My son left me a mean note, WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Now he just keeps those thought to his self.

Good. That's generally what humans do in a civilized society when they are thinking something really rude about another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Now he just keeps those thought to his self.

Good. That's generally what humans do in a civilized society when they are thinking something really rude about another person.

+1. Good training, good on the parent. Good progress and increasing maturity, good on the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid tried this once. I told him I'd save it along with the special birthday cards and drawings he'd made me in the past. This caused him to freak out immediately, burst into years, and beg me not to keep it because he didn't mean it and loved me so much. We then had a heart to heart about the difference between having feelings (perfectly fine) and doing or saying unkind things while feeling those feelings (not fine). That's the last nasty note I got.

Now he just keeps those thought to his self.

Well then I was successful! He's entitled to his feelings. He's not entitled to call names and leave Nastygrams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd make him write it correctly 50 - 100 times.

Brilliant - LOVE IT!!!

[Anonymous]

I would cancel the cleaner next time and give him the house to clean for an entire weekend. Then next time het is asked to straighten a few things for the cleaners, he will be a little more grateful and a lot less lip/attitude. You have to nip this in the bud. You won't believe how entitled and spoiled kids get in preteens/teens.

And I am not being sarcastic at all. I would honestly give him the vacuum, windex, furniture polisher, lysol wipes, and a wet jet or mop.

[Anonymous]

Toughen up. Soon he will be a teenager and nothing you do will be right. Ignore it. Or write make " I love you!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make him correct the grammar.

Kidding. I don't know. I'd talk to him about it - how words have consequences - and then let it go, assuming first time and he's generally a relatively empathetic boy. Maybe tell him that he can actually write down mean things that he can't say, but he should keep them private, like a journal. I don't know...that's if he likes to get things out in writing, generally, that can be helpful. But if it was a one-off, I'd probably let it go.

I actually would mention the spelling. With my younger child, the conversation might go like this.

Me: I found this note that you left me. There is something wrong with it.
Child: It's mean?
Me: Yes, it is a mean note, and it hurt my feelings. But there is something else wrong with it.
Child: ...
Me: When is it "your", and when is it "you're"?
Child: Oh.
Me: Next time you want to leave me a mean note, could you please make sure everything is spelled correctly?
Child: OK.
Me: OK. *hugs child*

I like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Raise your kids however you'd like.

If your kid knows you accept being called stupid, they will continue to call you stupid, and worse.

If you make it clear very early on that your child needs to respect you, it's very unlikely you will hear that kind of language.

Your choice.

I don't think I agree with this. If your reaction to being called stupid is to ignore or laugh, the power of the word is gone.

It's not wrong to insist on respect, as several PPs have suggested here. But I think not getting a rise can be equally effective.

It's the approach that's in between ("your words hurt me, but I won't stop it") that is likely to create problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cancel the cleaner next time and give him the house to clean for an entire weekend. Then next time het is asked to straighten a few things for the cleaners, he will be a little more grateful and a lot less lip/attitude. You have to nip this in the bud. You won't believe how entitled and spoiled kids get in preteens/teens.

And I am not being sarcastic at all. I would honestly give him the vacuum, windex, furniture polisher, lysol wipes, and a wet jet or mop.

+1

I think what everyone is missing here is this kid didn't want to move a few things for a person that comes in and cleans for him? Talk about entitled.

[Anonymous]

I'd be clear that the note was rude & I didn't appreciate it, and I'd tell him not to do that again. I've never minced words with my (now grown) kids, and I expect mutual respect. I never left them crappy notes & wouldn't have been okay with getting any. If my kids felt stifled and unable to express themselves because of my discipline, I don't really care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Kids also need to learn that there is a right way & a wrong way to express themselves. Calling your mother stupid definitely falls into the "wrong way" category. The fact that he actually wrote it in a note he left for OP makes it even worse.It's not like he said it in the heat of the moment without thinking it through or wrote "my mom's stupid" in a private diary that he had no intention of OP ever seeing. He clearly was trying to be mean & thought he could get away with being disrespectful, as well.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you date it and put it in his baby book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be clear that the note was rude & I didn't appreciate it, and I'd tell him not to do that again. I've never minced words with my (now grown) kids, and I expect mutual respect. I never left them crappy notes & wouldn't have been okay with getting any. If my kids felt stifled and unable to express themselves because of my discipline, I don't really care.

+1 Your child will learn very quickly that he should NOT think it's OK to express himself at every turn. It's called "self-control."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cancel the cleaner next time and give him the house to clean for an entire weekend. Then next time het is asked to straighten a few things for the cleaners, he will be a little more grateful and a lot less lip/attitude. You have to nip this in the bud. You won't believe how entitled and spoiled kids get in preteens/teens.

And I am not being sarcastic at all. I would honestly give him the vacuum, windex, furniture polisher, lysol wipes, and a wet jet or mop.

+1

I think what everyone is missing here is this kid didn't want to move a few things for a person that comes in and cleans for him? Talk about entitled.

I agree. I would be more upset the kid didn't want to do a small part for a cleaning lady that does, which is probably half of his chores in a normal household. The REASON he was disrespectful is more important than why he disrespectful. Both should be addressed and I love the cleaning aspect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cancel the cleaner next time and give him the house to clean for an entire weekend. Then next time het is asked to straighten a few things for the cleaners, he will be a little more grateful and a lot less lip/attitude. You have to nip this in the bud. You won't believe how entitled and spoiled kids get in preteens/teens.

And I am not being sarcastic at all. I would honestly give him the vacuum, windex, furniture polisher, lysol wipes, and a wet jet or mop.

+1

I think what everyone is missing here is this kid didn't want to move a few things for a person that comes in and cleans for him? Talk about entitled.

I agree. I would be more upset the kid didn't want to do a small part for a cleaning lady that does, which is probably half of his chores in a normal household. The REASON he was disrespectful is more important than why he disrespectful. Both should be addressed and I love the cleaning aspect.

To be clear, the reason he didn't want to clean it up was that he wanted to play with it when he finished his homework (he had tRget practice set up). My kids are required to do chores, but the problem was disrespect not avoidance of chores. He can't possibly clean as well as the cleaners and I'd have to follow him around making sure he did everything. That's more work for me than him. I told him how hurtful it was and he was very embarrassed about what Hed done. He had to apologize in writing and he lost screen time.