Boy slapped my daughter's butt on the walk from school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If a man slaps your butt at work, you report him to HR. If a 12 yr old boy slaps your butt, you hit him, yell at him, and let your parents/teacher know.

This. And it's not the end of the world--for him or for you. When I was 12, I had my butt slapped. I also kicked a guy in balls in the swimming pool when he said something mean to me.

I was in the wrong there too.

Life continued apace.

+100

[Anonymous]

This is America. No need to get the police involved, just go round and shoot him. Stand your ground!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus. Haven't read all of the responses. I don't think the lid should be arrested, but the school isn't going to just give me his address and parents' number. How am I supposed to contact them? School is over.

How about let it go.

How about talk to your daughter and say in life (fair or not) sometimes we get unwanted advances and give her the tools to deal with them.

Let it go? That's a terrible lesson.

I have discussed it with her. I did before she started middle school. She reacted like I suggested.

Does anyone have advice on contacting his parents?

Do you have their contact information? #1 be very calm, even-keeled about it, just act like you wanted them to know, not like you're angry at them or think they are bad parents, etc.

But they ARE bad parents -- they raised a rapist, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

It means my mother told me to stand up for myself. To make clear when an advance was unwanted. She didn't talk to the principal for me and call the police. So when I grew up and faced unwanted male attention in the real world I was able to handle myself.

So if a man slaps your butt today at work, how are you going to stand up for yourself? Are you not going to report him? Is that what OP should teach her daughter, that boys will be boys and it's ridiculous to make a big deal out of unwanted touching?

If a man slapped my butt at work, I would first and foremost stand up for myself and tell him how inappropriate it was. Then I would report it to HR. Now depending on where I work, there could be social consequences for turning in a fellow employee but as a mature adult I would be able to handle that and anticipate them to some extent.

Your daughter on the other hand could get labeled unfairly, and turning in the group of boys could get her even more unwanted attention- I know that is not fair but it is how woman are treated. That is why folks are asking you to empower you daughter- not for he to take it, not to excuse the behavior. BU woman are harrassed their whole lives, it won't be the first time sadly she has to experience something like this.

But isn't the "boys will be boys"/"this is how women are treated" attitude PART of the reason that women have to face harassment? Isn't accepting that this is not a big deal tacitly accepting the behavior itself? It's also the very end of the school year- no one would remember the fallout from this next school year except the boy himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

It means my mother told me to stand up for myself. To make clear when an advance was unwanted. She didn't talk to the principal for me and call the police. So when I grew up and faced unwanted male attention in the real world I was able to handle myself.

So if a man slaps your butt today at work, how are you going to stand up for yourself? Are you not going to report him? Is that what OP should teach her daughter, that boys will be boys and it's ridiculous to make a big deal out of unwanted touching?

If a man slaps your butt at work, you report him to HR. If a 12 yr old boy slaps your butt, you hit him, yell at him, and let your parents/teacher know.

However a 12 yr old is not someone that the police need to be called in. They're all young and need to learn how to interact with the opposite genders. Its a learning opportunity for everyone.

I think there was a consensus that the police DO NOT need to be called, the question is whether the OP should inform the school and the boy's parents.

How am I supposed to get his address? That's why I would call the police because the school principal won't give it to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus. Haven't read all of the responses. I don't think the lid should be arrested, but the school isn't going to just give me his address and parents' number. How am I supposed to contact them? School is over.

How about let it go.

How about talk to your daughter and say in life (fair or not) sometimes we get unwanted advances and give her the tools to deal with them.

Let it go? That's a terrible lesson.

I have discussed it with her. I did before she started middle school. She reacted like I suggested.

Does anyone have advice on contacting his parents?

Do you have their contact information? #1 be very calm, even-keeled about it, just act like you wanted them to know, not like you're angry at them or think they are bad parents, etc.

But they ARE bad parents -- they raised a rapist, right?

No one called him a rapist other than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

It means my mother told me to stand up for myself. To make clear when an advance was unwanted. She didn't talk to the principal for me and call the police. So when I grew up and faced unwanted male attention in the real world I was able to handle myself.

So if a man slaps your butt today at work, how are you going to stand up for yourself? Are you not going to report him? Is that what OP should teach her daughter, that boys will be boys and it's ridiculous to make a big deal out of unwanted touching?

If a man slaps your butt at work, you report him to HR. If a 12 yr old boy slaps your butt, you hit him, yell at him, and let your parents/teacher know.

However a 12 yr old is not someone that the police need to be called in. They're all young and need to learn how to interact with the opposite genders. Its a learning opportunity for everyone.

I think there was a consensus that the police DO NOT need to be called, the question is whether the OP should inform the school and the boy's parents.

How am I supposed to get his address? That's why I would call the police because the school principal won't give it to me

Then that's the end of that. I wouldn't go any farther.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

It means my mother told me to stand up for myself. To make clear when an advance was unwanted. She didn't talk to the principal for me and call the police. So when I grew up and faced unwanted male attention in the real world I was able to handle myself.

So if a man slaps your butt today at work, how are you going to stand up for yourself? Are you not going to report him? Is that what OP should teach her daughter, that boys will be boys and it's ridiculous to make a big deal out of unwanted touching?

If a man slapped my butt at work, I would first and foremost stand up for myself and tell him how inappropriate it was. Then I would report it to HR. Now depending on where I work, there could be social consequences for turning in a fellow employee but as a mature adult I would be able to handle that and anticipate them to some extent.

Your daughter on the other hand could get labeled unfairly, and turning in the group of boys could get her even more unwanted attention- I know that is not fair but it is how woman are treated. That is why folks are asking you to empower you daughter- not for he to take it, not to excuse the behavior. BU woman are harrassed their whole lives, it won't be the first time sadly she has to experience something like this.

But isn't the "boys will be boys"/"this is how women are treated" attitude PART of the reason that women have to face harassment? Isn't accepting that this is not a big deal tacitly accepting the behavior itself? It's also the very end of the school year- no one would remember the fallout from this next school year except the boy himself.

The trick is not to go to one extreme or the other. We should not ignore bad behavior totally. Neither should we rush to the extreme for punishment. The degree of offense commensurate with the degree of censure.

There's also a matter of street smarts. There are some situations where sometimes taking matters into your own hands helps..like the thread where the bullied boy finally beat up his bully.

[Anonymous]

Will the principal contact his parents if it happened off of school property?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

It means my mother told me to stand up for myself. To make clear when an advance was unwanted. She didn't talk to the principal for me and call the police. So when I grew up and faced unwanted male attention in the real world I was able to handle myself.

So if a man slaps your butt today at work, how are you going to stand up for yourself? Are you not going to report him? Is that what OP should teach her daughter, that boys will be boys and it's ridiculous to make a big deal out of unwanted touching?

If a man slaps your butt at work, you report him to HR. If a 12 yr old boy slaps your butt, you hit him, yell at him, and let your parents/teacher know.

However a 12 yr old is not someone that the police need to be called in. They're all young and need to learn how to interact with the opposite genders. Its a learning opportunity for everyone.

I think there was a consensus that the police DO NOT need to be called, the question is whether the OP should inform the school and the boy's parents.

How am I supposed to get his address? That's why I would call the police because the school principal won't give it to me

Then that's the end of that. I wouldn't go any farther.

The police have better things to do then to scout down a boy's address for you. really..OP?

[Anonymous]

I'd put her in some martial arts classes so she could do a better job of fending off boys like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was that 12 yr old boy and you called the cops on me you would live to regret it., human life is worth more then a ass slap . Op not all people are calm and rational some retaliate in ways that would blow your mind, I would not risk my whole family being taken out

So... you're a thug. Awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But isn't the "boys will be boys"/"this is how women are treated" attitude PART of the reason that women have to face harassment? Isn't accepting that this is not a big deal tacitly accepting the behavior itself? It's also the very end of the school year- no one would remember the fallout from this next school year except the boy himself.

The trick is not to go to one extreme or the other. We should not ignore bad behavior totally. Neither should we rush to the extreme for punishment. The degree of offense commensurate with the degree of censure.

There's also a matter of street smarts. There are some situations where sometimes taking matters into your own hands helps..like the thread where the bullied boy finally beat up his bully.

But in that thread almost every step had been taken before "street smarts" won- the OP talked to the principal, the boy's parents, etc.

I don't know, I think this behavior warrants a call to the principal.

[Anonymous]

OMG! The best thing you can do is tell her the next time someone does that or TRIES to do that to turn around and slap the piss out of him.
And the next time she sees the kid tell him that she's going to report him to the police.
But don't really call the cops.
Do you know all the crap that goes on between middle schoolers? Teach her to stand up for herself in the moment.
Hell, my 4 yr old did that in pre-school, little boy never bothered her again. The teachers even watched her wack the crap out of that kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

It means my mother told me to stand up for myself. To make clear when an advance was unwanted. She didn't talk to the principal for me and call the police. So when I grew up and faced unwanted male attention in the real world I was able to handle myself.

So if a man slaps your butt today at work, how are you going to stand up for yourself? Are you not going to report him? Is that what OP should teach her daughter, that boys will be boys and it's ridiculous to make a big deal out of unwanted touching?

If a man slaps your butt at work, you report him to HR. If a 12 yr old boy slaps your butt, you hit him, yell at him, and let your parents/teacher know.

However a 12 yr old is not someone that the police need to be called in. They're all young and need to learn how to interact with the opposite genders. Its a learning opportunity for everyone.

I think there was a consensus that the police DO NOT need to be called, the question is whether the OP should inform the school and the boy's parents.

How am I supposed to get his address? That's why I would call the police because the school principal won't give it to me

I don't blame the school principal! Do you think the police are going to give it to you?

I was sympathetic to you at first OP, but now I'm beginning to think you are an unhinged helicopter parent.