DD doesn't want to be in family portrait

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you put your child through this? I would take her out for ice cream during the portrait. I would plan a special day with her. I would do anything but put her through an experience calculated to hurt her feelings. Step up, Mama Bear.

Agree. How could you let the MIL get away with that crap???

[Anonymous]

Why would her lack of photogenicness have anything to do with her friendships or lack of invitations to bday parties? This is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Unless your daughter grew up looking like Gimli the dwarf rom the Hobbit movies, beard included, there is no way that your neighbors, classmates parents, etc are acting that way.

MIL I might buy it.

Your behavior? Maybe. There are some very vain moms out there who put a lot of emphasis on looks.

But what you are saying about all the other people, friends and strangers alike? No way.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

There's a huge difference between unphotogenic and unattractive. I'm attractive (or at least I'm generally told that), but not photogenic. Both of my children are attractive but only one is consistently photogenic. I have never considered plastic surgery for myself or my less photogenic child for the sake of better photos. Nor would I consider a family portrait ruined because of an unattractive family member.
If your DC has a genuine facial deformity, I could see her being upset all on her own. However, your child was taught that she was unattractive. What is ruining the portrait is the unhappiness and self-loathing radiating from the child and the judgement and shallowness emanating from the other family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll

I don't think this one is a troll. Rotten situation, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We wouldn't go on the vacation. End. Of. Story.

And you probably would've stopped after the first year the grandmother demanded it. Why? Because you value your child's self esteem more than how she looks and would protect her from emotional a users.

I agree wit this. I don't think it's a good enough solution to just let her skip the photo shoot and have her do another activity instead. That sends the message that she indeed is not attractive enough to be in the photo, which just could not possibly be the case. I would talk to MIL privately and say drop the photo shoot completely or we won't be coming on the vacation.

[Anonymous]

I don't buy that OP is so vain and/or short-sited that she would buy into the notion that the world only embraces her attractive children and she should follow suit. No person with an iota of a nurturing instinct would subject her daughter to a lifetime of this. No way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why hasn't your husband told his mother to stfu. I would refuse to go to the reunion of allow any of my kids there. I would have no contact with MIL. You can see other family members at different times. What kind of mother would tell her son and his wife that their 12 yr old kid is ugly and needs plastic surgery. Your family needs to opt out. You need to get therapy for your DD and probably therapy for you and your husband too to figure out how you can help DD and why you allowed a woman to attack DD for her whole life.

He has told her to stop, as have his sister and BILs. She has some weird hangup about pictures - she never mentions DD's looks in any context except this one. She includes DD in any activities that involve all the other girl cousins and never says a word about her looks then. It's only around the yearly family portrait.
We have talked about not going. However, it is the only time we get to see many of the family members (some of whom are in different countries) but more importantly DD wants to go. She has a fantastic week except for this three hour block of time. We've floated the idea of going on a different trip with just our immediate family by DD who always insists she wants to go. This is why we're stuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We wouldn't go on the vacation. End. Of. Story.

And you probably would've stopped after the first year the grandmother demanded it. Why? Because you value your child's self esteem more than how she looks and would protect her from emotional a users.

Amen. This post is unbelievable - I hope it's not real, for the poor DD's sake. My MIL (or mother, relative or anyone for that matter) would never be allowed to make my daughter feel this way. And to do it again and again, year after year? Your poor child. I would have nipped this in the bud years ago.

[Anonymous]

Ugly former child here. Tell your daughter she is pretty, even if it is a lie. Tell the strangers that point out her other siblings are more attractive that you think DD is quite beautiful. Let her skip the family portrait this year.

[Anonymous]

I would call up mother in law and tell her you are not coming if DD has to be in the portrait. Let her be upset about it, but make sure all the drama stays between the adults and occurs prior to your trip. Explain that this is for her mental health, you are not waivering or discussing the matter further, know she is disappointed, but that it has already been decided.

Talk to your daughter about it, tell her your take her concerns very seriously and thus she can sit out the picture this year, but that you feel horrible that she feels so badly about herself when you know how awesome she is. Tell her that for that reason, you're going to find someone she can talk to about the way she is feeling. Then find her a therapist, and strongly consider family thearapy. It is horrible that she feels so badly about herself, and unwittingly or not, it seems like your family dynamic has contributed to those feelings. Also emphasize that this is a hard decision for you to make, because your family loves her so much, she's such a part of the group, and you hate to see her left out of the picture -- but that you're listening to her and going to fix this together.

[Anonymous]

Def a troll. I mean damn, how ugly is she!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless your daughter grew up looking like Gimli the dwarf rom the Hobbit movies, beard included, there is no way that your neighbors, classmates parents, etc are acting that way.

MIL I might buy it.

Your behavior? Maybe. There are some very vain moms out there who put a lot of emphasis on looks.

But what you are saying about all the other people, friends and strangers alike? No way.

I agree. There is no way I can imagine any parents of the kids in our school talking about another child's looks as the OP has described. No way.

[Anonymous]

What type of plastic surgery are we talking about here? A nose job? I don't get it.