1st grade boy never eats his packed lunch...need other viewpoints, pls - DH is so frustrated

[Anonymous]

My husband is in charge of packing kids' lunches. He makes nice ones - a thermos full of pasta or a good, healthy sandwich w/ rotisserie chicken, or a quesadilla - yummy, healthy options. He also usually packs a snack like a go-gurt or go-go-squeeze or goldfish or pretzels, as well as a fruit or vegetable every day. No dessert.

Our 6 year old 1st grader comes home pretty often with almost nothing eaten. Literally almost nothing is touched in his lunch. Today he ate a cereal bar and had everything else still untouched in his bag. He said he doesn't have time to eat, but we've noticed that when he gets a PB&J, he always eats it with no drama or time complaints.

DH is so exasperated and angry at the waste of time and money and food. He and I can't agree what to try now.

I say: This shouldn't be a big deal. If he wants PB&J, just give him a PB&J every day. Who cares. That's what I ate every day growing up and I turned out ok. Let's not make food a big stressful thing.
DH says: Not going to give him a PB&J daily. In fact, he's not going to give him much lunch anymore - maybe just a cereal bar or a piece of fruit. He can eat when he gets home. The days of wasted lunch are over.

Please help us and weigh in. Both of us disagree with the other person. I know this is so silly but it's a daily battle so it's driving DH insane. I think we need some new outside opinions.

[Anonymous]

Give him PB&J.

Why make this harder than it has to be?

I have an 8th grader who has eaten the exact same thing everyday since pre-k. Once I switched out his banana for grapes and he still remembers. So easy to pack his lunch!

[Anonymous]

What does the kid say?

[Anonymous]

First off, it's truly possible that he doesn't have time for lunch. Some schools are squuuueeezing this time so tight, and kids don't want to miss free-play recess so they just wiggle for three minutes and then run outside to get 20 mins of playtime.

Second, I agree: Just make the same damn thing every day. If PB&J is what he eats, then PB&J is what he gets. To respond by saying "If you don't eat all my innovative lunches then you get nothing" isn't really solving the problem of him not eating, right?

PB&J.

[Anonymous]

Pack him what he wants. Or give him a few choices/boundaries and put him in charge of packing his own lunch. You cannot win a food fight with a child, especially if you are not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does the kid say?

The problem is that he's the world's most agreeable child. So every day he says "yes, daddy, I totally want mac & cheese today, I promise I will eat it"...and then he brings it back home with him. But he always eats the PB&J!

I do think the time thing is a major issue. They get like 25 minutes to eat and this kid moves slowly. He also may or may not be talking off the ear of every one of his tablemates.

I am glad to hear that others feel like I do - but I'm open to other viewpoints, too! Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Seriously, is your DH short on fights to fight? Probably half the issue is just a power struggle. If you start packing a PB&J daily, odds are your son will get bored and ask for something new before long. They DO do these things just to drive you crazy when they see the effect it has. I don't know why, they just do.

My husband often needs to remind me which fights to fight and which to chill out on... Because you can't fight them all. I'll add that we've made a huge effort to stop nagging DD so much on her eating (she's also in 1st grade) and have noticed a huge improvement. She's much more willing to try new things now that we've given up fighting about it. P

[Anonymous]

Your husband is engaged in a power struggle with a kid that he cannot win, and that's always a failing proposition for a parent. He cannot force your son to eat the lunches he packs, he doesn't have that kind of control, and to respond with a temper tantrum that he just won't pack lunch at all is ridiculous and childish. If he doesn't want to pack PB&J every day (which would be my solution), he could try sitting down with your son and brainstorming a list of two or three lunch options that your son agrees he will eat. Kid gets the variety dad wants, and hopefully there isn't so much wasted food to make dad crazy.

[Anonymous]

My son gets a PB sandwich every day. If I packed him anything else, he would not eat it. I'd rather he eat the same thing everyday, than be hungry and unable to do his best because of the hunger.

[Anonymous]

So far, I'd say this is the first time I've seen unanimous opinions on DCUM!!! A world record.

[Anonymous]

Ask your husband why it's OK to send just a cereal bar and a piece of fruit, but it isn't OK to send a peanut butter sandwich?

What is so special about the cereal bar, that the kid doesn't want versus the sandwich that he does want?

[Anonymous]

My kid ate a pb&j for 3 years straight, and has only now spread his wings a bit to turkey and cheese. no big deal, he can get a healthy variety at dinner when he has more time to eat.

[Anonymous]

One of you should go in and volunteer in lunch one day. Even the 25min is not a true 25min. Teachers are late all the time, kids need to find their lunch box and the aides make them clean up 5-7min ahead of time so they make it out to recess. It is really sad how quickly and forced lunch is. If he can't open something, you have to raise your hand until someone comes over. ugh!! If you think the bag lunch kids have it bad, you should see the pizza line on Friday. I have seen kids get their lunch after waiting 18min in line and have 3min to scarf down a few bites and throw the rest away.

You are lucky he brings the food home. I watch TONS of kids dump their bento boxes, containers, all food. It is a shame. Anyway, maybe if DH sees the limited time, he will be more inclined to give in on this. And honestly, if you get whole wheat bread, natural PB and low sugar jelly - it is pretty darn healthy. That said, if he wants other things maybe he just isn't getting a change.

If you want to pack that mac n cheese, make sure the thermos is not too tight (have him practice) and the pack carrots. Nothing else. See what he comes home with. DH might be packing too many options and he is picking the quickest to scarf down. This go-gurts are HARD to open so he may just give up. I always do 3 things in one container - nothing more. If I do a thermos of leftovers or soup, then either a fruit OR veggie in a baggie. Thats it.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

I'd say send the PB&J everyday before your school bans them. THEN your DH can have something to fight about. Why is he insistant on a power struggle with a 6 year old? He's acting like the child, IMO

[Anonymous]

^^^Just isn't getting a chance (not change)

By the way, if DH does keep the power struggle up, your kid will start throwing all the food away and saying he ate. Keep the open communication and work with the kid, not against him.