is DH unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Why in the heck did the school think this warranted a phone call? Good grief, it's one day.

2) That said, DH really could have done it, unless he had a crazy day of working from home or needed to be there for a repairman. If he can great, if not well, oh well.

3) You leaving work early and driving over an hour home? That was insane. Totally unnecessary...and on top of it it undermined the decision your DH already made. You should have let it go.

4) Since nearly all these involve not delivering the PJs, apologize to DS when he gets home and do something extra nice like have ice cream after dinner.

Done.

Agree with #3 wholeheartedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am pissed because I had to leave work when he was right by the school. Taking pajamas to school takes no effort at all, the school is walking distance to the house. I am pissed that he does not understand that important in his book is different from important in DS's book. I am pissed for many reasons that have nothing to do with pajamas.

I'm 100% with you OP. If my husband wouldn't have dropped them off (he's a bit of a bear when woken up), I would've done the exact same thing (with a few choice words for DH). DD has difficulty adjusting herself, and if she were 5 in this situation I would've left work to do the same thing (thankfully I work from home so I'm the one who gets the calls and runs over if needed). Good for you for being there for your child when he clearly needed some support. No, this will not make him spoiled by any means, and will be a great teachable moment for the future about being nice to people who are different or standing out or upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am pissed because I had to leave work when he was right by the school. Taking pajamas to school takes no effort at all, the school is walking distance to the house. I am pissed that he does not understand that important in his book is different from important in DS's book. I am pissed for many reasons that have nothing to do with pajamas.

I get it, OP. It's hard to communicate about that, because DH sees the long term picture. Maybe ask DS to list out the top 3-5 disappointments from the past year. Is that dumb? If this makes this list of the top 5, then the pajama delivery should have been a no-brainer. Just making this up as a way to communicate it's overall importance.

Those dress up days are the worst. Missing them is the worst. All of the kids talk about each other's costume/outfit/whatever. But, no one talks about your outfit, and you fall into this category of not mattering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Why in the heck did the school think this warranted a phone call? Good grief, it's one day.

2) That said, DH really could have done it, unless he had a crazy day of working from home or needed to be there for a repairman. If he can great, if not well, oh well.

3) You leaving work early and driving over an hour home? That was insane. Totally unnecessary...and on top of it it undermined the decision your DH already made. You should have let it go.

4) Since nearly all these involve not delivering the PJs, apologize to DS when he gets home and do something extra nice like have ice cream after dinner.

Done.

Agree with #3 wholeheartedly.

Good grief do any of you read? OP said it was 45min round trip from office, to home, to school, back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Why in the heck did the school think this warranted a phone call? Good grief, it's one day.

2) That said, DH really could have done it, unless he had a crazy day of working from home or needed to be there for a repairman. If he can great, if not well, oh well.

3) You leaving work early and driving over an hour home? That was insane. Totally unnecessary...and on top of it it undermined the decision your DH already made. You should have let it go.

4) Since nearly all these involve not delivering the PJs, apologize to DS when he gets home and do something extra nice like have ice cream after dinner.

Done.

Agree with #3 wholeheartedly.

OP clarified that it was 45 minutes. She was 15 minutes from the house.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that 45 minutes vs. 60 minutes makes it more rational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an aside I'd like to share with you all that I HATE THE SPECIAL DRESS-UP DAYS. It's a nightmare to remember, try to find the right clothes, etc.

Do you remember the important meetings you have?

I don't put pajama day in the same category of bringing home the mortgage money. Do you?

Do I put parenting my children and remembering things that they value in the same category as money? Is that what you're asking? Yes. Yes I do. I'm a single working mom of two and I find it just as easy to put kids items on my calendar. Sad that you don't.

Cannot. Stop. Laughing. My kiddo really values legos. In fact, I like them too. Making sure roof stays over head is vastly more important. Even qualifies as "parenting", in my book.

Not everyone is meant to have children I guess.

Keep trying PP. I'm sure that zinger of an insult is coming.

[Anonymous]

Imagine if you had financial/food obstacles trying to fit in and then you missed pajama day.

Oh, I can almost guarantee that most of the children in my son's class who have significant financial and food obstacles are missing events like pajama day. My point is that if my son, who lives in a nice house, and has plenty of food, legos, attention, and love at home, has to miss a pajama day, I expect that he will display the resilience to cope with the disappointment. If I were at home, I'd bring him the PJs. If I had to travel back from work, no way!

[Anonymous]

I'm with the PP a few pages back whose parents were you, OP -- never remembering permission slips, dress-up days, etc. I grew up feeling left out. Did it make me stronger and more resilient? Maybe. But it also made me sad.

Your DH was a douche for not immediately taking the PJs to the school. It's just not that much to do to make your kid happy for a day, instead of miserable and alone.

I'm not one to advocate rushing to fix everything every time a kid is unhappy, but this was the PARENTS' fault. Get a calendar, and use it. This stuff matters to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am pissed because I had to leave work when he was right by the school. Taking pajamas to school takes no effort at all, the school is walking distance to the house. I am pissed that he does not understand that important in his book is different from important in DS's book. I am pissed for many reasons that have nothing to do with pajamas.

So go to marriage counseling or a parenting class or hash things out with DH over a bottle of wine and pizza Friday night after DS goes to bed.

You and DH do what it takes to get back into team mode.

[Anonymous]

I'm with the PP a few pages back whose parents were you, OP -- never remembering permission slips, dress-up days, etc. I grew up feeling left out. Did it make me stronger and more resilient? Maybe. But it also made me sad.

It doesn't sound like this child's parents are never remembering special events if it was enough of a big deal for his mom to drive home to give him the PJs, which I think is the difference. My mom, who is usually a person who remembers everything, forgot to dress me up for picture day when I was five. I don't remember it, but I love that photo of myself in a stained Big Bird sweatshirt with crazy hair. If she always forgot things, it would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm with the PP a few pages back whose parents were you, OP -- never remembering permission slips, dress-up days, etc. I grew up feeling left out. Did it make me stronger and more resilient? Maybe. But it also made me sad.

It doesn't sound like this child's parents are never remembering special events if it was enough of a big deal for his mom to drive home to give him the PJs, which I think is the difference. My mom, who is usually a person who remembers everything, forgot to dress me up for picture day when I was five. I don't remember it, but I love that photo of myself in a stained Big Bird sweatshirt with crazy hair. If she always forgot things, it would be different.

I am that parent. I forgot my DC's pix day a few years ago. Needless to say, not my fave pix of him. I have forgotten a few events at my DCs' schools, possibly even PJ day. I really don't remember because it is not a huge deal in our house if DC was the only one who forgot PJ day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am pissed because I had to leave work when he was right by the school. Taking pajamas to school takes no effort at all, the school is walking distance to the house. I am pissed that he does not understand that important in his book is different from important in DS's book. I am pissed for many reasons that have nothing to do with pajamas.

Why do people who are in bad relationships always come to DCUM with the dumbest examples of why they are pissed at their spouse? It always starts with a simple issue (like this one) and then we find out that their relationship already sucked. In the future, please come stronger with why your DH/DW is an asshole if you want overwhelming DCUM support for your position.

Rant over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is it mean that I teach my DC to deal with disappointments?

So, if your K cries because another kid won a prize and your kid didn't, would you run out and buy your DC a prize? Wow. That's teaching your DC ...oh what's it called... oh I know... the world revolves and caters to what you want.

But this is different. It's more like the time I realized that the function was formal, but I was wearing jeans and felt uncomfortable all day. I'm grown, so I didn't cry, but I sure would have been pissed if I was in that situation because someone else had messed up.

NP. Good analogy. I would like to think that in that scenario if I had called DH at home and been able to give sufficiently specific info on what I wanted he could have made a quick trip to bring me the appropriate outfit and jewelry. I've done something similar for him on many occasions.

If a family member or close friend of mine has an oops moment and forgets something that results in them being/feeling horribly out of place in a situation or otherwise in a bind and I reasonably can make an attempt to fix it without too much inconvenience, I'm likely to do so. This would obviously not apply if it were a child with a pattern of irresponsibility at an age where the responsibility was reasonable to expect, but this was a one time instance of a K kid and his parents all forgetting about a special occasion at school.

I don't think OP's DH was completely out of line because I think there's merit to both taking the forgotten PJs and trying to teach the kid that this was a minor thing not worth causing a fuss or a special trip. But if I were OP's DH with only the details provided in the OP I probably would have brought the PJs to the kid.

[Anonymous]

There will be a million things that you think are important, and husband doesn't. Or visa versa. If one of you becomes too bossy - guess what - it's not about pajamas anymore, it's about a child who has to live with parents who argue.