If you had a parent that had an affair....

[Anonymous]

My father had multiple. I didn't know about it until they were divorced in my teens and even then, not until after. It wasn't out and out explained to us, but it was pretty obvious when he had a girlfriend immediately. I refused to meet her. He's on his 3rd marriage and his current wife was actually having an affair with him at the end of her marriage.

As the world turns type stuff, right?

I will say though that it made me acutely aware of what qualities in a man I valued and didn't.

I can recognize my father as flawed for sure, with things about him I don't like, but his love for us never wavered, even if he can be selfish in some ways. I don't try to change him or what he is and love the person I have as a dad, not the person I wish he would be.

[Anonymous]

My father had an affair when I was a young child (5-ish). My parents stayed together for a while, then divorced when I was in middle school. I didn't find out until I was in my 20s.

I have a great relationship with both of my parents, and they have a good relationship also. I guess we're kind of abnormal in that regard. By the time I found out, I could accept that my dad had screwed up, but it was 20 years earlier and he was a different person - it didn't change how I thought of him at that point.

[Anonymous]

My dad has a huge anger issue and about 3 1/2 years ago I found out he had an affair and before this happened we were super close before this happened and now we r fighting evey night and it's going to make my family fall apart last night he slapped me across my face and sence I have braces it made my mouth bleed and he claims "I punched my self in the face" and I am so done with him. HE NEEDS TO STOP OR LEAVE MY HOME! I'm sorry if I got to in detail
Btw im a teen

[Anonymous]

My dad had an affair when I was in college- studying abroad at the time and my sister told me about it over AOL instant messenger. My parents reconciled and to this day, over 15 years later, neither of them has EVER mentioned it to me.

It was hard to be too mad at my dad anyway, as my mom could be (and still is) really difficult to live with. I'm sure at some point they had a loving marriage, but i can't remember it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad has a huge anger issue and about 3 1/2 years ago I found out he had an affair and before this happened we were super close before this happened and now we r fighting evey night and it's going to make my family fall apart last night he slapped me across my face and sence I have braces it made my mouth bleed and he claims "I punched my self in the face" and I am so done with him. HE NEEDS TO STOP OR LEAVE MY HOME! I'm sorry if I got to in detail
Btw im a teen

Lord, if he does it again call the cops. What does your mom say?

[Anonymous]

I was maybe in 7th grade or so and was fumbling around on the computer and somehow found email solicitations/replies my dad had written to people to meet up. They were all located in other cities where he had been on business. I kept a secret for a bit but couldn't take it any longer. My mom had made a wonderful dinner for me and her (dad was out of town) and it word vomited out. She was devastated but stayed with him with lots of counseling. I still feel bad for ruining dinner.

Over the years I'm inclined to think he's still up to his old tricks more or less. Once he was showing me something on his phone when a people finder app notification popped up. And a couple times he's had copy/paste errors over IM where he was trying to copy something like an article link but I got something entirely different and

[Anonymous]

Sorry accidentally hit submit. The thing he would paste would be something that sounded like a female personal ad. I've confronted a few times and he always denied. Never told my mom about these other weird happenings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

Um, you do realize that your Dad is the a-hole here, right. Please tell me you haven't blamed/vilified your mother for this.

My dad has apologized to us again and again. My mother takes no responsibility for her role in how things ended up. To this day, my mother ruins nearly every family occasion by trying to pick a fight with my dad. I glad that at least he got some peace from her when he left. Wish he'd taken us, too. Growing up in the ghetto is hard. Growing up in the ghetto with a depressed, bitter mother is so much worse.

That's because she has *no* responsibility in it. She didn't put a gun to your dad's head and order him to have a parallel secret family. He's the one who made the choice to lie, scheme, conceal, betray. He did not act the way a good man, a good husband, a good dad does. Apologies are very cheap. He should not have let the situation arise in the first place. You need therapy.

NP. And she's the one who chose to emotionally abandon her children who had already lost their intact family because her own broken hear was more important than being a mother. Both parental fails in my book. Dad attempted to make it up to the children. Mom did not because her own broken heart was always more important to her even years later. Can people really not see why she would be inclined to have one close parent instead of none and why it would be the parent who at least tried..

You're entitled to your opinion but please don't try to des guise it as a NP. It's quite obvious you've posted already here.

[Anonymous]

My dad had an affair for a couple of years when I was around 10. He would lie about where he was and make up reasons to leave the house. My mom took me in the car to spy on him late at night. My brother then got sick, and ended up dying. I think the affair ended sometime after that. My mom forgave my dad I guess. They have been married 50+ years. I was so Angry with him for a long time, but held it in for many years. It certainly shaped my attitude about men. I eventually forgave and came to understand the pressures he was under. It's been almost 30 years. He is an old man now. I love him because he is my dad. I don't think he would ever know it, but I have never been able to gain back the level of respect I lost from the affair. It hurt more than he would ever know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

I'm sorry that happened to you. But it really sounds like your dad is the asshole, not your mom.

+1 Save a marriage when the other has a second family?? How would she have done that? Hope the other family goes away?

[Anonymous]

I have suspicions that my dad cheated on my mom when I was 13. I was furious and felt like he was a terrible person. In my late 20's I realized the absolute years of hell my mom put him through. I mean awful shit. He should have divorced her, but she threatened to take us away and that he would never see us again. I now feel bad for him and thought he would have been happier with someone else.

[Anonymous]

poster 18:44, first you say that you resent your mother kicking out your father bc you and your full sibling had to grow up in poverty while father's children from affair had a "cushy" upbringing. then in later posts to defend your father for not paying support you say that your mom made more money than he did. so i'm having trouble reconciling this. i think you have a daddy complex and unfairly take your resentment of the whole situation out on your mother. if you found out your spouse not only had a long term affair, but a whole separate family, could you imagine staying married? I think your mother had a lot of balls and she definitely got the short end of the stick from her ex-spouse (your dad) AND you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:poster 18:44, first you say that you resent your mother kicking out your father bc you and your full sibling had to grow up in poverty while father's children from affair had a "cushy" upbringing. then in later posts to defend your father for not paying support you say that your mom made more money than he did. so i'm having trouble reconciling this. i think you have a daddy complex and unfairly take your resentment of the whole situation out on your mother. if you found out your spouse not only had a long term affair, but a whole separate family, could you imagine staying married? I think your mother had a lot of balls and she definitely got the short end of the stick from her ex-spouse (your dad) AND you.

she would stay no matter what, i'm sure. and her kids would lose respect for her. cycle continues.

[Anonymous]

My mom had an affair with a teacher of mine, don't even get me started! It was a very hard few years. It happened in my senior year and continued for a few years. Everyone eventually found out. The only saving grace was I was away at college.
The school found out and it just exploded from there. My dad ended up forgiving my mom and they are still together almost 40 years later and going strong. But at the time it was devastating.

[Anonymous]

Grandfather and I lost all respect for him.

Made me have trust issues w men. Seriously guarded my heart until I met DH.