kid in the high school to write a report on another child who died in a car crash somewhere in the US? Make them actively identify with a particular person? Don't know.

Yes, but this car at that school should have an impact.

Some random smashed car means nothing.

The car of the kid you sat next to in math last week will make an impact on these kids.

[Anonymous]

Langley High School has done this. The police or some other entity brings by a really smashed up car and leaves it out front for a week to make the kids think. And adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the parents were home-- the article said that when the cops went to the house, there were still partiers on the front lawn and the parents were home. Wow.

Well, then, they are liable. And incredibly stupid. I'm referring to the parents of course.

[Anonymous]

As a teen, my mom's policy was that it was okay that I drank in moderation but that I should never, ever drink and drive. She told me that I could always call her to pick me up at any time of night and she would do it. She would tell me that every time I left the house to go anywhere.

I had a party for high school graduation at my house and my mom allowed drinking but took everyone's keys and wouldn't let them leave unless they told her who was designated driver and she made sure they weren't drunk.

For the reasons stated above (kids lie and will just lie to you), I do not agree that telling your kids not to drink is the right answer. You need to teach them to drink responsibly. I think my mom was pretty succesful in doing that with her methods and I plan to follow a version of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teen, my mom's policy was that it was okay that I drank in moderation but that I should never, ever drink and drive. She told me that I could always call her to pick me up at any time of night and she would do it. She would tell me that every time I left the house to go anywhere.

I had a party for high school graduation at my house and my mom allowed drinking but took everyone's keys and wouldn't let them leave unless they told her who was designated driver and she made sure they weren't drunk.

For the reasons stated above (kids lie and will just lie to you), I do not agree that telling your kids not to drink is the right answer. You need to teach them to drink responsibly. I think my mom was pretty succesful in doing that with her methods and I plan to follow a version of them.

Responsible EXCEPT I still would have a huge problem with this unless she had communicated to all the other parents that she would be allowing drinking. This is where we've had many threads and battles on DCUM. It's great that your mom was taking care of the kids who were drinking, but it's not okay that she allowed it in the first place without consulting the other parents. I'd be pissed if my kid were one of the guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teen, my mom's policy was that it was okay that I drank in moderation but that I should never, ever drink and drive. She told me that I could always call her to pick me up at any time of night and she would do it. She would tell me that every time I left the house to go anywhere.

I had a party for high school graduation at my house and my mom allowed drinking but took everyone's keys and wouldn't let them leave unless they told her who was designated driver and she made sure they weren't drunk.

For the reasons stated above (kids lie and will just lie to you), I do not agree that telling your kids not to drink is the right answer. You need to teach them to drink responsibly. I think my mom was pretty succesful in doing that with her methods and I plan to follow a version of them.

This is not cool.