Moms Who Won't Get Their Kids Dx, Won't Get Therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
okay, but this is an extreme. most of the posts here aren't referring to this kind of extreme behavior. we're talking about the broad range of "normal" quirks in children. obviously this child's issues seem to be impeding his ability to function in the world. i don't really think it's an appropriate example if you're trying to defend OP's post. OP seems to have a large group of friends, all with boys who have autistic tendencies, all with parents in denial... something rings false here.

Op here. Yikes, when did I say I have a large group of friends, all boys who have autistic tendencies? That was not what I said.

I have a son. He's in a playgroup. All of the children in his playgroup are boys. We have been with this playgroup since he was so young. He's also in other circles where there are lots of boys such as our neighborhood friends and their kids, his preschool, his other extracurricular classes. I do not work with children but I am around children, and alot of them boys, simply because of my little boy. As a SAHM I have developed a wide circle of friends and acquaintances over my little boy's life to provide a social outlet for him. But because I am discussing boys predominantly in this discussion that does not mean everybody in our social circle are exclusively boys. And just because I mentioned autism as one thing moms could look for doesn't mean autism is exclusively the cause of every quirk witnessed in their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have contributed several tongue-in-cheek posts here, but I will say that when my DS first started preschool, I thought all the other kids had developmental problems or their parents must not be doing a good job as parents. I didn't realize how wild or just plain weird normal preschoolers can be. Now I know better.

And how do you know they are 'normal'? Are you a child psychiatrist or developmental psychologist?

[Anonymous]

if it was not by my very observant pre-school teacher I would never be able to see until I learned to talk and ask my mother to take me to the doctor.

the teacher found out my severe vision problem and told my mom to talk to the doc.

my mom felt so ofended when the teacher pointed my lazy eye she almost looked for another school.
instead, she asked her MIL and grandma said I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THIS GIRL HAS A PROBLEM BUT YOU JUST DON'T LISTEN!

yes, parents have a tendency to deny the child's problems and disabilities but when the parent's don't look for help the child is the one who suffers the most.

no matter if the OP is playing doc, denial is out there and knocking on our doors. OPEN YOUR EYES!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have contributed several tongue-in-cheek posts here, but I will say that when my DS first started preschool, I thought all the other kids had developmental problems or their parents must not be doing a good job as parents. I didn't realize how wild or just plain weird normal preschoolers can be. Now I know better.

And how do you know they are 'normal'? Are you a child psychiatrist or developmental psychologist?

No, but my DS is now a couple of years older and so are the kids who were stuffing their shirts in their mouths or taking their clothes off in class or hitting each other with wooden blocks or biting. They seem pretty normal now.

[Anonymous]

to the woman who posted the lengthy explanation for why her quirky son is not in therapy, I just wanted to add that my daughter sounds a lot like your son, and I haven't gotten a label or pursued one. But I did pursue therapy in the form of sensory trained Occupational Therapists. They have been able to do what no parent could do regardless of what amount of reading they've done on the subject. Its a highly regimented practice that perhaps sounds vague unless you've seen it, or seen the impact.

Its worth investigating -- yes, some kids can outgrow sensory issues and learn to compensate/control them. But while they're young, why not give them extra support?

[Anonymous]

My DC was bothered for several years by a classmate who was finally asked to leave the school. This child's mother thought her kid was just fine, in fact a genius, and the bad/inappropriate behavior was everyone else's fault. I began to think it was a form of child abuse to not address the issues and needs of this poor kid. No one could believe the level of denial by the mom, including teachers, admin., other parents, etc. I hope the child is getting the help they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC was bothered for several years by a classmate who was finally asked to leave the school. This child's mother thought her kid was just fine, in fact a genius, and the bad/inappropriate behavior was everyone else's fault. I began to think it was a form of child abuse to not address the issues and needs of this poor kid. No one could believe the level of denial by the mom, including teachers, admin., other parents, etc. I hope the child is getting the help they need.

What did this child do that was bad/inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
okay, but this is an extreme. most of the posts here aren't referring to this kind of extreme behavior. we're talking about the broad range of "normal" quirks in children. obviously this child's issues seem to be impeding his ability to function in the world. i don't really think it's an appropriate example if you're trying to defend OP's post. OP seems to have a large group of friends, all with boys who have autistic tendencies, all with parents in denial... something rings false here.

Op here. Yikes, when did I say I have a large group of friends, all boys who have autistic tendencies? That was not what I said.

I have a son. He's in a playgroup. All of the children in his playgroup are boys. We have been with this playgroup since he was so young. He's also in other circles where there are lots of boys such as our neighborhood friends and their kids, his preschool, his other extracurricular classes. I do not work with children but I am around children, and alot of them boys, simply because of my little boy. As a SAHM I have developed a wide circle of friends and acquaintances over my little boy's life to provide a social outlet for him. But because I am discussing boys predominantly in this discussion that does not mean everybody in our social circle are exclusively boys. And just because I mentioned autism as one thing moms could look for doesn't mean autism is exclusively the cause of every quirk witnessed in their child.

I'm one of the PP's that had a strong reaction to OP's post. I obviously advocate seeking help when it's appropriate, especially if a child's issues are interfering with his/her quality of life. I don't think ignoring problems is the answer. But at the same time, I feel like every kid is referred to OT for every little quirk. My friend's son was referred for OT because he's still sucking his thumb (he just turned six). That just seems a bit much. I agree that OT is invaluable to many kids but I do think that others who thrive after a good stretch of OT would have outgrown the "issues" naturally, with time. Kids are being over-diagnosed and OT's are making a killing!

[Anonymous]

PP here... btw I don't mean to devalue OT... I realize it is a lifesaver for many children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC was bothered for several years by a classmate who was finally asked to leave the school. This child's mother thought her kid was just fine, in fact a genius, and the bad/inappropriate behavior was everyone else's fault. I began to think it was a form of child abuse to not address the issues and needs of this poor kid. No one could believe the level of denial by the mom, including teachers, admin., other parents, etc. I hope the child is getting the help they need.

Denial is so profound when it comes to our children. We love them so much and want them to be "normal." In our eyes, they are perfect, and we attack anyone who dares suggest otherwise.

A boy in my son's class was asked to leave the school because of his behavioral issues that the parents could not accept and did nothing except blame the school for them. Another parent, whose son clearly has Ausberger's (to my untrained eyes), took her son out of this school when his teachers tried to tell her to have him evaluated. When I pointed out some of his quirks and gently suggested he might have Ausberger's she told me he had poor social skills because he is "young for his age" and pointed out how articulate he is as evidence of his intelligence. She said the fact that he had to carry several of her old cell phones with him wherever he went him was because he was "interested in technology" and she called his obsession with computers his "passion." Whenever her son came over to our house to play, he spent the entire time on the computer, or telling me things, but could not relate to my son. This is a very bright woman, but she is blind when it comes to her son. It made her feel good to blame the school for her son's problems, but it did her son no good.

[Anonymous]

I'm frankly just amazed at how many DCUMs with no training whatsoever (or even ability to properly spell the disorders in question) are so convinced of their ability to diagnosis developmental issues. It sounds awfully arrogant to me.

Honestly I did a little of this myself when my first son was young - I was sure his cousin and various other kids we encountered had all kinds of issues; a couple of years later I can say that I sure was wrong, and I now think twice (or more) before making any assumptions about kids who aren't my own. I'm not trying to be offensive here, but I'm just very dubious that there's a wide problem of denial among DC parents - if anything, the opposite (like the OP, who admits she's seen a dozen child experts!) And I'd caution all of you who are so sure that your child's classmate/relative/neighbor has this or that disorder, unless you have really compelling evidence to the contrary, you ought to presume that the child's parents, doctors, and teachers know best.

[Anonymous]

16:49 here. The bad/inappropriate behavior was incessant talking, hitting/kicking other students and later teachers and other staff, threatening students with death, throwing textbooks at teachers, throwing food, hiding under a desk for long periods, inability to follow simple directions, and on and on. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm frankly just amazed at how many DCUMs with no training whatsoever (or even ability to properly spell the disorders in question) are so convinced of their ability to diagnosis developmental issues. It sounds awfully arrogant to me.

Honestly I did a little of this myself when my first son was young - I was sure his cousin and various other kids we encountered had all kinds of issues; a couple of years later I can say that I sure was wrong, and I now think twice (or more) before making any assumptions about kids who aren't my own. I'm not trying to be offensive here, but I'm just very dubious that there's a wide problem of denial among DC parents - if anything, the opposite (like the OP, who admits she's seen a dozen child experts!) And I'd caution all of you who are so sure that your child's classmate/relative/neighbor has this or that disorder, unless you have really compelling evidence to the contrary, you ought to presume that the child's parents, doctors, and teachers know best.

Spelling errors are irrelevant. They do not negate or even minimize the point each poster is making. How about we look past spelling errors to focus on the point each poster is trying to make.

My sister is a medical professional that works with children and she was never taught about sensory integration disorder, auditory processing disorder, or motor planning problems. She never even heard of regulatory disorders until I mentioned it and she went to a damn good medical school just recently. So don't assume that all doctors know best. Many pediatricians also lump children in ADHD and are unable to distinguish ADHD from some sensory issues. SO doctors may know best to THEIR knowledge but their knowledge may not be enough. One would need to see a child psychiatrist who specializes in special needs. Ask your pediatrician or child psychologist if he or she knows what a regulatory disorder is.

[Anonymous]

Spelling errors are irrelevant. They do not negate or even minimize the point each poster is making. How about we look past spelling errors to focus on the point each poster is trying to make.

Typos are irrelevant. However, the PP who doesn't know the proper spelling of Asperger's Syndrome is therefore unlikely to know enough to diagnose it in her child's classmate.

And I fully agree with the utility of consulting specialists to determine if there is a specific problem that a general pediatrician may have missed. But the OP is not a specialist, nor are the other DCUMs who are complaining about the many undiagnosed children they encounter. You all are practicing medicine by Google, and presuming you know more about children you encounter than anyone else. That is simply arrogant and ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Spelling errors are irrelevant. They do not negate or even minimize the point each poster is making. How about we look past spelling errors to focus on the point each poster is trying to make.

Typos are irrelevant. However, the PP who doesn't know the proper spelling of Asperger's Syndrome is therefore unlikely to know enough to diagnose it in her child's classmate.

And I fully agree with the utility of consulting specialists to determine if there is a specific problem that a general pediatrician may have missed. But the OP is not a specialist, nor are the other DCUMs who are complaining about the many undiagnosed children they encounter. You all are practicing medicine by Google, and presuming you know more about children you encounter than anyone else. That is simply arrogant and ridiculous.

Agree. "When you hear hoofbeats you think horses and not zebras." Get a grip people and stop diagnosing at a glance (or even various).