Spinster here. Should I leave DC for better options?

[Anonymous]

PP here. My mom is 51, divorced, and is always on a date with someone. She does online dating as well as meeting men out and about. She's one of those rare people that lights up a room when she walks in, because she's always in a good mood, so she's very approachable (and attractive).

Do you have any married friends or guy friends who could hook you up? Are you too picky? Are you ever out without your kid? Willing to online date?

Some intangible benefits to our time overseas has been DC's opportunity to attend a local private French school and extensive travel within the region. Her dad is still involved, so travel back to the US is the primary financial drain. Definitely more pros than cons, but I'd have a different outlook if we didn't have good friends here.

[Anonymous]

are you in the US or abroad?^^

[Anonymous]

and where does your mom live? ^^

[Anonymous]

OP, while I can't speak for East Africa but only for the Caribbean, there are certain constants when it comes to expat living.

If you go the expat route, your standard of living will rise and you stand a good chance of living like a queen. With that said, you are likely able to choose from fellow expats looking to start over, or local middle to upper class singles in these countries. The variables are not much different; chances are they are always eager to be with an American, and you are likely to get someone who is around the same age or 10 years younger who is more than willing to have a blended family or start new with you. I would not necessarily equate being eager with being opportunistic, if this rings a red flag for you, simply because many middle to upper class singles in these countries either have second roots in North America or Europe, or are genuinely looking to establish these roots because they are always more global in outlook. Your child will get enrollment in an international school....I can't see any downside other than the usual security risks that come with Africa that your prospective employer is responsible for anyway.

It is known fact that expats will never be in the league of 'locals' and so there is a certain social circle that comes with being an expat. I am mid 30s and don't want kids, so I am not what you might be looking for, but I have a good idea how it works. Given your likely increased standard of living, I think is is a win-win for both your personal life and economic situation.

[Anonymous]

"PP here. My mom is 51, divorced, and is always on a date with someone."

Seriously - saying the dating scene sucks is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have three divorced cousins in their early 50s, all living in different parts of the country, and all have managed to move on to serious relationships (one remarriage, two live-in situations) without huge amounts of effort.

[Anonymous]

I have single relatives in their 50s in Cleveland and they never wont for dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:are you in the US or abroad?^^

My mom lives in the Baltimore area but is frequently in DC since that's where our large, extended family resides. I live abroad but am from the DC area.

[Anonymous]

so the last few posters are stating that there friends and family in their 50s have an easy time dating and/or remarrying. cool. i agree, it's probably easier in the states than most places abroad. That said, as an AA woman it always seems harder. not sure why. I, however, can't afford regular sitters so i can't get out to meet these men very often.

Overseas, i will have money and time to date but i am not sure there will be many options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Straight OP here. #rolls eyes
I'm not gay. My child is 6 so adopting a newborn isn't out of the realm of possibility and they won't be too far apart in age if I attempt it next year. Biological isn't really something I'm considering at this time.

I know expat men prefer young local women but I'm considering Africa not Asia. I'm hopeful that this might be different. PP mentioned the East African secret. Anyone else know about this??

Finances really are the issue though. I need to make more. All I have is my house, but to be honest moving to a US city where I know no one seems daunting and stressful. At least overseas it's easier to connect with people..

What's going on in East Africa is male prostitution. Euro women pay men to pretend to be their boyfriends whenever they visit. Some hand over money at the start of the trip so that the men can "pay" for everything. I am the early 30s woman, single mom, living abroad. African men...if you're willing to sponsor someone's pursuit of a green card, have at it! You will be a magnet for men who are eager to "settle down" and marry. I am a black woman, so I blend in as a local where I am. I can't tell you how many times I have witnessed it register on a flirtatious local man's face that I am American, as if God has blessed him with a meal ticket. I've seen local men totally take advantage of single expat women who are not used to regular male attention. Are all guys looking for a come up? Of course not. But if he's poor, which most men will be in your typical African post...well good luck with that. I date local guys (and Americans) and I will only date men with a current US visa, at a minimum. I target areas where native men with US or dual citizenship tend to hang. I look for professional circles. You CAN find a good guy. I have friends who have been successful (marriage to a decent guy). But it takes patience and a sense of humor. There's a Ghanaian online sitcom that describes many of the experiences my friends and I are having. It's called "An African City" and its on YouTube. Hilarious!!!

https://www.youtube.com/user/AnAfricanCity

The money is great, I can't lie. I have fun, I enjoy our life here, but it takes effort.

Thank you so much for this! Good advice, sage advice and you are giving me hope. I wonder if it's easier in West Africa. For some reason I feel as if men there are more open to dating westerners. In any event, thanks so much for that link! I can't wait to check that series out. Looks fascinating! Where are you posted? Ghana?

I would love to go to Ghana next, but it's not in the cards! The position I would want there doesn't open during my cycle. Accra has lots of benefits. As a single woman, there are so many Ghanaians with US or UK citizenship or permanent residency, more professional men, etc. Another added benefit for us is family friends there and has the fastest growing African-American presence on the continent. My dear friend is going to Senegal next and I can't wait to visit. I've heard good things about Senegal from other single women. And Senegalese men are hot. I have one GF who met her husband in Nigeria (Abuja) and another having a good time in Lagos. The latter tends to hang with expats working for the oil companies.

I don't want to say where I'm posted, because it would single me out. I know other women on DCUM.lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Straight OP here. #rolls eyes
I'm not gay. My child is 6 so adopting a newborn isn't out of the realm of possibility and they won't be too far apart in age if I attempt it next year. Biological isn't really something I'm considering at this time.

I know expat men prefer young local women but I'm considering Africa not Asia. I'm hopeful that this might be different. PP mentioned the East African secret. Anyone else know about this??

Finances really are the issue though. I need to make more. All I have is my house, but to be honest moving to a US city where I know no one seems daunting and stressful. At least overseas it's easier to connect with people..

What's going on in East Africa is male prostitution. Euro women pay men to pretend to be their boyfriends whenever they visit. Some hand over money at the start of the trip so that the men can "pay" for everything. I am the early 30s woman, single mom, living abroad. African men...if you're willing to sponsor someone's pursuit of a green card, have at it! You will be a magnet for men who are eager to "settle down" and marry. I am a black woman, so I blend in as a local where I am. I can't tell you how many times I have witnessed it register on a flirtatious local man's face that I am American, as if God has blessed him with a meal ticket. I've seen local men totally take advantage of single expat women who are not used to regular male attention. Are all guys looking for a come up? Of course not. But if he's poor, which most men will be in your typical African post...well good luck with that. I date local guys (and Americans) and I will only date men with a current US visa, at a minimum. I target areas where native men with US or dual citizenship tend to hang. I look for professional circles. You CAN find a good guy. I have friends who have been successful (marriage to a decent guy). But it takes patience and a sense of humor. There's a Ghanaian online sitcom that describes many of the experiences my friends and I are having. It's called "An African City" and its on YouTube. Hilarious!!!

https://www.youtube.com/user/AnAfricanCity

The money is great, I can't lie. I have fun, I enjoy our life here, but it takes effort.

Thank you so much for this! Good advice, sage advice and you are giving me hope. I wonder if it's easier in West Africa. For some reason I feel as if men there are more open to dating westerners. In any event, thanks so much for that link! I can't wait to check that series out. Looks fascinating! Where are you posted? Ghana?

I would love to go to Ghana next, but it's not in the cards! The position I would want there doesn't open during my cycle. Accra has lots of benefits. As a single woman, there are so many Ghanaians with US or UK citizenship or permanent residency, more professional men, etc. Another added benefit for us is family friends there and has the fastest growing African-American presence on the continent. My dear friend is going to Senegal next and I can't wait to visit. I've heard good things about Senegal from other single women. And Senegalese men are hot. I have one GF who met her husband in Nigeria (Abuja) and another having a good time in Lagos. The latter tends to hang with expats working for the oil companies.

I don't want to say where I'm posted, because it would single me out. I know other women on DCUM.lol

I am sorry, but your description is so businesslike... Reminds me of 100-year-olds grandfathers shopping for teenage EU brides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Straight OP here. #rolls eyes
I'm not gay. My child is 6 so adopting a newborn isn't out of the realm of possibility and they won't be too far apart in age if I attempt it next year. Biological isn't really something I'm considering at this time.

I know expat men prefer young local women but I'm considering Africa not Asia. I'm hopeful that this might be different. PP mentioned the East African secret. Anyone else know about this??

Finances really are the issue though. I need to make more. All I have is my house, but to be honest moving to a US city where I know no one seems daunting and stressful. At least overseas it's easier to connect with people..

What's going on in East Africa is male prostitution. Euro women pay men to pretend to be their boyfriends whenever they visit. Some hand over money at the start of the trip so that the men can "pay" for everything. I am the early 30s woman, single mom, living abroad. African men...if you're willing to sponsor someone's pursuit of a green card, have at it! You will be a magnet for men who are eager to "settle down" and marry. I am a black woman, so I blend in as a local where I am. I can't tell you how many times I have witnessed it register on a flirtatious local man's face that I am American, as if God has blessed him with a meal ticket. I've seen local men totally take advantage of single expat women who are not used to regular male attention. Are all guys looking for a come up? Of course not. But if he's poor, which most men will be in your typical African post...well good luck with that. I date local guys (and Americans) and I will only date men with a current US visa, at a minimum. I target areas where native men with US or dual citizenship tend to hang. I look for professional circles. You CAN find a good guy. I have friends who have been successful (marriage to a decent guy). But it takes patience and a sense of humor. There's a Ghanaian online sitcom that describes many of the experiences my friends and I are having. It's called "An African City" and its on YouTube. Hilarious!!!

https://www.youtube.com/user/AnAfricanCity

The money is great, I can't lie. I have fun, I enjoy our life here, but it takes effort.

Thank you so much for this! Good advice, sage advice and you are giving me hope. I wonder if it's easier in West Africa. For some reason I feel as if men there are more open to dating westerners. In any event, thanks so much for that link! I can't wait to check that series out. Looks fascinating! Where are you posted? Ghana?

I would love to go to Ghana next, but it's not in the cards! The position I would want there doesn't open during my cycle. Accra has lots of benefits. As a single woman, there are so many Ghanaians with US or UK citizenship or permanent residency, more professional men, etc. Another added benefit for us is family friends there and has the fastest growing African-American presence on the continent. My dear friend is going to Senegal next and I can't wait to visit. I've heard good things about Senegal from other single women. And Senegalese men are hot. I have one GF who met her husband in Nigeria (Abuja) and another having a good time in Lagos. The latter tends to hang with expats working for the oil companies.

I don't want to say where I'm posted, because it would single me out. I know other women on DCUM.lol

Interesting. So it sounds like west africa is the way to go, not East..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so the last few posters are stating that there friends and family in their 50s have an easy time dating and/or remarrying. cool. i agree, it's probably easier in the states than most places abroad. That said, as an AA woman it always seems harder. not sure why. I, however, can't afford regular sitters so i can't get out to meet these men very often.

Overseas, i will have money and time to date but i am not sure there will be many options.

I posted about my mom who is 51, divorced and dating. We're AA women. I have an aunt who says what you're saying, but she also has a chip on her shoulder that I believe turns men off. She always says that she is the prize. It's always said that single mothers have it so hard. Yet, I meet men as often as my single, childless friends. My other single mom friends are a mix of remarried, engaged, and/or longterm committed women. To men that other women find desirable. You don't have to be the hottest woman in the room either (though you should be well groomed and attractive). The average guy doesn't care about our resumes, but moreso about how a woman makes him feel. They're simple really and easy to read. An asshole is an asshole...doesn't matter if you're AA or not.

I'm just going to throw this out there since race is on the table. I have been frustrated recently, because I'm trying to hook up a nice AA young man (24), well educated, highly intelligent, genuine, good manners, etc with someone, handsome, TALL, yet I keep hearing that he lacks swag. I was complaining about this to my aunt mentioned about and she said "well, swagger is important". No, its NOT. Swag is great for a fling, but it doesn't have anything to do with substance. I really hope that you're not still holding out for someone with a certain look or attitude at 50+.

By the way, your circumstances tell me that you're an ideal candidate for online dating. Take some really nice pics and go for it. Have fun at it and don't overthink it. You could meet someone who ends up being a good friend or even has a single friend for you, if there isn't chemistry. Be willing to date out of your comfort zone (whatever that is). There's someone out here for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Straight OP here. #rolls eyes
I'm not gay. My child is 6 so adopting a newborn isn't out of the realm of possibility and they won't be too far apart in age if I attempt it next year. Biological isn't really something I'm considering at this time.

I know expat men prefer young local women but I'm considering Africa not Asia. I'm hopeful that this might be different. PP mentioned the East African secret. Anyone else know about this??

Finances really are the issue though. I need to make more. All I have is my house, but to be honest moving to a US city where I know no one seems daunting and stressful. At least overseas it's easier to connect with people..

What's going on in East Africa is male prostitution. Euro women pay men to pretend to be their boyfriends whenever they visit. Some hand over money at the start of the trip so that the men can "pay" for everything. I am the early 30s woman, single mom, living abroad. African men...if you're willing to sponsor someone's pursuit of a green card, have at it! You will be a magnet for men who are eager to "settle down" and marry. I am a black woman, so I blend in as a local where I am. I can't tell you how many times I have witnessed it register on a flirtatious local man's face that I am American, as if God has blessed him with a meal ticket. I've seen local men totally take advantage of single expat women who are not used to regular male attention. Are all guys looking for a come up? Of course not. But if he's poor, which most men will be in your typical African post...well good luck with that. I date local guys (and Americans) and I will only date men with a current US visa, at a minimum. I target areas where native men with US or dual citizenship tend to hang. I look for professional circles. You CAN find a good guy. I have friends who have been successful (marriage to a decent guy). But it takes patience and a sense of humor. There's a Ghanaian online sitcom that describes many of the experiences my friends and I are having. It's called "An African City" and its on YouTube. Hilarious!!!

https://www.youtube.com/user/AnAfricanCity

The money is great, I can't lie. I have fun, I enjoy our life here, but it takes effort.

Thank you so much for this! Good advice, sage advice and you are giving me hope. I wonder if it's easier in West Africa. For some reason I feel as if men there are more open to dating westerners. In any event, thanks so much for that link! I can't wait to check that series out. Looks fascinating! Where are you posted? Ghana?

I would love to go to Ghana next, but it's not in the cards! The position I would want there doesn't open during my cycle. Accra has lots of benefits. As a single woman, there are so many Ghanaians with US or UK citizenship or permanent residency, more professional men, etc. Another added benefit for us is family friends there and has the fastest growing African-American presence on the continent. My dear friend is going to Senegal next and I can't wait to visit. I've heard good things about Senegal from other single women. And Senegalese men are hot. I have one GF who met her husband in Nigeria (Abuja) and another having a good time in Lagos. The latter tends to hang with expats working for the oil companies.

I don't want to say where I'm posted, because it would single me out. I know other women on DCUM.lol

I am sorry, but your description is so businesslike... Reminds me of 100-year-olds grandfathers shopping for teenage EU brides.

I take that as a compliment. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

please excuse the multiple typos. clearly i can't multitask tonite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so the last few posters are stating that there friends and family in their 50s have an easy time dating and/or remarrying. cool. i agree, it's probably easier in the states than most places abroad. That said, as an AA woman it always seems harder. not sure why. I, however, can't afford regular sitters so i can't get out to meet these men very often.

Overseas, i will have money and time to date but i am not sure there will be many options.

I posted about my mom who is 51, divorced and dating. We're AA women. I have an aunt who says what you're saying, but she also has a chip on her shoulder that I believe turns men off. She always says that she is the prize. It's always said that single mothers have it so hard. Yet, I meet men as often as my single, childless friends. My other single mom friends are a mix of remarried, engaged, and/or longterm committed women. To men that other women find desirable. You don't have to be the hottest woman in the room either (though you should be well groomed and attractive). The average guy doesn't care about our resumes, but moreso about how a woman makes him feel. They're simple really and easy to read. An asshole is an asshole...doesn't matter if you're AA or not.

I'm just going to throw this out there since race is on the table. I have been frustrated recently, because I'm trying to hook up a nice AA young man (24), well educated, highly intelligent, genuine, good manners, etc with someone, handsome, TALL, yet I keep hearing that he lacks swag. I was complaining about this to my aunt mentioned about and she said "well, swagger is important". No, its NOT. Swag is great for a fling, but it doesn't have anything to do with substance. I really hope that you're not still holding out for someone with a certain look or attitude at 50+.

By the way, your circumstances tell me that you're an ideal candidate for online dating. Take some really nice pics and go for it. Have fun at it and don't overthink it. You could meet someone who ends up being a good friend or even has a single friend for you, if there isn't chemistry. Be willing to date out of your comfort zone (whatever that is). There's someone out here for you.

Thanks, I sure hope so. No, sway is not necessary -LOL. I am looking for a really happy, considerate, funny guy. Sexy, financially secure, any race. Nothing impossible. I am online but the time/money thing is in the way of really being active at it. Thanks for the renewed sense of hope you have given me! We'll see.