Spinster here. Should I leave DC for better options?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 47 and single with one kid. I am not too concerned about being single, but everyone has their preferences.

In terms of the alternatives, I would take the overseas posting if I really wanted an expat experience. I would rule out dating while there, especially if it is a developing country or there are large cultural differences. Many countries have very different expectations of women, and it may be difficult to tell whether a guy is dating you for a green card. You might meet a nice American NGO guy, but those guys tend to be young, and they know they don't need to settle down. Single women tend to leave the foreign service, because they can't date.

As for the second or third options, pick one, and pretend you have decided. Do you feel relieved or nervous? Are you at all concerned about being far from your parents if they start to have age related illnesses? Do you make friends easily? Is your profession portable?

I am not sure what you mean by having more kids. Even if it were possible, if you find DC expensive and find yourself time-strapped with one, adding more kids will make it worse. If you mean blending families, you could try a single parents' group.

The expat experience is fine by me. I think it's great to raise a global child. I don't want to rule out dating though. DC is six.
I'm a bit nervous about moving to a new city because no, I don't make new friends easily. I am shy. My parents are already starting to have some age-related issues and that makes moving harder (and my mother did NOT give her blessing when I mentioned it to her). Profession makes it easy to get hired anywhere. Never had an issue.

More kids is only possible if I am overseas and can afford live-in help.

Money is the number one reason for a move but to really make money I'd need to move to Asia or the Middle East.

[Anonymous]

If your parents are in their 80ties, are they in assisted living? Who looks after them? Moving overseas may not be an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are in their 80ties, are they in assisted living? Who looks after them? Moving overseas may not be an option.

Yes, they have an excellent set up in assisted living and have other family members there and loads of friends. It's a wonderful place and my sister lives nearby.

[Anonymous]

Of course you can find a man- people get divorced every day! Will you find him if you take the overseas job- less likely. But if you can move somewhere with a lower cost of living go for it. People find love in a nursing home. No reason you have to feel like it's over for you at only 50.

[Anonymous]

Look for a US city where men outnumber women. Overseas will be a challenge. I'm a single woman living abroad now. Early 30s and meet lots of men looking for a come up. The upper middle class local men are used to having a wife, mistress, and a girlfriend. And their lives are so cushy, they aren't interested in moving to the US. Expat men are receiving attention from women that they aren't used to. Asia and the Middle East are probably the worst spots for single women. Expat men working in Asia typically like young Asian women.

Dating is so much easier at home. My mom is your age and goes out on dates more than some of my friends! Are you online?

[Anonymous]

yes i'm online and i chat online with people who seem interesting but 8/10 it doesn't move to a phone call and rarely does a phone call lead to a meeting. last year i probably met fewer than ten guys from online, probably closer to 5. went out with 2 more than once and lost interest.

i know asia and the middle east are the worst. it's either make money and travel or stay local, date occassionally and be broke. sigh

[Anonymous]

You don't have to move. Try online dating, you can meet someone from anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Expat men are receiving attention from women that they aren't used to. Asia and the Middle East are probably the worst spots for single women. Expat men working in Asia typically like young Asian women.

Yeah I lived my late 20's abroad and we used to take bets whenever a single expat woman would move into town on how long she'd last. She was used to getting attention in the US/UK/etc but where we were in Eastern Europe and the local women were just stunning. I think the longest one lasted 6 months, and the shortest was about a month before moving back to where they got some attentoin.

[Anonymous]

The only thing that concerns me about your post OP is that you state you would like another child.

I understand that you would like a sibling for your already existing child and as an only child I can totally relate since it is very lonely being raised w/out siblings.

But at the age of fifty, do you really think it is realistic to have another baby?

Or am I wrong? Were you perhaps thinking of adopting an older child, maybe someone closer to your already existing child's age...?

If so, that would be a more suitable option for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Expat men are receiving attention from women that they aren't used to. Asia and the Middle East are probably the worst spots for single women. Expat men working in Asia typically like young Asian women.

Yeah I lived my late 20's abroad and we used to take bets whenever a single expat woman would move into town on how long she'd last. She was used to getting attention in the US/UK/etc but where we were in Eastern Europe and the local women were just stunning. I think the longest one lasted 6 months, and the shortest was about a month before moving back to where they got some attentoin.[/quote

Wait. So women would quit their job because local men didn't notice them? That's hard to believe. Maybe it was the weather, unfriendliness of the people and communist vibe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should move, more for the $ aspect than the possible dating scene.

The overseas job sounds fun, but I'd worry about being so far from elderly parents.

+1. At 50, the dating scene will be bad anywhere. Move for the money/lower cost of living, maybe closer to elderly parents.

+1

[Anonymous]

Just wondering how you plan to have more children? At age 50, that ship has likely already sailed for your own eggs; and donor egg IVF and adoption are very expensive (25,000+). Just something to think about...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50, never been married. (I don't call myself a spinster except when I want DCUMs to click on my link. )
Attractive, good education, kind, fun - blah blah blah. One child who I adopted after an unfortunate family situation.

Here's the deal. I want to be married. I would like more children. DC deserves that and so do I. My parents have been married 60+ years (I'll take 30+) and I grew up with siblings and a dog. This current situation is not at all what I dreamed.

I have lived in WDC off and on since the mid-90s. Been in some good relationships but none ended in marriage. It's harder now as you can imagine. Time/money/ a child, etc, it's just hard.
I have no family here and no savings other than my home which has about $250,000 in equity. DC is a decent city but it's expensive, gets cold and the school choice is driving me batty! I have great friends and my parents are in their 80s (they live 5 hrs from here) but I am starting to think it's time to go. I dont' want to live paycheck to paycheck. I want to live/save/date!

I can work from anywhere and am waiting to hear about an overseas job I just interviewed for. Here are my options:

1. Do I accept it if offered? Pay is better and I can have an interesting life outside of work but it's FAR and dating there is questionable. They have NGOs and embassies, etc.
2. Do I move to another US city where there might be less competition for dates and save money but have NO friends or family there?
3. Suck it up in DC and see what happens? There are men here but I'm older and I can barely get out.

I want a partner to experience life with but if I never find him I still want to enjoy life. WWYD?

Go to East Africa -- it's the secret that German women know about!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes i'm online and i chat online with people who seem interesting but 8/10 it doesn't move to a phone call and rarely does a phone call lead to a meeting. last year i probably met fewer than ten guys from online, probably closer to 5. went out with 2 more than once and lost interest.

i know asia and the middle east are the worst. it's either make money and travel or stay local, date occassionally and be broke. sigh

Just a thought - have you considered maybe you might be gay and that's why you lost interest eventually in the men you were trying to date?

[Anonymous]

I was wondering that, too. I absolutely understand wanting to meet someone and get married, but can you say more about your desire to have more children? Most men your age don't have young children, and might not want to start a family. Also, biologically it's no longer possible...were you thinking about adoption?