Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?

[Anonymous]

I lived with a very similar boyfriend for awhile and was going to tell you what I did. But then I read the creepy violent dream thing, and that really sends up weird red flags to me.

So here's my suggestion if he never had dream and is otherwise normal:

When my boyfriend did the same thing, and I was paying our collective cell phone bill, he continually ran up extra minutes (back in the day you had to pay for them). We had fight after fight on that. He finally said, "well you used more minutes than I did." I said I'm freaking paying the bill! And threw his cell phone in the trash. That woke him up and he got his ass in gear. Don't enable by paying for his fun stuff. Unfortunately, by the time all that happened, I'd lost all respect for him and we broke up.

Advice with the dream:

He's 25 and I find the dream really disturbing. I find it very disturbing that his first university is telling him not to come back. My concern here is not grades but behavior. Is that a possibility? I wonder if he's got some emerging mental health issues that you don't quite see yet. It is the prime age for young adults to develop schizophrenia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men support women all the time. So what is the big deal? You told him to quit his job.

Yeah, but there's no KID!

He IS the kid.

[Anonymous]

I say kick him out if he doesn't get his act together SOON, give him until the end of Feb to do so.

Then start looking for a roommate to help you out with the rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say kick him out if he doesn't get his act together SOON, give him until the end of Feb to do so.

Then start looking for a roommate to help you out with the rent.

He's on the lease. How is she going to kick him out?

[Anonymous]

Get out now. Break the lease and go. This won't improve.

[Anonymous]

Her feet aren't in cement. She just doesn't like the consequences of a shitty situation, and would rather have dude change into something who he is not, nor will ever be... Nagging wont change him, he says by his actions he's fine how things are.

Suck up the consequences, your credit can be repaired over time, rent a couch in a basement somewhere and start over. It sucks, but it seems to me this situation sucks more.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for giving it to me straight everyone...
Im feeling less trapped

What im so totally baffled by is the abrupt change in his behavior. First couple years, I never gave him money for anything. He was gainfully employed. And yes, I get it was totally stupid to tell him to quit...given that i never gave him money before, I just did not anticipate hed do this to me. I know I have to get out...
cant tell if hes taking me for a ride because well im letting him...or if hes using drugs (ive never seen it) or hes on the spectrum (dude is obsessed with science fiction) or like a PP said emerging schizophrenia. I have no one in my universe being forthright with me and so Im feeling crazy. Dude acts like NOTHING is wrong and this is titally normal. He freaked me out with the comments about the violent dream...and told it in a joking way...like with a creepy cackle.

Im totally baffled that someone who was their class president, honors student, editor of school newspaper and recipient of multiple scholarships in high school cannot get his act together. All of his friends and family members lead normal self sufficient adult lives. And then there's him...acting like his behavior us normal. I DONT GET IT..WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM?

Im going to cs ll kindled on monday to discuss..

Ps went to see couples therapist and he convinced therapist *not the one I see ( that him being unemployed, going to school and nit letting me in on hiw school is going us normal and im irrational. The fuck!

[Anonymous]

Op here again...

The guy does not leave the house...ever....sleeps during thr day...barely showers anymore...and acts like this is normal behavior and im just to uptight.

Oh. My. God.

[Anonymous]

He has mental health issues. Why was his last job not working out? Was he having personality conflicts with coworkers etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has mental health issues. Why was his last job not working out? Was he having personality conflicts with coworkers etc?

I agree. Even if it's "simple" depression. But something is wrong here. OP, get out. Maybe that will shake him awake enough to get his act together and you can still be together. But the living together thing is NOT working.

He's got to be lying about the therapist. Any therapist would say your needs matter, regardless of living arrangement.

[Anonymous]

It does sound like he may be slipping mentally. If he sleeps all day, he really should see a doctor. He could have something going on health wise, like a thyroid condition or something heart related. This can make people fatigued and cranky.

If he doesn't make any decisive steps to help himself soon, I would try to extricate yourself from his life as much as you can, so you are safe and able to move on with your life if he doesn't get it together. If he's really losing it, you might be able to help him from a distance -- maybe warn his family, or something, but be safe first.

[Anonymous]

You have been with this unstable person for 2.5 years. I can't imagine everything was great and normal up until the time you moved in together. I think you ignored little tell tell signs or didn't take them seriously. You should just get out the best way you can and chalk it up to a lessons learned. Talking about all the crazy things he does only makes you look stupid for staying in the situation.

[Anonymous]

have heard so many women say “I’m looking for a man who can/will take care of me.”
good on this bloke. He’s pulling that shit now on her. And all hell breaks loose on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I have heard men say they will only marry a woman with a job. It's a different world. I am a woman who ended up being the breadwinner. I wish I could say i handled this role gracefully, but it does bug me at times, especially if I get stressed over finances or my job..... I love my husband very much, and he does pull his weight in this partnership. He doesn't play video games all day, I come home to hot meals, laundry done, and a caring person. I want the relationship, and it is what it is. Overall, it works, we work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have heard men say they will only marry a woman with a job. It's a different world. I am a woman who ended up being the breadwinner. I wish I could say i handled this role gracefully, but it does bug me at times, especially if I get stressed over finances or my job..... I love my husband very much, and he does pull his weight in this partnership. He doesn't play video games all day, I come home to hot meals, laundry done, and a caring person. I want the relationship, and it is what it is. Overall, it works, we work.

I’m like this myself. Just because you have the pussy doesn’t mean you make all the rules.

Anyway, +1 for your post esp. “ I love my husband very much, and he does pull his weight in this partnership.” Very refreshing to see there are some people out there like this.