My son left me a mean note, WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Yes!!! Of course!!! Let it go, OP.

Do you let your kids say mean things to other kids? Would you "let it go" if your child called another child stupid? Would you be upset if your child's friend put a note in his backpack telling him that he was stupid?

Kids are allowed to express themselves, but I hope that parents are teaching them that it's not okay to say hurtful things. The kid could have written a note that said, "I'm mad at you, Mommy," and I would have no problem with that. But name-calling is not okay in our house. Personally, I would tell the kid that I understand that he was mad and frustrated, but he needs to find a better way to express that, because what he did is not acceptable.

Your poor children.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I think I'd get a red pen, correct the grammar, then add my own sentence as an example, "You're a silly son."

Maybe later I'd try and have a discussion on expressing frustrations and words hurting and all that. But I wouldn't get upset.

[Anonymous]

Ditto, PP.

Expressing your feelings is one thing but calling someone a name is a different matter. We don't call each other names in our house. Period. Yes, we get frustrated and upset with each other on occasion but focusing on what happened and how you feel is better for everyone.

I would talk to him about it briefly- it doesn't have to be a big deal. Leaving notes can be an effective way to communicate if you're too angry to talk to the person but name calling just makes a bad situation worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make him correct the grammar.

Kidding. I don't know. I'd talk to him about it - how words have consequences - and then let it go, assuming first time and he's generally a relatively empathetic boy. Maybe tell him that he can actually write down mean things that he can't say, but he should keep them private, like a journal. I don't know...that's if he likes to get things out in writing, generally, that can be helpful. But if it was a one-off, I'd probably let it go.

I actually would mention the spelling. With my younger child, the conversation might go like this.

Me: I found this note that you left me. There is something wrong with it.
Child: It's mean?
Me: Yes, it is a mean note, and it hurt my feelings. But there is something else wrong with it.
Child: ...
Me: When is it "your", and when is it "you're"?
Child: Oh.
Me: Next time you want to leave me a mean note, could you please make sure everything is spelled correctly?
Child: OK.
Me: OK. *hugs child*

OP here. I like the idea of telling him to write his feelings in a private journal, but that what he did was hurtful and unacceptable. I'm not sure I'm going to peg him too much on the spelling. He has issues with spelling and gets interventions in this area, so I'm not going to pile on too much.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the great responses. I do think that he crossed the line with the name-calling. Stupid is not an acceptable word in our house, when it's directed at another person. I'm going to talk with him about it tonight. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently my son started telling me that he hates me for the stupedist of things. I would tell him to go wash his hands and he'd reply with "no, I hate you." So, I told him it really hurts my feelings when he says that because I'm pretty sure he doesn't hate me, but he is just angry with me. I also let him sit in his room. I told him he is entitled to his feelings, but I don't have to listen to it. It stopped after a week.

I have done the same. My 8 yr. old, who is a fairly cheerful and happy child, tells me after I correct him that he just knows that we wished he was never born. He gets so dramatic. He was planned and our only child, and love him beyond words. When I ask him to explain how my actions justify his thoughts, he just walks away. He was always the dearest toddler, never went through the terrible 2s or 3s, and has become a little sassy the last few months. He asked me last night if girls go through a monthly thing - I had no idea how to respond!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Yes!!! Of course!!! Let it go, OP.

Do you let your kids say mean things to other kids? Would you "let it go" if your child called another child stupid? Would you be upset if your child's friend put a note in his backpack telling him that he was stupid?

Kids are allowed to express themselves, but I hope that parents are teaching them that it's not okay to say hurtful things. The kid could have written a note that said, "I'm mad at you, Mommy," and I would have no problem with that. But name-calling is not okay in our house. Personally, I would tell the kid that I understand that he was mad and frustrated, but he needs to find a better way to express that, because what he did is not acceptable.

Your poor children.

Not the NP, but: Poor people who have to deal with your children in the future. Let it go? Really? Were you raised to call your parents stupid, and do you do so now? If you don't think it's acceptable behavior for yourself, for God's sake, don't teach your children that it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd make him write it correctly 50 - 100 times.

Hilarious!!!

[Anonymous]

Say nothing, but hang it on the frig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Yes!!! Of course!!! Let it go, OP.

Do you let your kids say mean things to other kids? Would you "let it go" if your child called another child stupid? Would you be upset if your child's friend put a note in his backpack telling him that he was stupid?

Kids are allowed to express themselves, but I hope that parents are teaching them that it's not okay to say hurtful things. The kid could have written a note that said, "I'm mad at you, Mommy," and I would have no problem with that. But name-calling is not okay in our house. Personally, I would tell the kid that I understand that he was mad and frustrated, but he needs to find a better way to express that, because what he did is not acceptable.

Your poor children.

Not the NP, but: Poor people who have to deal with your children in the future. Let it go? Really? Were you raised to call your parents stupid, and do you do so now? If you don't think it's acceptable behavior for yourself, for God's sake, don't teach your children that it is.

+1 Another NP here. I was shocked at the responses saying to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Hey, your boy is expressive and likes to use his writing to communicate! I know it hurt, though. But in the scheme of things, this really is not terrible--he didn't swear or do something physically destructive which, believe me some kids would have done. As the parent of young teens, ohh boy, I look back on those days fondly!

[Anonymous]

I shouldn't be, but I am surprised at how so many parents here think it's ok for an 8 yr old to call the parent "stupid", that's it's just "expressing" their feelings. Wow. So, when your kids are teens, will you just think your kid is expressing his feelings when he calls you a "b1tch"? As they get older, the words they use to express their feelings become uglier, ie, curse words.

My DH and I would never call each other stupid, and I would never allow my child to call me that, either, especially for telling my child to clean up. That's just so wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Yes!!! Of course!!! Let it go, OP.

Do you let your kids say mean things to other kids? Would you "let it go" if your child called another child stupid? Would you be upset if your child's friend put a note in his backpack telling him that he was stupid?

Kids are allowed to express themselves, but I hope that parents are teaching them that it's not okay to say hurtful things. The kid could have written a note that said, "I'm mad at you, Mommy," and I would have no problem with that. But name-calling is not okay in our house. Personally, I would tell the kid that I understand that he was mad and frustrated, but he needs to find a better way to express that, because what he did is not acceptable.

I totally agree. It's stunning that so many parents think it's okay to let a child call them names that they would not allow the child to call other people. It's completely unacceptable to call anyone mean names, but most of all I would teach a child that we don't call our family and loved ones mean names. Family means we are safe with each other. Family is where we know that no one will be mean to us. This is inviolate in my household.

I teach that it's okay to express your feelings of anger, disappointment, frustration, etc. but it is not okay to be mean or rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I shouldn't be, but I am surprised at how so many parents here think it's ok for an 8 yr old to call the parent "stupid", that's it's just "expressing" their feelings. Wow. So, when your kids are teens, will you just think your kid is expressing his feelings when he calls you a "b1tch"? As they get older, the words they use to express their feelings become uglier, ie, curse words.

My DH and I would never call each other stupid, and I would never allow my child to call me that, either, especially for telling my child to clean up. That's just so wrong.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Yes!!! Of course!!! Let it go, OP.

Do you let your kids say mean things to other kids? Would you "let it go" if your child called another child stupid? Would you be upset if your child's friend put a note in his backpack telling him that he was stupid?

Kids are allowed to express themselves, but I hope that parents are teaching them that it's not okay to say hurtful things. The kid could have written a note that said, "I'm mad at you, Mommy," and I would have no problem with that. But name-calling is not okay in our house. Personally, I would tell the kid that I understand that he was mad and frustrated, but he needs to find a better way to express that, because what he did is not acceptable.

Absolutely not. Of course not.

Kids get tired and cranky at home. Sometimes it's best not to make a big deal of what they say/do when they are in that state. Let them have their feelings and work out how to deal with them. I think writing them down is not a bad way. I have thick skin, though, so maybe it doesn't work for the more sensitive.

But of course it is totally not acceptable to call someone else a name. My kids have never done and I would be shocked if they did.