How do Indian and Asian parents do it?

[Anonymous]

Some of the parents send their children to acadamies, in addition to regular school, after school and over the summer. Check out this website as an example: mathenglish.com

[Anonymous]

Many asian parents are not afraid to tell their children that they are stupid and to scream their heads off at their kids if they are not receiving all A's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought Indian parents are Asian parents? Isn't India in Asia?

different cultures, PP . . . different cultures

yet, according to PP, with the same drive to turn their kids into superstars

Yes India is in Asia. I think the OP was trying to differentiate between East Asia and Southeast Asia? Or maybe India is a continent??? Hahahahahah

[Anonymous]

Bottom line, it is what you put in as a parent when it cones to educating your kids. I am not doing extra Kumon or sylvan classes for my girls, but we do work on things at home from history, math, language writing, and music. Are we doing this all day in their after school hours? No, but they typically have at least an hour's worth of work to do. Then they can play. I think it is important for kids to understand that it is important to practice so they don't forget. Any parent who thinks that their public or private school will or should give their child everything he/she needs for education is sadly disillusioned. It is just not that way.....now more than ever. Does it take time and effort to pull materials for my children to work on! Yes, but I look at that as my job as their parent. Even with the snow days, I still pull work for them to do. Generally speaking, parents are overwhelmed and don't have the time, patience, or energy to pull the extra work. Instead it is easier to criticize and overinflated what others are doing. It is easier to say, "just let them play" in order to justify not pulling extra work to help them practice...even if it is just for an hour. I agree about what one of the PPs wrote about quitting. Before you give in yo your child wanting to quit, try to calmly explain the value in what they are doing or learning. Even from K, they get it. Let your child make the choice. Even tonight, I gave my younger First Grader 10 subtraction problems to work out and then use addition to check her answer. She started complaining that she just wanted to subtract and not do the checking. Later in the evening, I spoke with her one on one. I told her that it drained me to gear her whining about the work I have her to practice. I explained that practicing those problems will help her learn and check her own answers. I asked her if she wanted me to stop pulling work. She said, "No, I get it. Thank you for helping. We are a team." That pretty much says it all. Teamwork!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is from several friends now grown up. agree with the above, very strict. my kid is good at sports b/c we gave him a ball at 2 and he just played a lot to develop coordination.
not so much for other cultures that sign their kid up for a class at 7 and want them to be a star.

honestly nurture them and make them work hard, but don't lose sight of developing their happiness and confidence and working on having a good relationship.

there are A LOT of miserable overachievers.

Such as the Indian guy who hates being in law school and would rather be a teacher...

This is so true. I am a therapist and cannot tell you how many miserable overachievers I see daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line, it is what you put in as a parent when it cones to educating your kids. I am not doing extra Kumon or sylvan classes for my girls, but we do work on things at home from history, math, language writing, and music. Are we doing this all day in their after school hours? No, but they typically have at least an hour's worth of work to do. Then they can play. I think it is important for kids to understand that it is important to practice so they don't forget. Any parent who thinks that their public or private school will or should give their child everything he/she needs for education is sadly disillusioned. It is just not that way.....now more than ever. Does it take time and effort to pull materials for my children to work on! Yes, but I look at that as my job as their parent. Even with the snow days, I still pull work for them to do. Generally speaking, parents are overwhelmed and don't have the time, patience, or energy to pull the extra work. Instead it is easier to criticize and overinflated what others are doing. It is easier to say, "just let them play" in order to justify not pulling extra work to help them practice...even if it is just for an hour. I agree about what one of the PPs wrote about quitting. Before you give in yo your child wanting to quit, try to calmly explain the value in what they are doing or learning. Even from K, they get it. Let your child make the choice. Even tonight, I gave my younger First Grader 10 subtraction problems to work out and then use addition to check her answer. She started complaining that she just wanted to subtract and not do the checking. Later in the evening, I spoke with her one on one. I told her that it drained me to gear her whining about the work I have her to practice. I explained that practicing those problems will help her learn and check her own answers. I asked her if she wanted me to stop pulling work. She said, "No, I get it. Thank you for helping. We are a team." That pretty much says it all. Teamwork!

Curious -- do you work outside the home full- time and have the typical Washington region commute of 40 minutes each way (so an additional ~6 hours away from home)?

My observation here and in NYC is that most East Asian mothers (currently aged 55-70) are SAHM or help out at the restaurant while kids are in school only. I can't help but wonder if this isn't a key factor.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is so full of stereotypes. India is a huge country with an enormous variety of ethnic groups. The cultures vary enormously - people from one state often have great difficulty understanding the culture of the people from the next state. Things are further compounded by individual family circumstances. And of course there are always exceptions that break the rule.

Not all Indian parents are drawn to spelling bees - for some the compulsion to compete in such competitions is pretty incomprehensible.
Not all Indian parents would look down on going to an SLAC, getting a PhD in art history and teaching in a college as a career.
Not all Indians would look down on getting a degree from a state university in engineering and working for a nonprofit in Cameroon to improve the lives of impoverished people.
Some Indian parents would spend practically all they had to encourage a daughter in her career as a pianist.
Not all Indians work in or own restaurants.
Not all Indians beat or berate their children for getting a B.

Yes - there is a tendency to hard work and a valuing of education, but that does not play out the same way in all ethnic groups and in all families.

Yes I have met Indians like those stereotyped above, but the ones I know best are not like these stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Simple, they don't let their kids quite. They also put aside the notion that their kids are inherently smart or good at something like a sport. Rather they believe that success comes from hard work. They also believe that you must work hard and become good at something before you can enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line, it is what you put in as a parent when it cones to educating your kids. I am not doing extra Kumon or sylvan classes for my girls, but we do work on things at home from history, math, language writing, and music. Are we doing this all day in their after school hours? No, but they typically have at least an hour's worth of work to do. Then they can play. I think it is important for kids to understand that it is important to practice so they don't forget. Any parent who thinks that their public or private school will or should give their child everything he/she needs for education is sadly disillusioned. It is just not that way.....now more than ever. Does it take time and effort to pull materials for my children to work on! Yes, but I look at that as my job as their parent. Even with the snow days, I still pull work for them to do. Generally speaking, parents are overwhelmed and don't have the time, patience, or energy to pull the extra work. Instead it is easier to criticize and overinflated what others are doing. It is easier to say, "just let them play" in order to justify not pulling extra work to help them practice...even if it is just for an hour. I agree about what one of the PPs wrote about quitting. Before you give in yo your child wanting to quit, try to calmly explain the value in what they are doing or learning. Even from K, they get it. Let your child make the choice. Even tonight, I gave my younger First Grader 10 subtraction problems to work out and then use addition to check her answer. She started complaining that she just wanted to subtract and not do the checking. Later in the evening, I spoke with her one on one. I told her that it drained me to gear her whining about the work I have her to practice. I explained that practicing those problems will help her learn and check her own answers. I asked her if she wanted me to stop pulling work. She said, "No, I get it. Thank you for helping. We are a team." That pretty much says it all. Teamwork!

Curious -- do you work outside the home full- time and have the typical Washington region commute of 40 minutes each way (so an additional ~6 hours away from home)?

My observation here and in NYC is that most East Asian mothers (currently aged 55-70) are SAHM or help out at the restaurant while kids are in school only. I can't help but wonder if this isn't a key factor.

Bingo! You hit the nail on the head. "Absentee parenting" from your downtown office is like any absentee "management".
It usually doesn't work so well. Trying to make up for it when you get home at night, is simply frustrating for most parents and children.
But hey, all you can do, is the best you can do, right? If that's the best you can do, no need to sweat or fight about it.

[Anonymous]

whites are lazy and benefit from old money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:whites are lazy and benefit from old money

Shut up and go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what school is your child in that there is so many Indians? We are Indian and are looking for a school that is diverse and has some other Indian kids.

This is not OP - but our elem school has a large Indian population. Are you looking for elem school?

[Anonymous]

I am an indian parent and I see other indian parents do this and i just feel the same way the poster to be honest. there is no end to this. it seems impossible to keep up.

my strategy? just let go. end of the day what matters the most is your relationship with your child in the real world. i am not saying there can be no rules and grades. if the kids believe they are doing their best, i would be ok with it, because the way I see it, there is always someone doing something better than you or your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell right away one of your issues. You start by saying your child is very right. The eastern parenting focuses less on smarts and more on hard work and triumph over difficulties. Smarts only get you so far. Your kid has to work hard, fail and keep trying. Reward her hard work and effort rather than telling her she is smart.

Absolutely right! Look up the work of psychologist Carol Dweck for more research on this topic.

Signed,
an Asian-American psychologist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all Indians work in or own restaurants.

Yes, some of them own 7-Elevens, too.