Long-term unemployment; Mild case of affluenza/Keeping up with the Jonses-itis

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you and your wife can turn this around:

1) Stop talking about and comparing yourselves to others. That way lies nothing but constant dissatisfaction and finger pointing about who's at fault here.

2) The two of you need to find a quiet time and place to sit down and really talk about the situation and come up with a plan you can both support. Maybe the plan is for you to find part-time work and go back to school for 18 mos to retrain? Maybe during that time she agrees to live off savings and to put off discussion of having a baby? Whatever. The point is to find common ground here.

3) Once you have a plan, then it's up to you to demonstrate to your wife that you are committed to her and to making things work. That may mean taking jobs that are subpar to show her you are hungry and hard-working. The point is that she'll likely stop the complaints and comparisons to more affluent couples if she sees how hard you're trying. She needs to feel that you have her back and won't let her down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wow. You're awfully hostile and judgmental about someone you don't know from Eve. Is this triggering for you? From which of your parents did you inherit this nasty attitude?

- poster with checkered past, happily married, well adjusted

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. People actually win the lottery sometimes. Just because you are an exception to the rule doesn't mean its wise to be procreating with people from troubled backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wow. You're awfully hostile and judgmental about someone you don't know from Eve. Is this triggering for you? From which of your parents did you inherit this nasty attitude?

- poster with checkered past, happily married, well adjusted

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. People actually win the lottery sometimes. Just because you are an exception to the rule doesn't mean its wise to be procreating with people from troubled backgrounds.

Your previous posts indicated that anyone who has "a checkered past", whatever that actually means (and I suspect an expanding definition from you), is beyond hope.

Is your suggestion that people "from troubled backgrounds" should just procreate with each other? Keep the flaws out of your pristine gene pool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but you need to get a job. Focus on that, she is understandably stressed and annoyed with you.

+1 Anything is better than nothing. If you have time to complain, you have time to look for a job.

[Anonymous]

This is so strange. You need to get a job. Period. Anything. Don't screw around with even vocational training, unless it doesn't interfere with your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wow. You're awfully hostile and judgmental about someone you don't know from Eve. Is this triggering for you? From which of your parents did you inherit this nasty attitude?

- poster with checkered past, happily married, well adjusted

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. People actually win the lottery sometimes. Just because you are an exception to the rule doesn't mean its wise to be procreating with people from troubled backgrounds.

You think being out of work for years isn't "troubled present"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A checkered past because her father was a deadbeat? That's one of the most ridiculous and sexist things I've ever heard. Yes she sounds like she might have gotten caught up in the DC tendency to compare lifestyles, but that can be addressed.

My dad was a deadbeat and we haven't spoken in years. Guess my past is checkered too. Never mind that I'm a functional adult with several degrees, a good job, a strong marriage, and an adorable child. Kids shouldn't be punished or judged for the sins of their parents. Yes maybe those of us from broken homes may have some extra things to work through, but we can overcome it. I will just add that growing up without a dad was really sad and jerks like you don't need to make us feel less than.

Yeah, you forgot the part that included her parents (nasty divorce; mom remarried a drunk)being fucking nuts and putting his wife through 18 years of emotional abuse. Major red flags.

I'd pump and dump a woman like that, but I'd NEVER procreate with her. And I don't give a shit about your lovey dovey "Kids shouldn't be punished or judged for the sins of their parents." Too fucking bad, I do and they deserve it. Past heredity performance is a great indicator of future results.

Pull your head out of your ass.

What a fucking imbecile you are. 'Pump and dump?' What are you, still in your gay fraternity?

OP, posters are being harsh with you. Yes, obviously getting a job is good but your frustration with her is also understandable. She really needs to stop comparing your lives with others'.

[Anonymous]

See what other people your age are doing isn't, completely useless, it can give a sense of what people in similar situations are capable to achieving, which is helpful both to the person whose goals are too lofty and those whose goals are too meager. Either way, though, it's only a data point you can use as a part of setting your own goals for yourself. Do you guys have goals? Not just general, "We eventually want to have a baby and save for college and retirement," but more of the, "This is where would like to be in five years, and here's our plan for getting there" variety.

That said, if I were in her shoes, I would be feeling very anxious about this situation as well. She's married to someone who's been underemployed for a year, and who now wants to just quit working and pursue more education rather than getting a job and working on the education on the side. I'd be worried about what happens in two years when you've gotten the new degree/certification/whatever and the perfect job still doesn't arrive - would you accept whatever you could get, or would you hold out for the job that had the salary you thought you should get, or want to get retrained again? Right now it's not clear you have the track record of hard work that she can rely upon to know you're committed to working hard and making your family a priority in your job calculus.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a bit random as I know your thread died a while ago but you popped into my head...I'm a physician in a local hospital system and I was watching all the ancillary staff the other day...techs, nurses, device reps, ultrasound techs. Many of them are men, salaried, and were able to secure their job through a not-too-long (a few years maybe?) training program. These folks have a pretty good lifestyle and make a decent salary; this is a good longer term option for someone looking to get on a career path.

Of course, you'd need to figure out how to work and bring in some income while you studied, but it's just a thought; the medtronic rep who came in to interrogate one of my patient's pacemakers was an incredibly smart guy who really knew his stuff. I asked him how much debt he had from his training program: zero. (I have 6 figures of debt, fyi). Just a thought.

Obvs this doesn't solve the short term issues; I do hope things work out for you and DW at home.

[Anonymous]

My brother now 31 lost his job 2.5 yrs ago and is still looking living at home with parents and holding out for the right job. Please get any job. Call centre, whatever. And then another pt job. And then on the weekends or other time off look for a job, and make a plan. DO go back or school. Your wife will feel relieved If you have a plan. I would want my DH to go back for vocational training. You are young, and that's on your side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is a bit random as I know your thread died a while ago but you popped into my head...I'm a physician in a local hospital system and I was watching all the ancillary staff the other day...techs, nurses, device reps, ultrasound techs. Many of them are men, salaried, and were able to secure their job through a not-too-long (a few years maybe?) training program. These folks have a pretty good lifestyle and make a decent salary; this is a good longer term option for someone looking to get on a career path.

Of course, you'd need to figure out how to work and bring in some income while you studied, but it's just a thought; the medtronic rep who came in to interrogate one of my patient's pacemakers was an incredibly smart guy who really knew his stuff. I asked him how much debt he had from his training program: zero. (I have 6 figures of debt, fyi). Just a thought.

Obvs this doesn't solve the short term issues; I do hope things work out for you and DW at home.

Hopefully he solved his issue by divorcing his wife before she ruins his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but you need to get a job. Focus on that, she is understandably stressed and annoyed with you.

+1

And be grateful your wife has been able and willing to support you. Plenty of spouses would have done more than complain.

[Anonymous]

Oh, so this again, huh? Let's see here:

* Woman who treats DH like an ATM, nothing more than a wallet to achieve her dreams of kids, house and white picket fence in desirable neighborhood.
* Woman from sketchy background with daddy issues.
* Woman with toxic extended family.
* Woman who shames her husband as he goes through employment challenges.

The worst thing this guy can do is procreate with this woman. She is ruining your life, OP. Can't you see that? She's a cold, demanding, slavedriving bitch. There are tens of thousands of single, attractive women out there. Why would you cement yourself to this woman for another 18 years? Divorce her, get your life together and start over.

You think it's bad now? It's only going to get worse.