1st grade boy never eats his packed lunch...need other viewpoints, pls - DH is so frustrated

[Anonymous]

Wow - OP here, who knew this would get so many replies!

So DH and I had a long talk about this last night. I think our problem is multifaceted - confusing messages from DS and a bit of a control issue by DH.

DS is not helping matters by not being 100% honest about what he wants to eat. DH's frustration lies in the fact that DS will say, "Daddy, can I please have xyz for lunch today?" and then DH will pack XYZ and it comes home uneaten. However, when I ask him about it later, DS either says he didn't have time or he didn't like it. When I asked DS last night what was going on, he said he really just wants a PB&J.

So DH and I have agreed that we're going to try to send in a PB&J every day for a while and see how it goes. However, DH really and truly believes that it's unhealthy to eat a PB&J every day (really just 4x a week bc of pizza Fridays). I do not. We disagree vehemently on this topic. I don't really see how I can change his mind on this, as it doesn't appear to be fact based in any way. It's just his stubborn opinion. I really don't think eating a hot dog or a thermos of tortellini is necessarily healthier than a PB&J. I honestly think he just doesn't like the idea of having one of "those kids" who only eat certain bland kid foods. DS is good eater at home and at restaurants, and he eats lots of interesting things. I want to let this whole battle die and just let the kid eat whatever boring fast lunch he wants, and just focus on great breakfasts and dinners. The kid eats crab and shrimp and fish and jambalaya and Chinese food and sushi and a million other good things. So let's let him have his boring lunch, for god's sake! DH is not pleased but agreeing to try it on a trial basis.

DS is not swapping food - they're not permitted to swap at our school - but I do think he's chatting and just doesn't focus on getting his thermos and fork out. A simple sandwich is just easier and faster. I know at least once this year he couldn't get it open and it took forever to get a lunchroom aide to help him.

One other topic that kept coming up is that DH is frustrated that DS thinks it's ok to waste food and just throw out his lunch. DH needs to divorce the meaning from the food a little bit. It's a bigger issue than just food for him...he ties it all up with how hard we work and how much money gets wasted and he takes it really seriously. I do think we have a responsibility to teach the child to not waste things and to be respectful, but at some point you have to cut the kid some slack. He's 6. For him it's just food.

Sorry I'm rambling. It did really help me to hear so many of you agree with me. It made me feel like I wasn't the crazy one!!

(also - quesadilla doubters - they're great if they go in a thermos. Try it!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - OP here, who knew this would get so many replies!

So DH and I had a long talk about this last night. I think our problem is multifaceted - confusing messages from DS and a bit of a control issue by DH.

DS is not helping matters by not being 100% honest about what he wants to eat. DH's frustration lies in the fact that DS will say, "Daddy, can I please have xyz for lunch today?" and then DH will pack XYZ and it comes home uneaten. However, when I ask him about it later, DS either says he didn't have time or he didn't like it. When I asked DS last night what was going on, he said he really just wants a PB&J.

So DH and I have agreed that we're going to try to send in a PB&J every day for a while and see how it goes. However, DH really and truly believes that it's unhealthy to eat a PB&J every day (really just 4x a week bc of pizza Fridays). I do not. We disagree vehemently on this topic. I don't really see how I can change his mind on this, as it doesn't appear to be fact based in any way. It's just his stubborn opinion. I really don't think eating a hot dog or a thermos of tortellini is necessarily healthier than a PB&J. I honestly think he just doesn't like the idea of having one of "those kids" who only eat certain bland kid foods. DS is good eater at home and at restaurants, and he eats lots of interesting things. I want to let this whole battle die and just let the kid eat whatever boring fast lunch he wants, and just focus on great breakfasts and dinners. The kid eats crab and shrimp and fish and jambalaya and Chinese food and sushi and a million other good things. So let's let him have his boring lunch, for god's sake! DH is not pleased but agreeing to try it on a trial basis.

DS is not swapping food - they're not permitted to swap at our school - but I do think he's chatting and just doesn't focus on getting his thermos and fork out. A simple sandwich is just easier and faster. I know at least once this year he couldn't get it open and it took forever to get a lunchroom aide to help him.

One other topic that kept coming up is that DH is frustrated that DS thinks it's ok to waste food and just throw out his lunch. DH needs to divorce the meaning from the food a little bit. It's a bigger issue than just food for him...he ties it all up with how hard we work and how much money gets wasted and he takes it really seriously. I do think we have a responsibility to teach the child to not waste things and to be respectful, but at some point you have to cut the kid some slack. He's 6. For him it's just food.

Sorry I'm rambling. It did really help me to hear so many of you agree with me. It made me feel like I wasn't the crazy one!!

(also - quesadilla doubters - they're great if they go in a thermos. Try it!)

Good reply back OP. I was the the initial poster who mentioned your husband might want to go in at lunch and I still think this is a really good option. First off, he will see the mass chaos. Second, he will unfortunately see the gross food that comes out of the cafeteria and what other kids may bring. Maybe his idea of a PB&J won't be so "bad." I totally understand he doesn't want to have "that kid" that only eats like 3-4 foods and as a positive, many Dads barely care so be happy yours does. It is just how he is projecting it onto his kids that is not so good. Here are a few ideas to help:

1. Whole wheat bread, natural PB and organic low sugar jelly. It IS indeed healthy.

2. Place the sandwich in a plastic container that has another slotted side (or 2) Put a few grapes or carrot sticks in one section, fresh popcorn in another. Close it and add a thermos of milk. This showcases all the food in one container to open and the thermos of milk to drink. I find that when parents put each item in a separate container or baggie, most don't even get touched. I use these
http://www.amazon.com/EasyLunchboxes-3-Compartment-Bento-Containers-Classic/dp/B004S129AQ/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1412780457&sr=8-3&keywords=lunch+box

3. Make a rule that he is not allowed to throw-away any food at lunch. We do this and my kid eats what comes home plus a small "treat" for listening. So if half the popcorn, 4 grapes and half a crust come home, he eats all but the crust and then gets a yogurt stick or pirate booty etc... This will help the communication between your DH and son. The food all gets eaten at some point during the day = no waste and he can see what is working and what is not for food.

Good Luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about... if you start eating more of your lunch I will give you pb&j on Fridays? I wouldn't pack him as much on other days. I have a 1st grader and I give him a smaller amount of food and what he doesn't eat at lunch he eats as a snack when he gets home from school.

Why does everyone always side on giving kids whatever they want? What is the reason behind that?

Because we want our kids to eat SOMETHING at school ANYTHING. My dd is picky too, and I will truly pack her whatever she will eat.

[Anonymous]

DH is trying too hard. It's all in the delivery. My guess he is a little pissed all of his hard work is going in the garbage despite his child saying that he wants it for lunch....to that I say the conversation probably goes like this:

DH: DS what do you want for lunch tomorrow?
DS: *shrug*
DH: Hmmm, I have been thinking about making this because it is sooo delicious and yummy, how about a crisp endive salad with sliced pears and walnuts topped with gorganzola? It is the best salad on the planet even iron man eats it.
DS:I'll take two

[Anonymous]

OP, my child has taken either a PBJ OR cold cheese quesadillas for lunch EVERY DAY for the past 3 years. This year he has a child in his class who is allergic to PB, so it's literally only the quesadillas. He also gets a fruit and a bottle of water. If I pack anything more than that he eats nothing. I treat the repetitive lunch issue much the same as the way my kids watch movies (they will watch the same movie over and over and over again and never get tired of it).

[Anonymous]

Pack only non-perishables. If it doesn't get eaten at lunch it becomes snack or lunch another day

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a middle schooler who has subsisted on PB& J almost every day for about seven years now. He's fine, it gets eaten (in that ten minute window others have cited), and he eats a wide variety of foods outside of school hours. Glad to see you and your husband had a talk and are closer to some resolution. It'll all work out. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I am you DH. Well, not literally, I mean, I'm not married to you, I'm a woman, etc etc, but anyway. Yes, that is me.

And yet I do acquiesce to the same-thing-every-day-for-lunch thing. I don't buy crap -- it's healthy stuff. But it's pretty much the ONLY healthy thing she'll eat. So I pack it.

In our case it's hambuger/hot dog bun with cream cheese and roasted turkey breast sandwich. She might also eat breakfast cereal (I just pack the milk in the thermos) and maybe also oatmeal. Those are the ONLY THREE OPTIONS she'll eat! It's almost ALWAYS turkey breast sandwich with cream cheese.

I play around with the sides for my own amusement. I pack any two: yogurt, fruit slices, pickle, veggie chips, pop corn, hummous+wheat thins, and add a Luna bar for the days she's got after school activities.

After I got into the habit of packing the same old same old, I don't let it bother me too much that my girl is eating monotonously at lunch. For us, we just need to get food in her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my child has taken either a PBJ OR cold cheese quesadillas for lunch EVERY DAY for the past 3 years. This year he has a child in his class who is allergic to PB, so it's literally only the quesadillas. He also gets a fruit and a bottle of water. If I pack anything more than that he eats nothing. I treat the repetitive lunch issue much the same as the way my kids watch movies (they will watch the same movie over and over and over again and never get tired of it).

Try sun butter. Made from sunflower seeds and has pretty much the same nutritional content as peanut butter. It tastes a little different if you eat it plain, but you can't really tell in a sandwich with jelly.

[Anonymous]

Pick your battles, give him the dang PBJ and tell your DH nicely to get off the cross

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs some real problems, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - OP here, who knew this would get so many replies!

So DH and I had a long talk about this last night. I think our problem is multifaceted - confusing messages from DS and a bit of a control issue by DH.

DS is not helping matters by not being 100% honest about what he wants to eat. DH's frustration lies in the fact that DS will say, "Daddy, can I please have xyz for lunch today?" and then DH will pack XYZ and it comes home uneaten. However, when I ask him about it later, DS either says he didn't have time or he didn't like it. When I asked DS last night what was going on, he said he really just wants a PB&J.

So DH and I have agreed that we're going to try to send in a PB&J every day for a while and see how it goes. However, DH really and truly believes that it's unhealthy to eat a PB&J every day (really just 4x a week bc of pizza Fridays). I do not. We disagree vehemently on this topic. I don't really see how I can change his mind on this, as it doesn't appear to be fact based in any way. It's just his stubborn opinion. I really don't think eating a hot dog or a thermos of tortellini is necessarily healthier than a PB&J. I honestly think he just doesn't like the idea of having one of "those kids" who only eat certain bland kid foods. DS is good eater at home and at restaurants, and he eats lots of interesting things. I want to let this whole battle die and just let the kid eat whatever boring fast lunch he wants, and just focus on great breakfasts and dinners. The kid eats crab and shrimp and fish and jambalaya and Chinese food and sushi and a million other good things. So let's let him have his boring lunch, for god's sake! DH is not pleased but agreeing to try it on a trial basis.

DS is not swapping food - they're not permitted to swap at our school - but I do think he's chatting and just doesn't focus on getting his thermos and fork out. A simple sandwich is just easier and faster. I know at least once this year he couldn't get it open and it took forever to get a lunchroom aide to help him.

One other topic that kept coming up is that DH is frustrated that DS thinks it's ok to waste food and just throw out his lunch. DH needs to divorce the meaning from the food a little bit. It's a bigger issue than just food for him...he ties it all up with how hard we work and how much money gets wasted and he takes it really seriously. I do think we have a responsibility to teach the child to not waste things and to be respectful, but at some point you have to cut the kid some slack. He's 6. For him it's just food.

Sorry I'm rambling. It did really help me to hear so many of you agree with me. It made me feel like I wasn't the crazy one!!

(also - quesadilla doubters - they're great if they go in a thermos. Try it!)

Your husband doesn't want your son to be one of "those kids". The only group aware of a PB&J every day will be other 6 years olds. Tell DH to chill, when he's parading your son out in public he'll eat the wide variety of foods that his tyrannical father feels he needs to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my child has taken either a PBJ OR cold cheese quesadillas for lunch EVERY DAY for the past 3 years. This year he has a child in his class who is allergic to PB, so it's literally only the quesadillas. He also gets a fruit and a bottle of water. If I pack anything more than that he eats nothing. I treat the repetitive lunch issue much the same as the way my kids watch movies (they will watch the same movie over and over and over again and never get tired of it).

Try sun butter. Made from sunflower seeds and has pretty much the same nutritional content as peanut butter. It tastes a little different if you eat it plain, but you can't really tell in a sandwich with jelly.

I'm the pp you quoted. My DS refuses sun utter. He says he hates it. It's not an issue as he sets the quesadillas willingly daily. I do give him a pbj after school as a snack.

[Anonymous]

Sun butter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They SWAP foods. They eat from other kids' lunches.

Don't die on this hill.

Your DH needs to chill out.

This! My guess exactly! My now second grade DS did this a lot last year. I finally told him that I was going to pop in and catch him in the act. He stopped pretty quickly after that.

Also, your DH could try getting your son involved in the lunch making. Have DS pick out some yummy looking lunches from http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2012/04/19/school-lunch-roundup/ and help prepare them (time permitting, of course). Also, eating the same thing everyday never harmed anyone.

The f_ck? Kids swap food. Why is this bad? You seriously want your kid to be afraid that you be the mommie who goes to school to catch him sharing food?????

We pack DS tons of food, and I know he often shares it with other kids who have unhealthy junk (like three bags of chips and a soda for lunch). To me, it's awesome that DS shares. And, we've had tons of kids compliment DW's cooking (her homemade bread is very popular). If DS gets a cupcake or a bag of chips out of the bargain every once in a while, good for him Seriously, WTF?