Hes unemployed...wtf is wrong here?
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Anonymous
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I need honest DCUM feedback here because im in deep relationship shit...
I moved in with my boyfriend if 2 1/2 years last May and I have no words for the massive change in his behavior. He was unhappy with his job in information technology so I told him to look for a different job. I stupidly told him to quit and look for another job and id carry the bills until he found something new. Im fucked because he ran with it...he quit his job immediately in September and since then has been working seasonal IT jobs. Im freaking paying all the bills. When I tell him im not paying his bills anymore he tries to guilt trip me and minimize his unemployment. He spends his time apparently job searching and playing guitar, video games, planning weekly role playing game get togethers with his odd friends. Dude spent two months making his Halloween costume instead of job searching.WTF?!? I didnt know this side of him exited until I moved in with him. I thought his geek interests were quirky and odd before I moved in with him but damn...its ALL he talks about. Hes not swinging into action to get stable employment. He tells ne im overreacting and that hes "doing all he can" to find work...he cant make employers hire him. He had a fulltime job the entire time we've been together...until I moved in with him. I get that im in a fucked up situation here. But im locked into a lease with this guy, live several hours from my family and am now in debt. I dont know what the fuck to do to get out. He sleeps during the day. He also just took out a loan to finish his degree...but when I ask how school is going he tells me im being intrusive. I didn't know this side of him until now. I knew he had some geeky interests but FFS, its all he talks about. I knew he wasn't the most responsible guy but I didn't think he was THIS MASSIVELY IRRESPONSIBLE. Strange thong is that hes VERY bright and at least in high school (hes 25 now) he was pretty driven...graduated near top of his class, offered several scholarships, never missed school. He dropped out of the first and second colleges he went to. Said he was sent a letter by his university telling him mot to come back. He also made some "joking" remark that creeper me the f/&( out a couple weeks ago "I had a dream the other night that I chopped you up and stuck you in a suitcase...hahaha" I feel like I cant get out...i feel literally trapped...help...what the fuck do I do? Wtf is wrong with this guy and how the duck to I get out of here? Im employed, stuck in a lease until July, am going further into debt and won't have good credit to get my own place...if I stop paying his bills (ie rent, utilities) my credit gets ruined even more. No one in his little circle of odd friends and no one in his family seems to think this is odd. I see a therapist and the therapist says hes a dreamer...its all part of having A DHD (He was dx with. It as a kid but takes no meds for it). My relationship with my parents is strained... WTF do I do? |
Anonymous
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Contact your landlord and ask what you need to do to break the lease. Then do that. Get out. Rent a new place.
That, or tell the boyfriend he has until March 1st to either get a full time permanent job or move out. You're not crazy. It's very odd. And having ADHD is not an excuse for not having a job. He's using you/ |
Anonymous
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Well I'm sorry to say this but as you said yourself, you are screwed. Maybe you can speak with the person you are renting from and explain the situation, I don't know they may give you a break. Speaking of breaks, break up with this loser who is taking you for everything you have and don't have. You need to end the now and move or have him move and you find a roommate.
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Anonymous
| Get out of the relationship. Break the lease. Don't even bother about waiting till March 1. Leave now. Move in w a friend and break the lease. |
Anonymous
| Get a new therapist. |
Anonymous
| Wtf did you tell him to quit his job if you couldn't pay all the bills by yourself??? |
Anonymous
I'm the first PP, and agree that was stupid. OP, you never quit one job until you have another lined up. You gave him bad advice. However, he is an adult and should have said, "No, I'll stick with this until I find something better," instead of saying "Okay, and I'll just freeload off you, great!" |
Anonymous
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Did you know he played his little video games before moving in with him? A grown man with an Xbox would be a deal breaker for me. You gave him free rein to sit on his lazy ass and do this all day.
I agree, talk with your landlord about breaking the lease. |
Anonymous
| Men support women all the time. So what is the big deal? You told him to quit his job. |
Anonymous
Yeah, but there's no KID! |
Anonymous
| Don't pay for his phone. Stop paying for cable. Don't pay any of his bills like student loans. Don't buy any "man" food for him. I would keep Internet just bc I can't live without it but I might downgrade it so it can't play games as well. |
Anonymous
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OP, just move out and break the lease. You might get hit with lease-break penalties, but this sounds like a situation where you are better-off cutting your losses and moving on.
Consider it an expensive lesson learned. Based on your description, he is immature and will either get his s--t together (years from now) or he will be a lifelong flake. Either way, you should move on unless he does a 180 immediately. |
Anonymous
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Cut the lease, pay the fees, and move on ......it is the cost of doing business.....
Get it over with, take the debt, and move on with your life. regrettable expense, sucks that you owe more. you could have lost money on thousands of other things. It's just money. You will dig out. |
Anonymous
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You aren't the first person stressed out when a bf or husband loses a job. He's doing seasonal work, so it's not like he is really that lazy. But he's underemployed and you can't just keep beating the streets forty hours a week. He probably his video games are his way of keeping his spirits up.
Still can't figure out why you told him to quit a job that apparently both of you needed. |
Anonymous
| Your debt isn't different with him or without him. Do you want him? Then accept part of the deal is you earn the money and dont whine about it. If you can't live with being the breadwinner, then pay the money to get out of the lease, make arrangements to pay off debt, and get on with your life. Dude isn't going to change. |