what to do when restricting foods and finding out MIL giving it to child anyway
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Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| this happened to me today as well. I got DH to say something. He bombed her out. |
Anonymous
|
OP, this reaction happens in my DD too. No artificial flavors or colors, no preservatives, no jelly without protein (pb) to balance it out, etc.
My parents told me they found it really frustrating to never know what treats they could offer DD. So i made a list of brands and flavors of treats DD can have. I emailed it to them, I "pinned" it to their iPhones so they can easily pull up the list, I printed it out and put it on their freezer, and taped it to the inside door of their pantry, plus gave my mother a print out to keep in her purse. They feel so much better now, knowing they can refer to my list, and be sure I won't wind up angry at them. They know which stores sell which treats, they know what DD can have as a treat at different restaurants they go to, etc. |
Anonymous
| wow. lots of controlling parents here. i feel sorry for the grandparents!!! |
Anonymous
| Parents have a right to be in control when it comes to their children. I feel sorry for the parents whose own parents just want to do whatever they want to do instead of listening to the parents of the child. There is so much ignorance about food sensitivities and allergies and a grandparent who won't listen or work with the child's parents is a big problem. |
Anonymous
[b] +1 from a nanny |
Anonymous
|
OP, haven't read all replies so hope this doesn't repeat a bunch of them:
If your child has a real, physical issue with these foods, document it formally. See the doctor and see if he or she agrees with you -- that these issues are the foods (and not other stimuli or behavioral issues.). If the issue is not the foods/sugars/dyes, find out what IS the issue. Not clear if you've ever had your child checked specifically for allergies to food dyes. It's easy to test for it. Once you do that, if the doctor agrees with you: Get your pediatrician to write a letter, on doctor's letterhead, saying that your child is sensitive (or allergic or whatever) to food dyes and sugars in the following foods: Then list them. (Ask about red and yellow dyes in particular, by the way.) If the doc won't provide this, find out what the doc WILL provide; say you need it for relatives who are caregivers, teachers, etc. Give this to grandma -- or rather have your husband do it. Nicely but firmly and finally: Tell her that this is no longer about "Let's have a little secret treat that uptight mommy doesn't allow!" and it's now about your child's basic health (and the behaviors associated with the food sensitivity). Tell her that though SHE does not see any evidence when child is with her, you see it later when his body has processed the dyes/sugars. She truly may think you're exaggerating the problems because she doesn't see the meltdowns later. "We know you don't see it, but you need to trust us as parents and adults here" is the message. Along with: "We know you want the best for Child and will work with us and the doctor on this! Hooray! Let's bake the cupcakes Child CAN have!" I would take care to present all this very matter-of-factly and with an attitude of, "We know you are trying to make Child happy with some small treats and they seem innocent, but we now know that this is really an issue: The doctor has said X...." Some people will listen to a professional when they will not listen to their relatives. You know her and we don't, so only you know if she will go ballistic, or will passive-aggressively say "Oh, OK' and continue doing it, or if she'll lay a guilt trip on you for going to the doctor, or if she'll play the martyr and cry, "I'm a horrid, horrid person!" and so on. Just be ready for any of those reactions and don't engage her on it, or argue, or let it escalate. Keep it simple and lay it at the doctor's feet: It's a medical thing, we have been told what to do, everyone who deals with Child has to do this, not just you, grandma. Remember too that this is largely generational, and have a little compassion for her on that part of it too -- especially since you say you value her help otherwise. Her generation didn't even think about dyes, for sure, and can be dismissive of parents now as being overprotective and coddling; can you give her some slack on that? She probably could say, "YOU grew up with plenty of sugary treats now and then and we didn't know squat about dyes when I was raising Son or your mom was raising you, and you're both OK!" Combine that with the traditional attitude of "Grandparents get to spoil the grandkids just a little" and you have a bad mix for a child who is really affected by these foods. She truly may not intend to undermine you; she may be seeing this as a funny little battle of wills over some treats, and no big deal. But it's very real to you that your child is affected and she does not see that as a medical issue. And most of all: I want to shout it: Your HUSBAND should be dealing with all this; he's the adult child in the picture! One last thing: DO keep snacks and water in the car. You didn't have a drink on hand that one time? What about water? Nothing wrong or "spoiling" about giving a kid water on demand, ever. You chose the wrong battle there, frankly. Water and some crackers or raisins or nuts can prevent blood sugar crashes, and a blood sugar crash is part of the issue here, as well as the dyes. I would be far less concerned about asserting your authority with "I don't want to give snacks on demand in the car" and would actually go the other way -- healthy snacks and water available, especially after visits to grandma's. Your kid should not pay with a 10-minute fit because you don't want to give a simple drink or snack that might take care of the blood sugar crash that grandma, not your child, caused. |
Anonymous
This is not crazy at all. I have many awful memories when I was 3-5 yr old where I would tantrum so hard that I would hyperventilate and vomit. I remember sitting on my day's lap and him holding me while I could not stop crying. I was allergic to the red punch they served kids at my grandma's church. Once the red candy and drinks were off limits I was fine. My mom said it would start 3-4 hours after I ate the red food. This was in the early 80's. I heard they didn't make that dye anymore, but apparently I was misinformed. |
Anonymous
| This thread reminds of my cousin. My aunt and uncle always forbid certain foods as he was growing up. He was never allowed any typical "kid" foods - everything had to be wholesome and natural. No soda. Very few sweets. Nothing packaged or with preservatives. Fast forward to when he moved out at 18 (well, really 21 after college). He has had a steady diet of crap ever since - Little Debbies, McDonalds, etc. I've literally never seen him eat anything natural as an adult (no, he's not fat either...just eats like a slob). It cracks me up every time. |
Anonymous
OP here-if you have read this thread then this would not remind you of your cousin. I could care less if he eats cookies and candy even within reason. It was a specific food that I wanted avoided and I believe that I have solved the issue and my DS and my MIL are onboard so all is good !! That does sound like a recipe for disaster and I bet your cousin couldn't wait to be allowed to have all of that stuff. |