If you had a parent that had an affair....

[Anonymous]

did you know about it? How did you find out and what age were you? How did this change your view of that parent?

[Anonymous]

My mom had an affair when I was 4-5, I did not know about it at the time. She ended up marrying the person she had an affair with. Mom never disclosed affair to me but did tell my sibling one time when she was tipsy. I do resent her for it, but the affair was part of a much larger pattern if putting her relationship with my stepdad before her parenting duties.

[Anonymous]

Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

[Anonymous]

Both my parents has affairs over their 20+ year marriage. My father flipped out and divorced my mother after she had an affair. That seemed unfair, given his prior behavior. The affairs don't change my opinion of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

I'm sorry that happened to you. But it really sounds like your dad is the asshole, not your mom.

[Anonymous]

My dad had an affair and it ripped our family apart. My parents stayed together but my mom never really forgave him and threw it in his face (in front of us kids) a lot. It was terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

Um, you do realize that your Dad is the a-hole here, right. Please tell me you haven't blamed/vilified your mother for this.

[Anonymous]

I think PP meant 'loser' as in losing out. Not lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

Um, you do realize that your Dad is the a-hole here, right. Please tell me you haven't blamed/vilified your mother for this.

My dad has apologized to us again and again. My mother takes no responsibility for her role in how things ended up. To this day, my mother ruins nearly every family occasion by trying to pick a fight with my dad. I glad that at least he got some peace from her when he left. Wish he'd taken us, too. Growing up in the ghetto is hard. Growing up in the ghetto with a depressed, bitter mother is so much worse.

[Anonymous]

My father had an affair. I found out probably when I was about 5. It continued until my parents divorced when I was 12.
It certainly colored my view of my father. I did forgive him -- it definitely let me see both of my parents, and all adults, as imperfect, and flawed human beings well before I otherwise would have come to this understanding.
My siblings have never really forgiven him for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

Um, you do realize that your Dad is the a-hole here, right. Please tell me you haven't blamed/vilified your mother for this.

My dad has apologized to us again and again. My mother takes no responsibility for her role in how things ended up. To this day, my mother ruins nearly every family occasion by trying to pick a fight with my dad. I glad that at least he got some peace from her when he left. Wish he'd taken us, too. Growing up in the ghetto is hard. Growing up in the ghetto with a depressed, bitter mother is so much worse.

Blame your dad for having the affair AND not giving you enough money so you didn't have the live in the ghetto. How can a woman save her marriage when he husband has left her for another woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

Um, you do realize that your Dad is the a-hole here, right. Please tell me you haven't blamed/vilified your mother for this.

My dad has apologized to us again and again. My mother takes no responsibility for her role in how things ended up. To this day, my mother ruins nearly every family occasion by trying to pick a fight with my dad. I glad that at least he got some peace from her when he left. Wish he'd taken us, too. Growing up in the ghetto is hard. Growing up in the ghetto with a depressed, bitter mother is so much worse.

Blame your dad for having the affair AND not giving you enough money so you didn't have the live in the ghetto. How can a woman save her marriage when he husband has left her for another woman?

+1. Sorry... that he got caught. He sounds like he was able to con you kids but not your mom.

[Anonymous]

My mom left my dad for her college boyfriend when I was 19. It definitely strained our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

Um, you do realize that your Dad is the a-hole here, right. Please tell me you haven't blamed/vilified your mother for this.

My dad has apologized to us again and again. My mother takes no responsibility for her role in how things ended up. To this day, my mother ruins nearly every family occasion by trying to pick a fight with my dad. I glad that at least he got some peace from her when he left. Wish he'd taken us, too. Growing up in the ghetto is hard. Growing up in the ghetto with a depressed, bitter mother is so much worse.

Blame your dad for having the affair AND not giving you enough money so you didn't have the live in the ghetto. How can a woman save her marriage when he husband has left her for another woman?

He didn't leave voluntarily. He was supporting two separate families until my mom made him leave when she found out. My mom didn't pursue support through the courts and she could have let us go live with my dad. She wanted us to hate our dad. My brother does, so I guess she got half of what she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad had a complete separate family. I learned in 3rd grade. It did taint how I looked at him, but the real loser in my eyes is my mom who flipped out and didn't try to save her marriage. As a result, my full sibling and I grew up in poverty while the halfs got a pretty cushy upbringing AND our dad. My mom also has spent the last three decades trashing my dad and his mistress.

Um, you do realize that your Dad is the a-hole here, right. Please tell me you haven't blamed/vilified your mother for this.

My dad has apologized to us again and again. My mother takes no responsibility for her role in how things ended up. To this day, my mother ruins nearly every family occasion by trying to pick a fight with my dad. I glad that at least he got some peace from her when he left. Wish he'd taken us, too. Growing up in the ghetto is hard. Growing up in the ghetto with a depressed, bitter mother is so much worse.

Blame your dad for having the affair AND not giving you enough money so you didn't have the live in the ghetto. How can a woman save her marriage when he husband has left her for another woman?

Although there are two sides to every story, there's a lot of truth here, OP.