Moms Who Won't Get Their Kids Dx, Won't Get Therapy

[Anonymous]

I wonder if this is just me...but I am so frustrated at the number of boys that I am seeing that seem to have 'issues' that are ignored by their parents. I see boys with autistic tendencies or traits, auditory processing issues, motor planning issues, and sensory integration issues, even bipolar characteristics. Their parents are in denial and, many times, will absolutely refuse to get their children dx and will never pay for their children to get therapy. These kids are lining up their cars in neat little rows and have a tantrum if you accidentally bump one car out of place, pummeling other kids with no or little provocation, screaming their head off if their mom forgets to shut the cupboard door, covering their ears in classrooms, licking chairs, doorknobs, etc...etc...These moms put their kids in schools where these characteristics are picked up but are treated as behavioral problems, not neurological problems. So the children are reprimanded at school or punished when they get home. This must also be so hard on those poor kids who more often than not can't help their behavior.

[Anonymous]

My kid lines up cars and gets pissed if you knock them out. He's not autistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid lines up cars and gets pissed if you knock them out. He's not autistic.

that's what I was thinking too

and what's dx? diagnosed?

[Anonymous]

How do you know they are not being diagnosed? There is such a thing as displaying autistic tendencies and still not being on the spectrum. I've had my daughter evaluated and didn't advertise it to parents at my school. And there is a whole range of behaviorial quirks that also cause tantrums. My daughter has auditory processing, motor planning and sensory issues, but is not on the spectrum. Call me crazy, but I've been to dev peds, dev psys and a host of others and I'm pursuing traditional OT and social classes and nothing else. What do you think these boys should be doing?

[Anonymous]

OP - are you a therapist or an expert in childhood development? Or are you making these assumptions from a 2-minute observation based on circumstantial evidence?

And what makes you think that the parents are doing "nothing" about it? Perhaps they want to keep family matters personal and private and, right now, it could be work in progress.

[Anonymous]

At certain ages, these are not abnormal behaviors. Toddlers and preschoolers have very little control over their worlds and sometimes when things go wrong, they lose it just like adults. My son loves to line up his cars to go on parade, etc. He isn't autistic. Preschool boys esp are still very driven by impulses. It takes yrs for them to learn to curb their natural tendencies so if you think boys who hit or push other kids are autistic or have sensory issues, well most preschool boys fit the bill then. Licking chairs and doorknobs does sound abnormal for children over the age of 3 or so. Some kids do have issues that go beyond normal preschool aged behaviors but if you think the behaviors you mentioned are due to autism, bipolar disorder or sensory processing disorder, you might as well diagnose the majority of preschool aged boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid lines up cars and gets pissed if you knock them out. He's not autistic.

But I never said lining up cars makes one autistic. I said many boys in particular are showing autistics tendencies, auditory processing issues, motor planning issues, sensory issues, and one example of a possible issue was lining up cars. Lots of autistic kids line up things obsessively. But not all kids that line things up are autistic. They may have another issue other than autism such as sensory integration disorder which causes some children to try to obsessively create order in their play, and one way they do this is by lining up toys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know they are not being diagnosed? There is such a thing as displaying autistic tendencies and still not being on the spectrum. I've had my daughter evaluated and didn't advertise it to parents at my school. And there is a whole range of behaviorial quirks that also cause tantrums. My daughter has auditory processing, motor planning and sensory issues, but is not on the spectrum. Call me crazy, but I've been to dev peds, dev psys and a host of others and I'm pursuing traditional OT and social classes and nothing else. What do you think these boys should be doing?

How do I know they are not being dx? Because many of these moms are friends of mine. And even with those who are acquaintances of mine, we've actually gotten into discussions about diagnoses and therapies and a few actually said they wouldn't want to spend money on therapy or their husbands would refuse to spend money on therapy. Over the course of years some children have gotten worse. Perhaps they did get a dx and are getting therapy and not telling me. But I see no improvement, just a steady deterioration in their kids.

What do I think these boys should be doing....well, essentially what you are doing or rather what you did. You went to dev peds, dev psychs, and pursuing traditional OT and social classes...things like that.

[Anonymous]

OP, what drug company do you work for?

[Anonymous]

They may have another issue other than autism such as sensory integration disorder which causes some children to try to obsessively create order in their play,


Well, then just about every child in a Montessori school exhibits this "need" to create order in their play. These schools foster this. I think the OP should brush up on some early childhood development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what drug company do you work for?

Oh my gosh...you posters are HILARIOUS. I love it -- are other city boards this obnoxious? I think this is just fascinating. But yes, I agree OP is CLEARLY a therapist looking for some new clients I think. They lingo just rolls off her tongue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At certain ages, these are not abnormal behaviors. Toddlers and preschoolers have very little control over their worlds and sometimes when things go wrong, they lose it just like adults. My son loves to line up his cars to go on parade, etc. He isn't autistic. Preschool boys esp are still very driven by impulses. It takes yrs for them to learn to curb their natural tendencies so if you think boys who hit or push other kids are autistic or have sensory issues, well most preschool boys fit the bill then. Licking chairs and doorknobs does sound abnormal for children over the age of 3 or so. Some kids do have issues that go beyond normal preschool aged behaviors but if you think the behaviors you mentioned are due to autism, bipolar disorder or sensory processing disorder, you might as well diagnose the majority of preschool aged boys.

Yup, Of all the things I mentioned physically aggressive behavior is the one thing that may be a behavioral problem and not always explained by a neurological issue. Boys who are occasionally aggressive may do it because it's just a behavioral problem and there may be nothing wrong with them neurologically (not trying to say that it's okay of them to be physically aggressive). BUT - boys who are aggressive regularly without any provocation are not just having behavioral problems, I think there's something more going on with them neurologically. And boys who retaliate with much greater force and violence and rage than was warranted should, I think, be checked having some neurological issues.

What do others think - that the vast majority of preschool aged boys are generally physically aggressive and line up toys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may have another issue other than autism such as sensory integration disorder which causes some children to try to obsessively create order in their play,


Well, then just about every child in a Montessori school exhibits this "need" to create order in their play. These schools foster this. I think the OP should brush up on some early childhood development.

Can we try to have a civil discussion without meanness or cynicism or shots? How about we just try okay? Actually my child goes to Montessori school so I do understand the 'order' that you are talking about that is emphasized in Montessori programs. My child's school is also not a hybrid Montessori but rather a pure one. The order Montessori pgms teach is to finish one task before beginning another, organize your thoughts, proceed with your 'work' in a structured, orderly way by taking apart the pieces or parts of a toy, and putting it together in a systematic way, not just as you would like to...certain puzzles must be done top to bottom, certain fine motor skill toys must involve coloring in a certain way, etc..etc... This is way different than a child who is lining up cars obsessively for no reason other than to create a perfect line that must absolutely not be disturbed. Montessori school teachers would not, at least not in my child's school, not permit this as it is 'unproductive.'

[Anonymous]

OP -- most parents will take their lead from the preschool teachers on this one. I think most parents won't think to take a child for treatment and certainly not expensive therapy unless the kids are having significant trouble in preschool or daycare -- like, the kids are being threatened with dismissal if they don't shape up. THAT motivates the parents to start looking for reasons why their child can't behave -- which leads to a diagnosis and some therapy, etc.

So if you are seeing a lot of this, and your armchair diagnosis is correct that there are a bunch of buys with untreated neurological disorders out there -- chances are that it is the preschool teachers who are seeing this activity (licking doorknobs, you mentioned....or throwing tantrums) as behavior problems, not neurological ones. They might be the ones to talk to, if they are all at your kid's school. Maybe offer to host a parent education night or something, and invite the teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what drug company do you work for?

Oh my gosh...you posters are HILARIOUS. I love it -- are other city boards this obnoxious? I think this is just fascinating. But yes, I agree OP is CLEARLY a therapist looking for some new clients I think. They lingo just rolls off her tongue.

I know isn't it sad...I am a SAHM. I have no job. I never worked with children. And for that matter, my husband and none of my relatives that live locally work with special needs kids or kids with issues. And nobody that I know works for a pharmaceutical or pharm sales company. Geez, is it so unusual for a city mom to actually be concerned and comment about special needs kids or kids with issues?