DD doesn't want to be in family portrait

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the more depressing things I've read on here. You agree your daughter is not as beautiful as her siblings, and you've let HER KNOW for her entire life that you know this to be true with every little interaction you've had. The ground work has been laid for 12 years. You've set her up for a lifetime of horrid self esteem. Perhaps a family counselor could help un-do some of this, but I'm doubtful. Your poor daughter. She's needed a mother who thought she was just as beautiful as her sister no matter what. Instead she got one who discusses when she can get plastic surgery with her.

Disgusting.

I'm a former ugly child. Troll nose, unibrow with cowlicks + buck teeth. Troll nose partially due to genetics, partly brought on by early childhood ENT issues.

My mom threw me under the bus just as is being done with OP's child. By age 4 I knew I looked "unusual" and by first grade, I knew I was "ugly." Other girls did not want to play with me. Boys were more forgiving; at least I could run fast and catch a ball. A few boys teased me over the years but some, especially the nerdy ones, were genuinely nice and friendly. Girls were generally meaner. I just assumed no one would play with me so I often went off on my own. So not only was I ugly, but also "aloof" and "anti-social." My mom apparently thought that the problem was me. It didn't matter what she said, but what she did mattered. I was beautiful "just the way I was" but mom was all too eager to take me to the plastic surgeon's office!

I got braces in seventh grade, learned to shape my eyebrows, and got plastic surgery on my nose just before entering high school - but the damage was done. I've never gotten over it. I don't make friends with women easily - in college I mostly hung out with geeky guys. I don't know what it's like to feel normal.

I'm still glad I got the braces and plastic surgery because I doubt I would have been able to have a normal life without it. A lot of people who disparage plastic surgery do not know what it's like to be so different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the more depressing things I've read on here. You agree your daughter is not as beautiful as her siblings, and you've let HER KNOW for her entire life that you know this to be true with every little interaction you've had. The ground work has been laid for 12 years. You've set her up for a lifetime of horrid self esteem. Perhaps a family counselor could help un-do some of this, but I'm doubtful. Your poor daughter. She's needed a mother who thought she was just as beautiful as her sister no matter what. Instead she got one who discusses when she can get plastic surgery with her.

Disgusting.

I'm a former ugly child. Troll nose, unibrow with cowlicks + buck teeth. Troll nose partially due to genetics, partly brought on by early childhood ENT issues.

My mom threw me under the bus just as is being done with OP's child. By age 4 I knew I looked "unusual" and by first grade, I knew I was "ugly." Other girls did not want to play with me. Boys were more forgiving; at least I could run fast and catch a ball. A few boys teased me over the years but some, especially the nerdy ones, were genuinely nice and friendly. Girls were generally meaner. I just assumed no one would play with me so I often went off on my own. So not only was I ugly, but also "aloof" and "anti-social." My mom apparently thought that the problem was me. It didn't matter what she said, but what she did mattered. I was beautiful "just the way I was" but mom was all too eager to take me to the plastic surgeon's office!

I got braces in seventh grade, learned to shape my eyebrows, and got plastic surgery on my nose just before entering high school - but the damage was done. I've never gotten over it. I don't make friends with women easily - in college I mostly hung out with geeky guys. I don't know what it's like to feel normal.

I'm still glad I got the braces and plastic surgery because I doubt I would have been able to have a normal life without it. A lot of people who disparage plastic surgery do not know what it's like to be so different.

And yet, I know a family through my parish whose adopted daughter has some fairly serious facial deformities due to birth defects. I doubt her grandma thinks she ruins the family portraits every year.

[Anonymous]

You have to tell us now, OP.

Is this child of yours ugly? Are we talking something like what PP said below?

Respect your daughter's feelings above your MIL's and SHOW our DD you are standing up for her.
Otherwise you're creating a lot of resentment down the road.

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a former ugly child. Troll nose, unibrow with cowlicks + buck teeth. Troll nose partially due to genetics, partly brought on by early childhood ENT issues.

My mom threw me under the bus just as is being done with OP's child. By age 4 I knew I looked "unusual" and by first grade, I knew I was "ugly." Other girls did not want to play with me. Boys were more forgiving; at least I could run fast and catch a ball. A few boys teased me over the years but some, especially the nerdy ones, were genuinely nice and friendly. Girls were generally meaner. I just assumed no one would play with me so I often went off on my own. So not only was I ugly, but also "aloof" and "anti-social." My mom apparently thought that the problem was me. It didn't matter what she said, but what she did mattered. I was beautiful "just the way I was" but mom was all too eager to take me to the plastic surgeon's office!

I got braces in seventh grade, learned to shape my eyebrows, and got plastic surgery on my nose just before entering high school - but the damage was done. I've never gotten over it. I don't make friends with women easily - in college I mostly hung out with geeky guys. I don't know what it's like to feel normal.

I'm still glad I got the braces and plastic surgery because I doubt I would have been able to have a normal life without it. A lot of people who disparage plastic surgery do not know what it's like to be so different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the more depressing things I've read on here. You agree your daughter is not as beautiful as her siblings, and you've let HER KNOW for her entire life that you know this to be true with every little interaction you've had. The ground work has been laid for 12 years. You've set her up for a lifetime of horrid self esteem. Perhaps a family counselor could help un-do some of this, but I'm doubtful. Your poor daughter. She's needed a mother who thought she was just as beautiful as her sister no matter what. Instead she got one who discusses when she can get plastic surgery with her.

Disgusting.

I'm a former ugly child. Troll nose, unibrow with cowlicks + buck teeth. Troll nose partially due to genetics, partly brought on by early childhood ENT issues.

My mom threw me under the bus just as is being done with OP's child. By age 4 I knew I looked "unusual" and by first grade, I knew I was "ugly." Other girls did not want to play with me. Boys were more forgiving; at least I could run fast and catch a ball. A few boys teased me over the years but some, especially the nerdy ones, were genuinely nice and friendly. Girls were generally meaner. I just assumed no one would play with me so I often went off on my own. So not only was I ugly, but also "aloof" and "anti-social." My mom apparently thought that the problem was me. It didn't matter what she said, but what she did mattered. I was beautiful "just the way I was" but mom was all too eager to take me to the plastic surgeon's office!

I got braces in seventh grade, learned to shape my eyebrows, and got plastic surgery on my nose just before entering high school - but the damage was done. I've never gotten over it. I don't make friends with women easily - in college I mostly hung out with geeky guys. I don't know what it's like to feel normal.

I'm still glad I got the braces and plastic surgery because I doubt I would have been able to have a normal life without it. A lot of people who disparage plastic surgery do not know what it's like to be so different.

The damage is done.

I was also an ugly child. I suddenly blossomed at 17 and by 18 I was described at "startlingly beautiful." I became a model but self destructed at every turn: anorexia, promiscuity, insecurity, depression, few women friends. I'm much better now but I still sometimes see myself the way my mother did when she told me not to smile because I would ruin the pictures. I'm 40 years old and secretly I still want surgery to fix the things she told me were wrong with my face even though nobody else can see my supposed defects. This child needs therapy now because her self-esteem is already severely compromised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trollicious. Valiant effort.

plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trollicious. Valiant effort.

Right! It is so obvious! I cannot believe some people felt for it…lol "our other 2 children are traditionally gorgeous…" The parents who whisper "what happened there?" etc etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trollicious. Valiant effort.

Right! It is so obvious! I cannot believe some people felt for it…lol "our other 2 children are traditionally gorgeous…" The parents who whisper "what happened there?" etc etc

Gosh. I'm the ugly PP. If I fell for it, it's because it's all too similar to what my childhood was like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trollicious. Valiant effort.

Right! It is so obvious! I cannot believe some people felt for it…lol "our other 2 children are traditionally gorgeous…" The parents who whisper "what happened there?" etc etc

Gosh. I'm the ugly PP. If I fell for it, it's because it's all too similar to what my childhood was like.

There's no proof the OP is a troll. I can very well relate to the issue, as I have been fat starting from age 4, and my own grandmother from hell harped on my weight and what a disgrace to the family I was, day in and day out, to her dying day.

[Anonymous]

You should be ashamed of yourself for not standing up for your daughter these past 12 years. Pull your whole immediate family from the photo shoot to stand in solidarity with your daughter. What kind of message are you sending if you allow her to be the only one who is excluded?

oh and tell your mil that you will not entertain any conversations with her where dd's looks are discussed.

[Anonymous]

We have beautiful daughters also. We do not let random strangers praise their looks. I hate the way they think they should talk to my DDS about their beauty. They are only children -- get away! As for OPs MIL, wow, you need help.

[Anonymous]

I have one DD who is extremely photogenic. She is always being photographed at school and so one. She looks stunning in pictures. But in person, she doesn't look that good (pretty but not gorgeous) The camera loves her somehow. Odd. But OP, you have problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the more depressing things I've read on here. You agree your daughter is not as beautiful as her siblings, and you've let HER KNOW for her entire life that you know this to be true with every little interaction you've had. The ground work has been laid for 12 years. You've set her up for a lifetime of horrid self esteem. Perhaps a family counselor could help un-do some of this, but I'm doubtful. Your poor daughter. She's needed a mother who thought she was just as beautiful as her sister no matter what. Instead she got one who discusses when she can get plastic surgery with her.

Disgusting.

I'm a former ugly child. Troll nose, unibrow with cowlicks + buck teeth. Troll nose partially due to genetics, partly brought on by early childhood ENT issues.

My mom threw me under the bus just as is being done with OP's child. By age 4 I knew I looked "unusual" and by first grade, I knew I was "ugly." Other girls did not want to play with me. Boys were more forgiving; at least I could run fast and catch a ball. A few boys teased me over the years but some, especially the nerdy ones, were genuinely nice and friendly. Girls were generally meaner. I just assumed no one would play with me so I often went off on my own. So not only was I ugly, but also "aloof" and "anti-social." My mom apparently thought that the problem was me. It didn't matter what she said, but what she did mattered. I was beautiful "just the way I was" but mom was all too eager to take me to the plastic surgeon's office!

I got braces in seventh grade, learned to shape my eyebrows, and got plastic surgery on my nose just before entering high school - but the damage was done. I've never gotten over it. I don't make friends with women easily - in college I mostly hung out with geeky guys. I don't know what it's like to feel normal.

I'm still glad I got the braces and plastic surgery because I doubt I would have been able to have a normal life without it. A lot of people who disparage plastic surgery do not know what it's like to be so different.

Same here! Ugly teeth, runny nose, glasses, unibrow, mustache (love it!) moles on face. Braces, contacts, mole removal, hair removal. I became a beautiful girl at 16, but I never believed it. I also never understood that people were nice to me because I looked good. I also have great hair and grew into a nice figure. Never did "get it" until many many years later.

[Anonymous]

what on earth?? does your child have a physical defect? Otherwise, I just don't get it! how could she possibly know from the age of three that she is unattractive? I mean what exactly are we talking about here??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what on earth?? does your child have a physical defect? Otherwise, I just don't get it! how could she possibly know from the age of three that she is unattractive? I mean what exactly are we talking about here??

Cleft palate? Large birthmark? I'm not kidding. I can't imagine a disfigurement that jumps out so much that adults are whispering behind this child's back.

OP, what is it? Big nose? Unibrow?

[Anonymous]

I wonder if this was how Solange felt growing up with Beyoncé as her sister?