No more Grandma's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I think this is a direct reflection in you and your parenting, not on your in laws at all. The only reason your kids do this is because you allow them to do this. I am sure once one kicks it off they all follow suit. The way you describe it you are looking for your in laws to do something when this is your problem. Additionally, I highly doubt they are disparaging you in front of your kids. Kids that age can't keep secrets much less 4 of them.

By 3 they know what is expected of them. Prep before they do, in the car, when they arrive and reminder when you arrive should do it. Won't happen right away but give it some time. You have a husband who travels and in laws who love your kids enough to have them overnight. Let go of your issues with them (comes through clearly in your post) and even if they pitch a fit for a few minutes be grateful.

You clearly have not had a toxic, passive-aggressive MIL in your life.

Actually I do. I don't sink to her level. When my kids were younger I made it my goal not to involve my kids in my issues with her. I knew if I raised them right they would figure her out all on their own. I felt they would be resentful if I ruined that relationship. Well now they are older (ms/hs). I can't remember the last time they willingly went to their grandparents. They think their grandmother is crazy, says crazy things and mean. It isn't fun anymore. She ruined her relationship with them all on her own. Me? I have no contact. If she calls I don't answer, if she texts/e-mails I don't respond. My DH is in charge of all communications with her. Once I took control of our relationship and only had contact when I wanted, things became much easier.

The OP isn't a victim of her passive-aggressive MIL. She simply let's her control the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

[Anonymous]

I personally would not put up with the tantrums you describe, OP. I think telling them before the next visit that if they cannot treat you with respect when you come to pick them up, then they won't go back for a month, and follow through. The next time they tantrum, it will be two months before the next visit. I would not expect that level of self control from a 2 year old, obviously. But by 4, absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

+1. Glad I'm not the only one who thought that was ridiculous. I feel for some of the MILs posted about here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

+1. Glad I'm not the only one who thought that was ridiculous. I feel for some of the MILs posted about here.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

Where was there trash talking? You have presumed a lot from a few lines. And where did I say it was FREE? I wish. She was well paid. And making myself feel better about going to work? Two days a week isn't a hardship honey. My MIL is the one that should have been thanking me for letting her be with the kids. It isn't trash talking if what you are saying actually happened. She gave my 10mo DD candy and other crap all day just so DD would prefer her to me. I thought it was funny when MIL's behavior backfired on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

+1. Glad I'm not the only one who thought that was ridiculous. I feel for some of the MILs posted about here.

You all are just jealous because you HAVE to use daycare and you most likely have to work full time. I on the other hand made better life choices and only work two days a week. And I have a MIL that watches my kids. We pay her, but I don't put up with any of her MIL crap. Sorry if that upsets you.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

Where was there trash talking? You have presumed a lot from a few lines. And where did I say it was FREE? I wish. She was well paid. And making myself feel better about going to work? Two days a week isn't a hardship honey. My MIL is the one that should have been thanking me for letting her be with the kids. It isn't trash talking if what you are saying actually happened. She gave my 10mo DD candy and other crap all day just so DD would prefer her to me. I thought it was funny when MIL's behavior backfired on her.

Are you OP? Posts sound a lot alike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

Where was there trash talking? You have presumed a lot from a few lines. And where did I say it was FREE? I wish. She was well paid. And making myself feel better about going to work? Two days a week isn't a hardship honey. My MIL is the one that should have been thanking me for letting her be with the kids. It isn't trash talking if what you are saying actually happened. She gave my 10mo DD candy and other crap all day just so DD would prefer her to me. I thought it was funny when MIL's behavior backfired on her.

OMG, yes! Why isn't she bowing at your feet daily?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

Where was there trash talking? You have presumed a lot from a few lines. And where did I say it was FREE? I wish. She was well paid. And making myself feel better about going to work? Two days a week isn't a hardship honey. My MIL is the one that should have been thanking me for letting her be with the kids. It isn't trash talking if what you are saying actually happened. She gave my 10mo DD candy and other crap all day just so DD would prefer her to me. I thought it was funny when MIL's behavior backfired on her.

Your DD is smart. I prefer her to you too, PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

Where was there trash talking? You have presumed a lot from a few lines. And where did I say it was FREE? I wish. She was well paid. And making myself feel better about going to work? Two days a week isn't a hardship honey. My MIL is the one that should have been thanking me for letting her be with the kids. It isn't trash talking if what you are saying actually happened. She gave my 10mo DD candy and other crap all day just so DD would prefer her to me. I thought it was funny when MIL's behavior backfired on her.

Now it makes sense, you are an awful person and those two days a week were like heaven to your DD. Got it.

I don't have to explain trash talking, you demonstrate it well.

[Anonymous]

"You all are just jealous because you HAVE to use daycare and you most likely have to work full time. I on the other hand made better life choices and only work two days a week. And I have a MIL that watches my kids. We pay her, but I don't put up with any of her MIL crap. Sorry if that upsets you."

It's always about you.

You need help, seriously. Get it before your kids are old enough to not want anything to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this OP. With my eldest DD. MIL would provide childcare in our home two days a week. Once my DD turned 10 mos. I was screamed at and told to go away when I got home from work. She would look at me and say NO!! And grab grandma and scream. My MIL would just sit there and try not to giggle. It was so annoying. It got to the point that I resented my MIL. I decided to start coming home from work early just to see what was going on. MIL would either be holding DD and giving her candy or junk, or they would be playing with a brand new toy that grandma bought. MIL just spoiled her the entire time I was at work. I decided that MIL would not follow my rules and I needed her to watch my DD. I just adjusted and realized that my DD still loved me. Once I had my son, this behavior quickly stopped. MIL was not able to just sit and hold DS all day. She still had to bow to my DD's demands. It was pretty funny. MIL actually used to say that DS didn't love her because he didn't throw a fit when I got home. I went on to have two more kids, and never did we have a meltdown when I got home.

Who the heck are you? In return for FREE childcare you trash-talk to make yourself feel better about going to work?

My kid did the same thing at daycare pickup and I would never say the horrible things you've said about my caregivers.

Where was there trash talking? You have presumed a lot from a few lines. And where did I say it was FREE? I wish. She was well paid. And making myself feel better about going to work? Two days a week isn't a hardship honey. My MIL is the one that should have been thanking me for letting her be with the kids. It isn't trash talking if what you are saying actually happened. She gave my 10mo DD candy and other crap all day just so DD would prefer her to me. I thought it was funny when MIL's behavior backfired on her.

OMG, yes! Why isn't she bowing at your feet daily?

Not PP. No need for bowing at feet, but yeah, MILs are not entitled to spend time with their grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Free daycare/babysitting isn't usually free...