My son left me a mean note, WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Yes!!! Of course!!! Let it go, OP.

Do you let your kids say mean things to other kids? Would you "let it go" if your child called another child stupid? Would you be upset if your child's friend put a note in his backpack telling him that he was stupid?

Kids are allowed to express themselves, but I hope that parents are teaching them that it's not okay to say hurtful things. The kid could have written a note that said, "I'm mad at you, Mommy," and I would have no problem with that. But name-calling is not okay in our house. Personally, I would tell the kid that I understand that he was mad and frustrated, but he needs to find a better way to express that, because what he did is not acceptable.

Same. No name calling in our house. Family rule: you can be mad or be sad, but you must express emotions with respect for self and others. Saying I'm mad, really mad, want some time alone, etc, all perfectly acceptable. Saying someone is stupid is not.

[Anonymous]

A lot of butthurt thin-skinned parents on this thread. You're an adult and you're upset about a cranky kid writing the word stupid? Why is this even an issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently my son started telling me that he hates me for the stupedist of things. I would tell him to go wash his hands and he'd reply with "no, I hate you." So, I told him it really hurts my feelings when he says that because I'm pretty sure he doesn't hate me, but he is just angry with me. I also let him sit in his room. I told him he is entitled to his feelings, but I don't have to listen to it. It stopped after a week.

I have done the same. My 8 yr. old, who is a fairly cheerful and happy child, tells me after I correct him that he just knows that we wished he was never born. He gets so dramatic. He was planned and our only child, and love him beyond words. When I ask him to explain how my actions justify his thoughts, he just walks away. He was always the dearest toddler, never went through the terrible 2s or 3s, and has become a little sassy the last few months. He asked me last night if girls go through a monthly thing - I had no idea how to respond!!!!!!!!!!

My 8 year old says the same thing if I correct him -- "you and daddy never should have had me." Apparently being dramatically is pretty typical of this age....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of butthurt thin-skinned parents on this thread. You're an adult and you're upset about a cranky kid writing the word stupid? Why is this even an issue?

It wouldn't hurt my feelings if my 8 yr old called me stupid. It would make me upset that he is disrespectful of a parent. A toddler acting out when tired or cranky is one thing. An 8 yr old not knowing how to deal with being upset with mom is another. Would you think it's ok if an 8 yr old had a meltdown and started throwing a tantrum in a store like a toddler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of butthurt thin-skinned parents on this thread. You're an adult and you're upset about a cranky kid writing the word stupid? Why is this even an issue?

Oh please; if this is all you got out of the thread you clearly aren't paying enough attention. You're stupid (I presume it's okay for me to write that word and you won't be thin-skinned or get butthurt about it).

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old does this -- sometimes they are very mean or dramatic, sometimes less so (like "You do not have permission to enter my room. Leave me alone." or something like that). I can't get too hung up on it. Sometimes I don't even find the note until days later, which takes the drama away from it (then I'm usually like "I found this random note. When did you even write this?" and she's typically very embarrassed). I have one that is particularly funny, and rather accurate, hanging on my wall at the office. She signed it "love" so she clearly was ambivalent about that one. That was one that I found days after the fact so I don't even know what incident she's referencing.

Oh, and mine's dramatic phrase of choice lately is "You don't even like me! No one likes me!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Yes!!! Of course!!! Let it go, OP.

Do you let your kids say mean things to other kids? Would you "let it go" if your child called another child stupid? Would you be upset if your child's friend put a note in his backpack telling him that he was stupid?

Kids are allowed to express themselves, but I hope that parents are teaching them that it's not okay to say hurtful things. The kid could have written a note that said, "I'm mad at you, Mommy," and I would have no problem with that. But name-calling is not okay in our house. Personally, I would tell the kid that I understand that he was mad and frustrated, but he needs to find a better way to express that, because what he did is not acceptable.

Your poor children.

NP here. No, it is going to be your poor children when they call the wrong person "stupid" and get their blocks knocked off.

A kid is unhappy about a decision I made and they want to discuss it - I am all ears. But I am not going to be verbally abused by anyone - especially someone who still needs me to remind him to shower or wake him up in the morning.

Respectuful treatment of others begins at home.

[Anonymous]

Raise your kids however you'd like.

If your kid knows you accept being called stupid, they will continue to call you stupid, and worse.

If you make it clear very early on that your child needs to respect you, it's very unlikely you will hear that kind of language.

Your choice.

[Anonymous]

I just re-read your original post, OP. So your kid didn't actually hand you the note or ask you to read it, right? You just found it. So he wrote it but didn't know for sure if you'd read it. Well, that's kind of different, right? Maybe tell him he should dispose of things that aren't meant to be seen by others.

[Anonymous]

It's not respectful.

Your actions have consequences, and while you are free to take them, you will have to deal with the consequences if you do. One of which is that if you can't behave like a civilized person, people won't like you. You aren't teaching your kids any favors by letting them "express their feelings" whenever they want with no consequences, folks. That just teaches them that talking bad about people has no consequences, and that's NOT REAL LIFE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just re-read your original post, OP. So your kid didn't actually hand you the note or ask you to read it, right? You just found it. So he wrote it but didn't know for sure if you'd read it. Well, that's kind of different, right? Maybe tell him he should dispose of things that aren't meant to be seen by others.

No, he did mean for her to read it because the front said 'look on back please'. So this wasn't just him writing it out, he left it for her to find.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's a new thread that's giving you a window into your future, should you allow this behavior to continue.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to him about his feelings and better ways to express them.

[Anonymous]

I like art, so I'd do a little cartoon in response - maybe one about a mother whose son calls her stupid, and then she stops cooking his food, doing his wash etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make him correct the grammar.

Kidding. I don't know. I'd talk to him about it - how words have consequences - and then let it go, assuming first time and he's generally a relatively empathetic boy. Maybe tell him that he can actually write down mean things that he can't say, but he should keep them private, like a journal. I don't know...that's if he likes to get things out in writing, generally, that can be helpful. But if it was a one-off, I'd probably let it go.

I actually would mention the spelling. With my younger child, the conversation might go like this.

Me: I found this note that you left me. There is something wrong with it.
Child: It's mean?
Me: Yes, it is a mean note, and it hurt my feelings. But there is something else wrong with it.
Child: ...
Me: When is it "your", and when is it "you're"?
Child: Oh.
Me: Next time you want to leave me a mean note, could you please make sure everything is spelled correctly?
Child: OK.
Me: OK. *hugs child*

OP here. I like the idea of telling him to write his feelings in a private journal, but that what he did was hurtful and unacceptable. I'm not sure I'm going to peg him too much on the spelling. He has issues with spelling and gets interventions in this area, so I'm not going to pile on too much.

My stupid Mommy? What do you want to insult Grandma like that? She would be hurt.
And then you can tell him how commas save lives: "Lets eat Grandma" vs "Lets eat, Grandma"