Long-term unemployment; Mild case of affluenza/Keeping up with the Jonses-itis

[Anonymous]

I think you should do then nursing idea or find a physicians assistance program.

Don't get your wife pregnant!

[Anonymous]

If there is one thing that I have learned from DCUM, it is that deep-down, despite all the feminist progress, women are still largely money-grubbing hoes who judge men mostly by their income.

OP, if you don't like being judged for not having a job, then go gay and marry an old sugar daddy. That's just the way it goes with women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is one thing that I have learned from DCUM, it is that deep-down, despite all the feminist progress, women are still largely money-grubbing hoes who judge men mostly by their income.

OP, if you don't like being judged for not having a job, then go gay and marry an old sugar daddy. That's just the way it goes with women.

Ok whatever you say misogynistic POC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is one thing that I have learned from DCUM, it is that deep-down, despite all the feminist progress, women are still largely money-grubbing hoes who judge men mostly by their income.

OP, if you don't like being judged for not having a job, then go gay and marry an old sugar daddy. That's just the way it goes with women.

Ok whatever you say misogynistic POC.

Oh, please. If you are male, and you can't get a decent job, you may as well go jump off a bridge, as far as women are concerned.

[Anonymous]

Going back to school should only be an option you're considering if your wife thinks it's worthwhile and would happy to be the primary breadwinner while you get your new degree. It's not about being a "man" or whatever. It's that being the sole breadwinner can be a lot of stress, even more so when your dependent spouse is not available to take on childcare and homemaking tasks, like a more typical SAHP, because he's busy with school instead. It really changes the dynamics of the family for there to be one spouse earning and the other not. It should be a mutual decision how to proceed from here - whether you spend family income (her salary presumably) on nursing school tuition or if you just go for whatever job you can find, regardless of the field.

[Anonymous]

If your unemployment is preventing you and your wife from getting pregnant, then maybe that's why she's unhappy with you. Wanting a baby and not being able to have one can be really hard, especially if one's partner doesn't share the urgency. The comments about how others are doing are just her feelings leaking out in funny ways. They indicate that you and she have a real problem and need to talk it out. Stop shaming her for wanting to do better than just breaking even. You guys are bickering about fish and other people because you don't want to talk real talk about your own lives. Sit down and have a real talk with her about the baby. Don't just shrug your shoulders and say "oh, how inopportune" if having a baby soon is really important to her. Your failure to find a job is holding her (and you) back from some of life's greatest joys. Of course, there is no guarantee of fertility, and time is ticking by. Don't waste your fertile years.

Reality check: your late 20s and early 30s are prime earning years. You are supposed to be laying your career and financial foundation. Building up a nest egg and getting ready for all the expenses of raising children. Not just breaking even. I know you will say babies don't cost much, but you need to be realistic. It will approach $2000 a month-- daycare, health insurance, and diapers just for starters. You might have a special needs child that comes with a lot of expenses or requires one of you to not work.

You will not be 30 forever. You need to grow up and find a job, and face up to the financial realities of life. Even with a very modest standard of living, it takes a surprising amount of money to raise children and save for college and retirement. Do the math, you will be amazed.

[Anonymous]

Why would you take time out to re-train? Get a job and study at night; there are many programs you can do online. Either that or let her complain, and just get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your unemployment is preventing you and your wife from getting pregnant, then maybe that's why she's unhappy with you. Wanting a baby and not being able to have one can be really hard, especially if one's partner doesn't share the urgency. The comments about how others are doing are just her feelings leaking out in funny ways. They indicate that you and she have a real problem and need to talk it out. Stop shaming her for wanting to do better than just breaking even. You guys are bickering about fish and other people because you don't want to talk real talk about your own lives. Sit down and have a real talk with her about the baby. Don't just shrug your shoulders and say "oh, how inopportune" if having a baby soon is really important to her. Your failure to find a job is holding her (and you) back from some of life's greatest joys. Of course, there is no guarantee of fertility, and time is ticking by. Don't waste your fertile years.

Reality check: your late 20s and early 30s are prime earning years. You are supposed to be laying your career and financial foundation. Building up a nest egg and getting ready for all the expenses of raising children. Not just breaking even. I know you will say babies don't cost much, but you need to be realistic. It will approach $2000 a month-- daycare, health insurance, and diapers just for starters. You might have a special needs child that comes with a lot of expenses or requires one of you to not work.

You will not be 30 forever. You need to grow up and find a job, and face up to the financial realities of life. Even with a very modest standard of living, it takes a surprising amount of money to raise children and save for college and retirement. Do the math, you will be amazed.

He is the one being shamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (husband age 30) was laid off from my salaried professional job a year ago. I did a commission-only sales job in the interim and made a bit of money, but didn't have the network to sell enough to make a living. Wife is a white-collar professional. Unemployment has long since run out. The reality is I'll need to retrain into a more marketable field, which may require about 2 years of part-time schooling. I made the mistake of not looking for part-time work and instead focused on trying to find a new job at my former salary (not an extravagant one by any means).

The issue:
Wife is understandably stressed about my employment (or lack thereof) situation. She had a deadbeat dad who refused to pay alimony or child support, leaving them at the edge of poverty for a few years. What is really bugging me is that she compares our situation to peers who appear to be doing better than us, but are not. They have parents who foot their bills, made exceedingly poor financial decisions and are in a metric shit-ton of debt, or are in high-paying STEM careers. I've pointed out to her people I know who are similar to us in age, education, life situation, and show analytically (she is a numbers-driven person) that we're pretty much on par with them. Yet I still get comments like "they can afford fresh fish" (which I don't think is expensive) or "their parents are rich" (they're middle class people who built a business from scratch), or "not being dead broke is the only thing I wish for".

I'm getting fed up with the fatalism, envy, and poor-mouthing. Our situation needs to be fixed immediately, but we're far from being out on the street. Any analysis or advice?

OP- I am in a similar situation as you, except I am the wife who can't find a full time job in my field, and I have a husband who makes me feel like crap about it all the time. We have a child that I've been watching full time, and another on the way. Yet he acts like that means nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women can stay at home. Men can't. Go get a job otherwise your value as a male human being is questionable.

Wow, fuck you.

With that out of the way, I'll say that you're right that comparison to others can sap the joy out of even a good situation. But, you married an envious wife. Don't compare your situation to that of a guy who didn't marry such a woman.

Just another reason to never get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might have aspirations of staying home with kids and may not see that as possible at the moment, due to you not having a job.

Oh so that's what this is all about! IT'S MY GOD DAMN BIRTHRIGHT TO STAY AND HOME AND NOT WORK!

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP--Red Flag #1 as to why you shouldn't have married this woman: DADDY ISSUES. Dead beat dad is a HUGE, HUGE red flag.

Can they get anymore obvious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is one thing that I have learned from DCUM, it is that deep-down, despite all the feminist progress, women are still largely money-grubbing hoes who judge men mostly by their income.

OP, if you don't like being judged for not having a job, then go gay and marry an old sugar daddy. That's just the way it goes with women.

Wrong in so many ways. An unemployed female with a master's recently posted something similar about her debt, and EVERYONE told her to get a damn job and stop trying to live the Joneses. EVERYONE. Male/female, whatever. Unless one spouse is making big bucks, this is a two-income area, period. If there's no mutual agreement re: SAH parenting or similar, that's just sitting around. Ain't no one got money or patience for that. OP's wife is anxious and worried she's stuck with an undermotivated house husband who's making excuses and taking his sweet time mulling his options. Maybe partly true, maybe not, but her stressful upbringing and desire to start a family make her perspective very understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The negativity is a very touchy subject. Her parents (nasty divorce; mom remarried a drunk) are nucking futz, and what they put her through I would consider to be emotional abuse for 18 years. I think that at least talking to a counselor would be helpful, but her take is "talking about it isn't going to fix the past, so what's the point". She's very adventuresome (we went off-roading and rock climbing for our honeymoon), but when it comes to family and domestic stuff, it's a minefield. Obviously getting some more income coming in would be priority one though.

Guy here--

You are fucking insane if you really want to have a child with this woman. What a disaster, I wouldn't put up with this woman's shit for a split fucking second and you want to procreate this woman.

You need to eject from this marriage and take control of your own life because this woman (through your help) is going to destroy it.

[Anonymous]

Yes eject yourself from the marriage. Hell she pays all of the bills. No way I'd procreate with a long term unemployed man or woman. You are an adult, contribute to the household.