How do Indian and Asian parents do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in London, India and the US and DH was born here and grew up here, his parents moved from India in the 70s and I am so much more open minded and flexible as are my urban cosmopolitan parents. DH parents didn't let him learn his native tongue in fear that he would not learn English. They didn't pay for education even a little and had him get loans even though they could afford it. They helped for a total of 6 weeks with much stress for both my babies. Both girls and I still haven't heard the last of it @ no male child. They said they have saved up to travel the world, nothing wrong with that. These are educated people and are very judgmental, superstitious, manipulative, lying and mean people. Ditto for rest of the uncles and aunts in his family.

Lot of stability yes but man so much animosity and selfishness among this community, so much hypocrisy. The most 'god-fearing' culture does the least charity. Ironical and sad.

Why would anyone want to ape the methods of such parents whose children most of them grow up self centered selfish beings. There is not much sense of community service. I have Jewish friends and they have more sense of sharing and helping in their fingertips than all the indian people I know.

You do realize that this is just your experience? I am South Asian and I will be the first to admit that there are certain pronounced flaws in the culture but one of the amazing positive things is that usually families provide a huge support system for their kids. My father worked multiple low end jobs when he immigrated here so that he could send us to the best schools and pay for extracurricular activities. Similarly, my wealthier South Asian friends' parents paid for their private schools and grad school educations without a second thought and gave generous down payments for first homes, etc. Mothers will generally come for extended stays to help with kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is indian, I'm not. Our children are in a Montessori school and DH started feeling a bit uncomfortable around his friends. All their kids know numbers and letters, our kids know to wash dishes, get dressed and build things

Montessori schools are chock full of Indian kids because they are structured environments where math concepts and pre-reading skill are taught very early. Montessori schools also emphasize work-ethic, perseverance until mastery, and delaying gratification (grace and courtesy) etc. Work great with the Indian model.

ha! The Montessori I went to in the DC area was staffed overwhelmingly by Seeks. The staff at the Seattle Montessori schools my daughters go to are over 50% Asian (Indian, Mongolian, Chinese, Indonesian, Taiwanese). The rest: South American, eastern European, who-knows-what white American, African American.

[Anonymous]

Non-Indian Asian Parents- can you come in and give us your perspective? 10 pages of the Indian experience so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in London, India and the US and DH was born here and grew up here, his parents moved from India in the 70s and I am so much more open minded and flexible as are my urban cosmopolitan parents. DH parents didn't let him learn his native tongue in fear that he would not learn English. They didn't pay for education even a little and had him get loans even though they could afford it. They helped for a total of 6 weeks with much stress for both my babies. Both girls and I still haven't heard the last of it @ no male child. They said they have saved up to travel the world, nothing wrong with that. These are educated people and are very judgmental, superstitious, manipulative, lying and mean people. Ditto for rest of the uncles and aunts in his family.

Lot of stability yes but man so much animosity and selfishness among this community, so much hypocrisy. The most 'god-fearing' culture does the least charity. Ironical and sad.

Why would anyone want to ape the methods of such parents whose children most of them grow up self centered selfish beings. There is not much sense of community service. I have Jewish friends and they have more sense of sharing and helping in their fingertips than all the indian people I know.

Um, this is your family's experience. Most Indian parents I know went into debt if they needed, so their kids would have minimal debt. And, in this day and in the US, I really don't hear that grandparents openly, if at all, state a preference for boys. Is his family educated?

Exactly. This is sounding so different from mine and the experiences of other Indians I know. PP is right though. You could be the unlucky one who got married to the weird Indian guy with the weird family. Was this an arranged marriage? I wonder how this family was not vetted properly before you were stuck with them?

Attitudes have changed a lot among Indians as well, and if you think you need to divorce to get out of bad situation (for you or your kids) you should go for it.