My son left me a mean note, WWYD?

[Anonymous]

My 8 y/o was doing his homework last night at my desk and was mad at me because I asked him to help clean up his stuff after he finished because the cleaners come today (yay for cleaning day!). He was mad because he wanted to play with his new Nerf gun. This morning I found a note on my desk that read "look on back please" and on the other side "your stupid mommy" with a smiley face and laughing. I know he was just mad and frustrated, so I'm not too hurt, but I wonder if it's worth saying something or letting it go. I kinda feel like he ought to know how his actions affect other people and that what he did was mean spirited. But, I don't want to make too big a deal out of it. WWYD, DCUM?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't make too big a deal of it, but I would find a gentle way to ask him how he would feel if he received a note like that from you. I would reinforce that it's okay to be mad, and to day that you are mad, but it's not okay to be mean.

[Anonymous]

Make him correct the grammar.

Kidding. I don't know. I'd talk to him about it - how words have consequences - and then let it go, assuming first time and he's generally a relatively empathetic boy. Maybe tell him that he can actually write down mean things that he can't say, but he should keep them private, like a journal. I don't know...that's if he likes to get things out in writing, generally, that can be helpful. But if it was a one-off, I'd probably let it go.

[Anonymous]

Hold him accountable and making explain why he felt he needed to express his feelings this way when you asked him to take some responsibility as a family member. My kids wouldn't have dare to say things like that to me at that age but now that they are teenagers, it is no picnic. It is an everyday struggle to maintain authority. It wears you down. Do not let yourself be addressed down at any point by your kids, it will not get better.

[Anonymous]

*make him

[Anonymous]

I'd tell him that wasn't nice or funny and to not do it again.

[Anonymous]

I'd make him write it correctly 50 - 100 times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make him correct the grammar.

Kidding. I don't know. I'd talk to him about it - how words have consequences - and then let it go, assuming first time and he's generally a relatively empathetic boy. Maybe tell him that he can actually write down mean things that he can't say, but he should keep them private, like a journal. I don't know...that's if he likes to get things out in writing, generally, that can be helpful. But if it was a one-off, I'd probably let it go.

I actually would mention the spelling. With my younger child, the conversation might go like this.

Me: I found this note that you left me. There is something wrong with it.
Child: It's mean?
Me: Yes, it is a mean note, and it hurt my feelings. But there is something else wrong with it.
Child: ...
Me: When is it "your", and when is it "you're"?
Child: Oh.
Me: Next time you want to leave me a mean note, could you please make sure everything is spelled correctly?
Child: OK.
Me: OK. *hugs child*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make him correct the grammar.

Kidding. I don't know. I'd talk to him about it - how words have consequences - and then let it go, assuming first time and he's generally a relatively empathetic boy. Maybe tell him that he can actually write down mean things that he can't say, but he should keep them private, like a journal. I don't know...that's if he likes to get things out in writing, generally, that can be helpful. But if it was a one-off, I'd probably let it go.

I actually would mention the spelling. With my younger child, the conversation might go like this.

Me: I found this note that you left me. There is something wrong with it.
Child: It's mean?
Me: Yes, it is a mean note, and it hurt my feelings. But there is something else wrong with it.
Child: ...
Me: When is it "your", and when is it "you're"?
Child: Oh.
Me: Next time you want to leave me a mean note, could you please make sure everything is spelled correctly?
Child: OK.
Me: OK. *hugs child*

This made me giggle. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Yes!!! Of course!!! Let it go, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8 y/o was doing his homework last night at my desk and was mad at me because I asked him to help clean up his stuff after he finished because the cleaners come today (yay for cleaning day!). He was mad because he wanted to play with his new Nerf gun. This morning I found a note on my desk that read "look on back please" and on the other side "your stupid mommy" with a smiley face and laughing. I know he was just mad and frustrated, so I'm not too hurt, but I wonder if it's worth saying something or letting it go. I kinda feel like he ought to know how his actions affect other people and that what he did was mean spirited. But, I don't want to make too big a deal out of it. WWYD, DCUM?

If it was my 8 year old, I would wait until he came home and then I would speak to him. I would explain how I understand that people think mean things when they are angry, but that he needs to contain them because they are hurtful and you can't take them back. I would also explain that calling me or his father stupid is disrespectful and that there will be a consequence if it should happen again. If it happens again, have a consequence ready.

[Anonymous]

Recently my son started telling me that he hates me for the stupedist of things. I would tell him to go wash his hands and he'd reply with "no, I hate you." So, I told him it really hurts my feelings when he says that because I'm pretty sure he doesn't hate me, but he is just angry with me. I also let him sit in his room. I told him he is entitled to his feelings, but I don't have to listen to it. It stopped after a week.

[Anonymous]

If he was frustrated and wanted to write that you were being mean I wouldn't care. I'm less okay with him calling you stupid, even if he was mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this ALL THE TIME. I would just ignore it. They are allowed to express themselves.

Yes!!! Of course!!! Let it go, OP.

Do you let your kids say mean things to other kids? Would you "let it go" if your child called another child stupid? Would you be upset if your child's friend put a note in his backpack telling him that he was stupid?

Kids are allowed to express themselves, but I hope that parents are teaching them that it's not okay to say hurtful things. The kid could have written a note that said, "I'm mad at you, Mommy," and I would have no problem with that. But name-calling is not okay in our house. Personally, I would tell the kid that I understand that he was mad and frustrated, but he needs to find a better way to express that, because what he did is not acceptable.