is DH unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Wait, you are pissed because he said "I don't care if you take them"!?

[Anonymous]

OP - this issue is unimportant.

It was important enough to you to do it.
It was unimportant to your husband, so he wouldn't do it.
There is no right answer here. This is not a subject to fight about. You don't get any kudos for doing what you did. My guess is you wanted kudos from husband, affirmation of the trouble you went to - that is your fault. After the event it shouldn't have been mentioned. If you decide to do these acts of devotion for your DC do it. But do it without fanfare.

I can guarantee if your husband didn't think it was worth his time to do it - he sure doesn't think it's worth his time to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, its about 15 minutes to drive from work to home, from home to school and back to work so total about 45 minutes. Yes I undermined mine husband on this because I felt this was important. And its not like DS knows about the argument so my DH's parenting decisions were not udermined. it's not like Dad says no TV, and mom turns it on. Completely different. For posters who say that I am making the illness up to strengthen my argument... Why would I post the whole thing in the initial post, the illness is of no consequence to my DH's decision. Some of you started asking if the cild was crying more than usual so answered. He was sick for a few days, we kept him home Tuesday when he was fever free to ensure that not symptomatic anymore, he went to school today and was still feeling tired.

OP, what if you said to DH that DS should not go somewhere, and then DH took DS anyway? Would you feel undermined? Would you be angry?

OP here, yes I would be upset. But you have to put the situation into the context of school calling, DS crying, and DS being a new kindergartner who is still adjusting to the new school.

OP, you are saying that it was ok to undermine DH, because you were right and he was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an aside I'd like to share with you all that I HATE THE SPECIAL DRESS-UP DAYS. It's a nightmare to remember, try to find the right clothes, etc.

Do you remember the important meetings you have?

I don't put pajama day in the same category of bringing home the mortgage money. Do you?

Do I put parenting my children and remembering things that they value in the same category as money? Is that what you're asking? Yes. Yes I do. I'm a single working mom of two and I find it just as easy to put kids items on my calendar. Sad that you don't.

Cannot. Stop. Laughing. My kiddo really values legos. In fact, I like them too. Making sure roof stays over head is vastly more important. Even qualifies as "parenting", in my book.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I am pissed because I had to leave work when he was right by the school. Taking pajamas to school takes no effort at all, the school is walking distance to the house. I am pissed that he does not understand that important in his book is different from important in DS's book. I am pissed for many reasons that have nothing to do with pajamas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, its about 15 minutes to drive from work to home, from home to school and back to work so total about 45 minutes. Yes I undermined mine husband on this because I felt this was important. And its not like DS knows about the argument so my DH's parenting decisions were not udermined. it's not like Dad says no TV, and mom turns it on. Completely different. For posters who say that I am making the illness up to strengthen my argument... Why would I post the whole thing in the initial post, the illness is of no consequence to my DH's decision. Some of you started asking if the cild was crying more than usual so answered. He was sick for a few days, we kept him home Tuesday when he was fever free to ensure that not symptomatic anymore, he went to school today and was still feeling tired.

OP, what if you said to DH that DS should not go somewhere, and then DH took DS anyway? Would you feel undermined? Would you be angry?

OP here, yes I would be upset. But you have to put the situation into the context of school calling, DS crying, and DS being a new kindergartner who is still adjusting to the new school.

OP, you are saying that it was ok to undermine DH, because you were right and he was wrong.

This is OP "undermine" suggests to me that someone holds a position of authority over me. Which is not the case in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This situation is different than the ice cream cone falling on the floor or the park being closed. We walk away from those situations. But, this pajama thing--he's sitting there for 7 hours constantly reminded of how he stands out when everyone just tries so hard to fit in. He can't relax and learn. He can't walk away from the situation and then do something completely different.

Wow, I really feel you are being melodramatic. I am sure it would be disappointing and difficult for my son if I forgot to put him in his pajamas on pajama day. There are kids in his class that do not have enough food to eat at home and have food for the weekend sent home in a backpack. There are kids whose parents don't care enough or unable to wash their clothes so they go to school in the same filthy outfit day after day. those are the kids who are standing out while trying so hard to fit in. DS will pull through if he misses pajama day.

Everything is relative. Most of the people on this forum have much more money than I grew up with or we have now. DC is a place full of $1 million+++ houses and condos. Imagine if you had financial/food obstacles trying to fit in and then you missed pajama day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am pissed because I had to leave work when he was right by the school. Taking pajamas to school takes no effort at all, the school is walking distance to the house. I am pissed that he does not understand that important in his book is different from important in DS's book. I am pissed for many reasons that have nothing to do with pajamas.

No, you didn't have to leave work. You chose to leave work, because you thought the pajamas were important. And maybe they were important! But it's still your choice.

[Anonymous]

so.... your DS will develop compassion for people when they feel out of place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Why in the heck did the school think this warranted a phone call? Good grief, it's one day.

2) That said, DH really could have done it, unless he had a crazy day of working from home or needed to be there for a repairman. If he can great, if not well, oh well.

3) You leaving work early and driving over an hour home? That was insane. Totally unnecessary...and on top of it it undermined the decision your DH already made. You should have let it go.

4) Since nearly all these involve not delivering the PJs, apologize to DS when he gets home and do something extra nice like have ice cream after dinner.

Done.

+1 I WFH close to the school and would not have run the PJs over. I'm a DW. You were insane to do what you did. Your child will have many more incidences of being upset about "being the only one". You need to teach your kid how to deal with disappointments, whose ever fault it was.

I probably coddle my kids more than my DH, too, but the incidence you describe was a bit too much.

And totally agree with #1 - whoever had the school call home is ridiculous.

For a kindergartener who was crying over it? That's just mean. I would have.

Is it mean that I teach my DC to deal with disappointments?

So, if your K cries because another kid won a prize and your kid didn't, would you run out and buy your DC a prize? Wow. That's teaching your DC ...oh what's it called... oh I know... the world revolves and caters to what you want.

That's hardly the same thing, which I hope you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, its about 15 minutes to drive from work to home, from home to school and back to work so total about 45 minutes. Yes I undermined mine husband on this because I felt this was important. And its not like DS knows about the argument so my DH's parenting decisions were not udermined. it's not like Dad says no TV, and mom turns it on. Completely different. For posters who say that I am making the illness up to strengthen my argument... Why would I post the whole thing in the initial post, the illness is of no consequence to my DH's decision. Some of you started asking if the cild was crying more than usual so answered. He was sick for a few days, we kept him home Tuesday when he was fever free to ensure that not symptomatic anymore, he went to school today and was still feeling tired.

OP, what if you said to DH that DS should not go somewhere, and then DH took DS anyway? Would you feel undermined? Would you be angry?

OP here, yes I would be upset. But you have to put the situation into the context of school calling, DS crying, and DS being a new kindergartner who is still adjusting to the new school.

OP, you are saying that it was ok to undermine DH, because you were right and he was wrong.

This is OP "undermine" suggests to me that someone holds a position of authority over me. Which is not the case in my marriage.

No. He can undermine your decisions as a parent. And you can undermine his decisions as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an aside I'd like to share with you all that I HATE THE SPECIAL DRESS-UP DAYS. It's a nightmare to remember, try to find the right clothes, etc.

Do you remember the important meetings you have?

I don't put pajama day in the same category of bringing home the mortgage money. Do you?

Do I put parenting my children and remembering things that they value in the same category as money? Is that what you're asking? Yes. Yes I do. I'm a single working mom of two and I find it just as easy to put kids items on my calendar. Sad that you don't.

Cannot. Stop. Laughing. My kiddo really values legos. In fact, I like them too. Making sure roof stays over head is vastly more important. Even qualifies as "parenting", in my book.

Not everyone is meant to have children I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am pissed because I had to leave work when he was right by the school. Taking pajamas to school takes no effort at all, the school is walking distance to the house. I am pissed that he does not understand that important in his book is different from important in DS's book. I am pissed for many reasons that have nothing to do with pajamas.

No, you didn't have to leave work. You chose to leave work, because you thought the pajamas were important. And maybe they were important! But it's still your choice.

This. Fine don't accept some responsibility for why you are pissed. My guess is that if you spent more time reflecting that you're not always right and the perfect parent, a lot of the other things you are pissed about will seem better

[Anonymous]

OP here, I am pissed because I had to leave work when he was right by the school. Taking pajamas to school takes no effort at all, the school is walking distance to the house. I am pissed that he does not understand that important in his book is different from important in DS's book. I am pissed for many reasons that have nothing to do with pajamas.

You didn't have to leave work, you chose to. But I can see why you are annoyed that you asked DH to do a relatively simple thing that would have made you and DS happier, and he refused for no apparent reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am pissed because I had to leave work when he was right by the school. Taking pajamas to school takes no effort at all, the school is walking distance to the house. I am pissed that he does not understand that important in his book is different from important in DS's book. I am pissed for many reasons that have nothing to do with pajamas.

No, you didn't have to leave work. You chose to leave work, because you thought the pajamas were important. And maybe they were important! But it's still your choice.

This. Fine don't accept some responsibility for why you are pissed. My guess is that if you spent more time reflecting that you're not always right and the perfect parent, a lot of the other things you are pissed about will seem better