Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
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Anonymous
It's not like he's a stay at home dad...they're not even married. He's just some unemployed mooch, who frankly sounds like he's on a descent into mental illness. But thanks for the MRA take on the situation. |
And all hell breaks loose on DCUM.
Anonymous
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what’s MRA? The OP does indicate her complaint is his employment status. Wife unemployed = o.k.
guy unemployed = probable “mental illness." 
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Anonymous
Did you even read the thread? And yes, a spouse staying home to care for the children is okay. A boyfriend or girlfriend quitting their job and staying home all day playing video games and talking about dreams where they murder you is not okay. |
Anonymous
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It's not your fault, OP. You unwittingly enabled his laziness because you didn't know what your generous offer of carrying the bills would trigger. What's more concerning is that dream of his, and his uncontrolled hyperfocus on his Halloween costume, for example. It's typical of untreated ADHD (we are an ADHD family so I know all about that!), and I totally get that he's extremely intelligent. However I worry there may be some other more dangerous issues at play too, and you need to get out. Break the lease, move and dump the boyfriend. You can contact the landlord, maybe tell him a few choice examples of how your ex creeps you out (the dream, etc) to see what you can negotiate. |
Anonymous
| OP, re-read your post and you should see that you have much bigger problems than your slacker boyfriend. You have some growing up to do. |
Anonymous
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He sounds like he's depressed or bipolar and using video games/role playing to avoid reality. I would tell him that you cannot continue paying the bills and if he cannot pay February rent he needs to move out so that you can find a roommate who can pay. I agree with PPs that you should not be paying for his phone, cable, or anything else. Don't worry about any bills in his name (even electricity) - let him figure it out. Best case scenario he borrows from relatives for February and gets a job to pay his share or moves out. Worst case scenario, he refuses, in which case you probably do need to break the lease and figure out if you can stay with someone for a while to save for a new place.
Whatever happens, once July comes around you need to get away from this guy. By the way, he was probably successful in high school due to his parents structure and support. It is not uncommon for people with ADHD to struggle in early adulthood once that structure is gone - he is looking to you to fill in the role his parents once played. |
Anonymous
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Tell him to haul his butt down to a temp agency and get whatever temp work he can get. His seasonal IT isn't enough.
Tell him that you are moving out in July. Then do it. |
Anonymous
| Why should he get a job, you are bank rolling his life. Op you are screwed. Make sure you leave him in July. |
Anonymous
x2. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Hes working on his degree and I'm paying the bills. EXACTLY-men do this sort ofthing for women all the time and people dont say "sshe's a kid" or "hes being taken for a ride.. But damn it feels like I'm being taken for a ride...why is this different than a man paying the bills while girlfriend finishes school?
And yes, the dream is creepy...but it WAS just a dream...but it creeped me out...I dont know,do violent dreams ALWAYS equal e eredging mental illness? People!e watch horror movies, go to bed and the brain creates a dream pulling piecesof the day and the horror movie watched that day... Dude is personable, really social and freaking jolly.. The therapist I see says its just ADHD and sees no issue with his behavior. The couples therapist I took him to sided with him..this is all just temporary he says... My parents told my siblings and I a few years avo not to share relationship problems with them, its too hard to deal with. WTF? He gets really defensive when I ask about school.. You know, its funny how illuminating writing this out is...as opposed to keeping it in my head |
Anonymous
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Op here again...I grew up with a pollyanna mother and a father who couldnt stand it when people complained...so my internal compass for detecting when I'm getting g screwed or when im in danger is really broken. If I complain about this, I tell myself I'm being rigid and negative and men support women all the time, stop whini g. If I tell myself hes dangerous (which sometimes my gut says he is) I tell myself I'm catastrophizing and to calm the hec down, nothing is wrong.
""Relationships take work" "dont nag, dont sulk" "stop crossing boundaries and emasculating him by asking about school" "suck it up, all relatio ships go through rough spots" This is the fucked up stuff that's in my head...and Ifeel mentally trapped... I really and mistakenly thought this would be a two month situation...its IT for god sake... BTW I took him for a depression screen...apparently not depressed... |
Anonymous
| Dude probably isn't even in school. Get out, OP. Tell him you are going into debt because he refuses to get a job and now it's time for you to look after yourself. Tell him he needs to pay the bills starting March 1 or move out. And then you move to a cheaper place as soon as your lease is up. Don't break your lease because you'll be screwed trying to find another place. |
Anonymous
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Treat this as a stress test for the relationship. LTRs and marriages face lots of difficult situations. You got to see how he would cope. You don't like how he copes with a difficult time.
You are free to leave. You are not obligated to support this dick for the rest of your life. |
Anonymous
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Op I actually don't think men support their unemployed girlfriends all the time. Sometimes men support their wives who are mothering their children.
You should not have told him to quit his job but lesson learned. Don't wait until July to end this. Try to get him to move out or break the lease now. |
Anonymous
| This is the kind of thing I worry about with the younger generation. Didn't work during high school, was given everything by baby boomer parents, lowered academic standards in high school in order to get anyone to pass, etc. They don't know how to suffer through a boring job to make ends meet. They don't want to. Sitting in a chair for 40 hours a week doing the same thing day in and day out, prevented from using their phone during the work day, etc. How can younger people have the stamina to sit through the toils of life that previous generations just sucked it up and did. |