Spinster here. Should I leave DC for better options?

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would you think that it would be easier to connect with people overseas???

I'm sorry but if you haven't found a husband yet, I doubt you will ever get married. Just stay in DC where you and your child have friends.

[Anonymous]

That isn't nice to say. I feel sad now.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand you would like another child, but do you *really* know how much adoption costs through an agency? You stated you have no savings other than your home and you are 50. I assume that means you have nothing in retirement either. Even if you plan to work until you die without having a retirement, sometimes that just isn't possible. I hate to say this, but you really can not afford to have another child. Please read this thread... it's really eye opening. http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/351086.page

[Anonymous]

I guess I keep thinking something is going to click for me financially.. it may never, that is true.

I have decided to move if I get the job overseas. Keep ya posted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand you would like another child, but do you *really* know how much adoption costs through an agency? You stated you have no savings other than your home and you are 50. I assume that means you have nothing in retirement either. Even if you plan to work until you die without having a retirement, sometimes that just isn't possible. I hate to say this, but you really can not afford to have another child. Please read this thread... it's really eye opening. http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/351086.page

Its not even the adoption costs that are so bad (even though they are) - more like daycare and aftercare and everything else for 18 years (or more).

[Anonymous]

match.com and don't move for men. Dating sucks everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Don't move for men, but for a better quality of life! The equity in your house will allow you to put down AT LEAST a 60-80% down payment on a very nice home in another part of the country that's a good place to live. This would allow you to save more money and firm up your retirement. And, you'll probably have your house fully paid off in the next decade. I also thought you said something about schools for your DC? You'd be able to put your child in private school too.

You will have extra $$ to spend on things, like going out, and traveling, and a nanny to watch your DC so you can meet new people. Not just men.

If I had $250k in equity in my house, I'd be down in Charlotte or Nashville or Wilmington or the litany of other absolutely beautiful places to our south.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't move for men, but for a better quality of life! The equity in your house will allow you to put down AT LEAST a 60-80% down payment on a very nice home in another part of the country that's a good place to live. This would allow you to save more money and firm up your retirement. And, you'll probably have your house fully paid off in the next decade. I also thought you said something about schools for your DC? You'd be able to put your child in private school too.

You will have extra $$ to spend on things, like going out, and traveling, and a nanny to watch your DC so you can meet new people. Not just men.

If I had $250k in equity in my house, I'd be down in Charlotte or Nashville or Wilmington or the litany of other absolutely beautiful places to our south.

Not OP - but I like this advice.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP. Move down South, or to the Midwest, where it's cheap. For $250k, you could buy a small house and still have $100k left over. Also, be open to men who have a lower educational attainment and careers. A lot of women are stuck up about education, often to their own detriment.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried EHarmony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah I lived my late 20's abroad and we used to take bets whenever a single expat woman would move into town on how long she'd last. She was used to getting attention in the US/UK/etc but where we were in Eastern Europe and the local women were just stunning. I think the longest one lasted 6 months, and the shortest was about a month before moving back to where they got some attentoin.

Wait. So women would quit their job because local men didn't notice them? That's hard to believe. Maybe it was the weather, unfriendliness of the people and communist vibe?

No. Women eventually quit their jobs because they found the social scene (in this case, in Moscow, where in the nineties I had a front-row seat to the rise and fall of expat royalty) very lacking for them, while the guys were having a ball due to oversupply of women who were a) beautiful beyond what they could find in the U.S., and b) available. Expat women were simply discarded.

I remember a column in The Exile, a funny little tabloid in Moscow run by two American guys, by a woman writing as Mistress Suki. The first entry started like this:

"Six months in Moscow, and I've been reduced to eating pussy."

[Anonymous]

OP, you should definitely move if offered the job - not for dating, but for a change of scenery, more $$ an different experiences. Live your life, don't worry about getting married.

[Anonymous]

Get an RV and go town hopping until you find a place (and a fella) that you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Straight OP here. #rolls eyes
I'm not gay. My child is 6 so adopting a newborn isn't out of the realm of possibility and they won't be too far apart in age if I attempt it next year. Biological isn't really something I'm considering at this time.

I know expat men prefer young local women but I'm considering Africa not Asia. I'm hopeful that this might be different. PP mentioned the East African secret. Anyone else know about this??

Finances really are the issue though. I need to make more. All I have is my house, but to be honest moving to a US city where I know no one seems daunting and stressful. At least overseas it's easier to connect with people..

What's going on in East Africa is male prostitution. Euro women pay men to pretend to be their boyfriends whenever they visit. Some hand over money at the start of the trip so that the men can "pay" for everything. I am the early 30s woman, single mom, living abroad. African men...if you're willing to sponsor someone's pursuit of a green card, have at it! You will be a magnet for men who are eager to "settle down" and marry. I am a black woman, so I blend in as a local where I am. I can't tell you how many times I have witnessed it register on a flirtatious local man's face that I am American, as if God has blessed him with a meal ticket. I've seen local men totally take advantage of single expat women who are not used to regular male attention. Are all guys looking for a come up? Of course not. But if he's poor, which most men will be in your typical African post...well good luck with that. I date local guys (and Americans) and I will only date men with a current US visa, at a minimum. I target areas where native men with US or dual citizenship tend to hang. I look for professional circles. You CAN find a good guy. I have friends who have been successful (marriage to a decent guy). But it takes patience and a sense of humor. There's a Ghanaian online sitcom that describes many of the experiences my friends and I are having. It's called "An African City" and its on YouTube. Hilarious!!!

https://www.youtube.com/user/AnAfricanCity

The money is great, I can't lie. I have fun, I enjoy our life here, but it takes effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Straight OP here. #rolls eyes
I'm not gay. My child is 6 so adopting a newborn isn't out of the realm of possibility and they won't be too far apart in age if I attempt it next year. Biological isn't really something I'm considering at this time.

I know expat men prefer young local women but I'm considering Africa not Asia. I'm hopeful that this might be different. PP mentioned the East African secret. Anyone else know about this??

Finances really are the issue though. I need to make more. All I have is my house, but to be honest moving to a US city where I know no one seems daunting and stressful. At least overseas it's easier to connect with people..

What's going on in East Africa is male prostitution. Euro women pay men to pretend to be their boyfriends whenever they visit. Some hand over money at the start of the trip so that the men can "pay" for everything. I am the early 30s woman, single mom, living abroad. African men...if you're willing to sponsor someone's pursuit of a green card, have at it! You will be a magnet for men who are eager to "settle down" and marry. I am a black woman, so I blend in as a local where I am. I can't tell you how many times I have witnessed it register on a flirtatious local man's face that I am American, as if God has blessed him with a meal ticket. I've seen local men totally take advantage of single expat women who are not used to regular male attention. Are all guys looking for a come up? Of course not. But if he's poor, which most men will be in your typical African post...well good luck with that. I date local guys (and Americans) and I will only date men with a current US visa, at a minimum. I target areas where native men with US or dual citizenship tend to hang. I look for professional circles. You CAN find a good guy. I have friends who have been successful (marriage to a decent guy). But it takes patience and a sense of humor. There's a Ghanaian online sitcom that describes many of the experiences my friends and I are having. It's called "An African City" and its on YouTube. Hilarious!!!

https://www.youtube.com/user/AnAfricanCity

The money is great, I can't lie. I have fun, I enjoy our life here, but it takes effort.

Thank you so much for this! Good advice, sage advice and you are giving me hope. I wonder if it's easier in West Africa. For some reason I feel as if men there are more open to dating westerners. In any event, thanks so much for that link! I can't wait to check that series out. Looks fascinating! Where are you posted? Ghana?