1st grade boy never eats his packed lunch...need other viewpoints, pls - DH is so frustrated

[Anonymous]

OP, I also think your husband should visit at lunch. I was one of the people mentioning this already, but I wanted to add something. Parents who volunteer at lunch in the early years at our school spend most of their time walking around helping kids open containers that they can't open by themselves. Are you sure DS can open the thermos by himself? After I saw this, I tried never to give my kids things they couldn't open by themselves, because some kids spend a long time holding their hand up waiting for someone to come open their container. By the time it's open, they have less time to eat!

I also don't think there is anything wrong with PB and J every day. Ironically, that's the only lunch that my daughter refuses to eat! It always comes home with her. I'm trying to teach her that she should eat her lunch even if she doesn't like it. But I don't want to give her too much of a hard time about not eating it, because if I do I think she'll start throwing it away at school and I'll never know if she ate it or not. What I do is offer her the leftover lunch sandwich as her after-school snack. It's interesting that usually she is perfectly happy to eat something at home after not eating it at lunch. Of course, she's also quite hungry by the time she gets home, so that helps too! This has worked well for me, since she learns that I don't like to see it wasted, and also don't like her to be hungry. I also hope that it teaches her that it really doesn't taste that bad. (I don't point this out, since the more you press something the more kids will resist. But I think she'll learn it.)

[Anonymous]

More protein at breakfast if they're really not eating lunch. My DS threw out any vegetable side (like red pepper sticks, carrots) I put in his lunch for several years so it took me a while to catch on. He finally admitted it. Now I just don't send any veges and make sure he gets veges with dinner. What can I do.

[Anonymous]

And that was a rhetorical question.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't get what's wrong with PB&J every day. Make it with whole-grain bread and sugar-free peanut butter and jam. Has protein and fiber. Can be eaten quickly. Add some apple slices or carrot sticks and a cup of milk and you have a pretty balanced meal, actually.

Your husband really needs to stop assigning more weight to food than he is. Your son has a short lunch time--give him foods that are easy to eat and don't require any adult assistance. If your son eats a variety of foods at other meals, then you don't need to sweat either his palate or his nutrition.

[Anonymous]

If your DH has these values about working hard and not throwing money away, why on earth does he beat his head against the wall and persist? Do you have other kids? Is your DH the type who will put pressure on your DS to uphold all of DHs lofty ideals? Hopefully this will be a lesson to your DH. Fingers crossed that the experiment works. Especially if your son is eating so much variety in other meals, maybe he needs the constancy of one predictable meal. Kids like routine. It makes them feel safe. You might also tell DH that hotdogs and processed meats are probably the most unhealthy foods you can eat--all this research in the last year or two came out on this. If you want to teach some good ideals is not to grow up relying on life-shortening processed meat products. I do on rare occasion pack it in my DS's lunch but I feel guilty when I do. And I don't judge anyone who does. Some kids will only eat hotdogs. But I judge making the comparison btwn hotdogs and PBJ and insisting that hotdogs are healthier. Peanut butter is way healthier.

[Anonymous]

btw, just so I'm not giving peanut butter too often, I sometimes use almond butter instead. The kids don't like it quite as much, but it's still acceptable to them! And probably better nutritionally, though it's pricey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my child has taken either a PBJ OR cold cheese quesadillas for lunch EVERY DAY for the past 3 years. This year he has a child in his class who is allergic to PB, so it's literally only the quesadillas. He also gets a fruit and a bottle of water. If I pack anything more than that he eats nothing. I treat the repetitive lunch issue much the same as the way my kids watch movies (they will watch the same movie over and over and over again and never get tired of it).

Try sun butter. Made from sunflower seeds and has pretty much the same nutritional content as peanut butter. It tastes a little different if you eat it plain, but you can't really tell in a sandwich with jelly.

Sunbutter has a lot of sugar in it and less protein than a healthy peanut butter, so the nutritional profile isn't really the same, but it's still a viable alternative to peanut butter. Just use all-fruit spread with no added sugar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH has these values about working hard and not throwing money away, why on earth does he beat his head against the wall and persist? Do you have other kids? Is your DH the type who will put pressure on your DS to uphold all of DHs lofty ideals? Hopefully this will be a lesson to your DH. Fingers crossed that the experiment works. Especially if your son is eating so much variety in other meals, maybe he needs the constancy of one predictable meal. Kids like routine. It makes them feel safe. You might also tell DH that hotdogs and processed meats are probably the most unhealthy foods you can eat--all this research in the last year or two came out on this. If you want to teach some good ideals is not to grow up relying on life-shortening processed meat products. I do on rare occasion pack it in my DS's lunch but I feel guilty when I do. And I don't judge anyone who does. Some kids will only eat hotdogs. But I judge making the comparison btwn hotdogs and PBJ and insisting that hotdogs are healthier. Peanut butter is way healthier.

Yes, the OP's husband needs to consult a nutritionist if he thinks a cheese quesadilla or a hot dog is healthier than a PBJ made with fruit spread and high-quality peanut butter. And he might want to consult another expert about why he is making his 6 year-old's lunch preferences into such a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does the kid say?

The problem is that he's the world's most agreeable child. So every day he says "yes, daddy, I totally want mac & cheese today, I promise I will eat it"...and then he brings it back home with him. But he always eats the PB&J!

I do think the time thing is a major issue. They get like 25 minutes to eat and this kid moves slowly. He also may or may not be talking off the ear of every one of his tablemates.

I am glad to hear that others feel like I do - but I'm open to other viewpoints, too! Thanks!

I took away the things DD loved when we went thru the not eating phase. Don't eat lunch? Bye bye TV. Bye bye IPAD. Worked for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They SWAP foods. They eat from other kids' lunches.

Don't die on this hill.

Your DH needs to chill out.

This! My guess exactly! My now second grade DS did this a lot last year. I finally told him that I was going to pop in and catch him in the act. He stopped pretty quickly after that.

Also, your DH could try getting your son involved in the lunch making. Have DS pick out some yummy looking lunches from http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2012/04/19/school-lunch-roundup/ and help prepare them (time permitting, of course). Also, eating the same thing everyday never harmed anyone.

The f_ck? Kids swap food. Why is this bad? You seriously want your kid to be afraid that you be the mommie who goes to school to catch him sharing food?????

We pack DS tons of food, and I know he often shares it with other kids who have unhealthy junk (like three bags of chips and a soda for lunch). To me, it's awesome that DS shares. And, we've had tons of kids compliment DW's cooking (her homemade bread is very popular). If DS gets a cupcake or a bag of chips out of the bargain every once in a while, good for him Seriously, WTF?

there is no food sharing in my school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does the kid say?

The problem is that he's the world's most agreeable child. So every day he says "yes, daddy, I totally want mac & cheese today, I promise I will eat it"...and then he brings it back home with him. But he always eats the PB&J!

I do think the time thing is a major issue. They get like 25 minutes to eat and this kid moves slowly. He also may or may not be talking off the ear of every one of his tablemates.

I am glad to hear that others feel like I do - but I'm open to other viewpoints, too! Thanks!

Don't you think it's kind of setting him up to ask if he will eat what you pack? He wants to please and doesn't feel like he can say that he doesn't want mac & cheese. I'm in the camp of giving him the pb&j. I can't imagine that I would allow my child to go hungry when he has to function in school. This isn't a situation where there is no solution. It's an easy fix.

[Anonymous]

I'm 40 and I still eat pb&j for lunch. They taste good.

[Anonymous]

I'm beginning to wonder why DS is so agreeable and not asserting himself with DH. DS seems overly concerned with pleasing dad. Are there deeper dynamics going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm beginning to wonder why DS is so agreeable and not asserting himself with DH. DS seems overly concerned with pleasing dad. Are there deeper dynamics going on?

OP here. Nope. DS is just the world's easiest child with the sunniest disposition ever. Seriously. People are constantly telling me I have the happiest child they've ever met. He is a joy...except he doesn't eat his lunch.

So. An update:
DS got a PB&J on Wednesday and ate every bite.
DH offered a hot dog (why???) on Thursday and DS said yes. DH sent the hot dog. DS did not eat it.

PB&Js from now on!!!

[Anonymous]

Then I'm jealous!