Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of men who have supported their girlfriends, who were going to school, or just didn't make much money.

But their girlfriends were typically good-looking. I doubt they would be as willing to do that if there wasn't a sexual interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men support women all the time. So what is the big deal? You told him to quit his job.

SAH women at least tend to cook and clean, or raise kids. SAH men tend to surf the Internet all day and play video games.

[Anonymous]

Ask the landlord to amend the lease to just him, make him sign it or GTFO

[Anonymous]

oh, then you GTFO

[Anonymous]

There are lots of ads on Craigslist where you can rent a room in a house with other adults. I would break the lease and rent a room somewhere. They're not usually worried about your credit. This should cost much less than what you're paying now. You can stay there until you feel you're financially stable again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I actually don't think men support their unemployed girlfriends all the time. Sometimes men support their wives who are mothering their children.

You should not have told him to quit his job but lesson learned.

Don't wait until July to end this. Try to get him to move out or break the lease now.

Right? Where are all these men supporting their "stay at home" unemployed girlfriends?

If OP intended to marry this guy, and he had good career prospects after finishing school, that's one thing - plenty of us have financially supported a spouse or future spouse through school or whatever - but this doesn't sound like one of those situations.

[Anonymous]

He is hiding something about school, probably the fact that he isn't going to classes anymore. That being said, if he really took a loan out, it will take a few months, but the loan company will find out and he will have to start paying it back.

Talk to the leasing office, I am sure they will be willing to help you out.

He should talk to temp agencies, not every job that is out there is advertised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Men support women all the time. So what is the big deal? You told him to quit his job.


Yeah, but there's no KID!

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men support women all the time. So what is the big deal? You told him to quit his job.

SAH women at least tend to cook and clean, or raise kids. SAH men tend to surf the Internet all day and play video games.

yep

[Anonymous]

Let me get this straight:

-dude had trouble staying with his original Permanent job because of .....?
-dude was asked to NOT return to a college ..... And Dudette doesn't have a clue why?
-dude is reluctant to share current progress in school, and characterizes dudette as being intrusive for asking?
-dude has a therapist and said therapist blows off that dude sleeps all day, doesn't bathe, plays excessive video games, and has no realistic life plan?
-dude thinks sharing a violent dream is a joke?

I'm having trouble seeing that this is any sort of partnership - you know - like even remotely. Fundamental things like:

-honesty, openness, loyalty, safety
-providing for material needs (shelter, food)
-being able to count on one another, general stability, responsibility
-mutual admiration, emotional support, feeling of belonging and love
-contributing to the operational needs of running household, chores, etc.
-maintaining reasonable grooming

Sorry, I don't see a future with dude.

[Anonymous]

OP here...

Ok I can deal with getting a plan together to get the fuck out of here...I know it should not matter..but I'm trying to settle wtf is wrong with him....if hes doing this because hes a sociopath or addict then its humiliating he took me for a ride but lesson learned.

If he has aspergers then hes behaving this way because hes clueless and I'm a b"':& for leaving.

If he has ADHD and I leave, well I suppose Im shallow since I can't deal with it...

He has untreated COPD so by leaving now this means I dont have it in me to deal with someones health issues

Come from long line of codependents and alcoholics who stay together until death in o!d age...please help me untwist my thinking..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

Ok I can deal with getting a plan together to get the fuck out of here...I know it should not matter..but I'm trying to settle wtf is wrong with him....if hes doing this because hes a sociopath or addict then its humiliating he took me for a ride but lesson learned.

If he has aspergers then hes behaving this way because hes clueless and I'm a b"':& for leaving.

If he has ADHD and I leave, well I suppose Im shallow since I can't deal with it...

He has untreated COPD so by leaving now this means I dont have it in me to deal with someones health issues

Come from long line of codependents and alcoholics who stay together until death in o!d age...please help me untwist my thinking..

Well your last sentence explains it all!!

Op it is not your job to fix him or figure him out. Luckily you have not married him or had a baby with him so count your lucky stars and get out now.

[Anonymous]

I'm concerned that dude is an intelligent adult and has you sold that he's a victim and you're in any way responsible for his circumstances by abandoning him. Let him work that out with his therapist. The pity play is considered a classic red flag for sociopaths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of good advice here. Let's summarize:

1. Cut off the cable and internet NOW.
2. Contact your landlord to set up an appointment to see what you can do.
3. Dump your therapist.
4. If you have any joint accounts or credit cards, empty and cancel them. NOW.
5. If landlord cannot work it out, break the lease. Stop worrying about your credit. You are young and will get it back. What's most important is that you get out.
6. Stop buying groceries for him.

+1 to all of this. You're making it too complicated, OP. You see all the problems really clearly, but you're trying to solve the mystery of Dude, and that is a losing game. At the end of the day, which is right now, it doesn't matter what his issues are why he's acting this way now but didn't before. It. Doesn't. Matter. What matters is that he's drained your bank account, abused your trust, and exploited your generous and well-meant offer of temporary support. He shares scary, violent dreams with you with the obvious result of intimidating and frightening you. He's lazy and dirty and defensive. Whether or what sort of issues he has that underlie all this disgusting behavior are beside the point. You can't fix him so don't even try. Invite some friends over to pack your stuff (keeping a couple in the apt. at all times to make sure he doesn't take any of your things if he's always home) and get out stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of good advice here. Let's summarize:

1. Cut off the cable and internet NOW.
2. Contact your landlord to set up an appointment to see what you can do.
3. Dump your therapist.
4. If you have any joint accounts or credit cards, empty and cancel them. NOW.
5. If landlord cannot work it out, break the lease. Stop worrying about your credit. You are young and will get it back. What's most important is that you get out.
6. Stop buying groceries for him.

+1 to all of this. You're making it too complicated, OP. You see all the problems really clearly, but you're trying to solve the mystery of Dude, and that is a losing game. At the end of the day, which is right now, it doesn't matter what his issues are why he's acting this way now but didn't before. It. Doesn't. Matter. What matters is that he's drained your bank account, abused your trust, and exploited your generous and well-meant offer of temporary support. He shares scary, violent dreams with you with the obvious result of intimidating and frightening you. He's lazy and dirty and defensive. Whether or what sort of issues he has that underlie all this disgusting behavior are beside the point. You can't fix him so don't even try. Invite some friends over to pack your stuff (keeping a couple in the apt. at all times to make sure he doesn't take any of your things if he's always home) and get out stat.

Guys, I agree she needs to get out of this relationship. But she is still on the hook for the entire rent amount because her name is on the lease. She can't just ditch the lease unless the landlord lets her out in writing.

Can you get HIM to move out and get a roommate to replace him?