what to do when restricting foods and finding out MIL giving it to child anyway

[Anonymous]

1. I think it's a load of horseshit that you think your kid's "tantrum" is the result of a package of gummies. Lighten the fuck up.

2. I think you MIL should respect your nutso wishes. You are the parent. It's your kid.

3. If she doesn't respect them, not much you can do, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. I think it's a load of horseshit that you think your kid's "tantrum" is the result of a package of gummies. Lighten the fuck up.

2. I think you MIL should respect your nutso wishes. You are the parent. It's your kid.

3. If she doesn't respect them, not much you can do, IMO.

This cracked me up! I do feel after posting here that I have lightened up. Thanks for your time.

[Anonymous]

1. I think it's a load of horseshit that you think your kid's "tantrum" is the result of a package of gummies. Lighten the fuck up.

2. I think you MIL should respect your nutso wishes. You are the parent. It's your kid.

3. If she doesn't respect them, not much you can do, IMO.

I think it is a load of horseshit that you think you have any idea about every kid and how they react to things. (not OP) get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Load your kid up with the forbidden foods. Then drop off at grandmas. Once she sees the reaction, she won't do it again.

Or, just stop taking the kid to grandmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

1. I think it's a load of horseshit that you think your kid's "tantrum" is the result of a package of gummies. Lighten the fuck up.

2. I think you MIL should respect your nutso wishes. You are the parent. It's your kid.

3. If she doesn't respect them, not much you can do, IMO.

I think it is a load of horseshit that you think you have any idea about every kid and how they react to things. (not OP) get over yourself.

Certainly I don't. But, let's use some common sense here. Honestly. It's not rocket science. I suspect there is a study somewhere that affirms, barring an allergy, 99.9% of children do not have tantrums, post gummy ingestion. OP loves her kid. We all do. ILs giving our kids crap we don't want them to have is lifelong battle. I know. I once wrestled a (king size!) snickers bar my FIL who tried to give to my kid when she 1 yr old. But, sometimes, it's just a pack of gummies and it's just not worth a fight.

[Anonymous]

Empty stomach, no protein, hypoglycemia = tantrum. No, it's not rocket science. Blood sugar drops are easily equated to tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Can you buy here some no dye gummies- i am sure they are out there. We know a 5 year old that reacts to red dye like that and they have to fight family and school snacks, but they treat it as an allergy

[Anonymous]

Your kid, your rules. If she won't obey your rules, find a caregiver who will. You may have to pay to find one, however.

I don't think this is some harmless oversight. She is being intentionally sneaky. Maybe she doesn't agree with your diet choices for your child. Maybe she thinks, "give the kid some freaking candy for goodness sakes". Doesn't matter why.

Let her know that if she continues to break the rules about your child's diet, she will no longer be a caregiver for your child. Obviously grandma is welcome to visit YOU at your home any time to see DC (when you are home) but she won't have DC alone anymore. And then follow through.

You've got a lot to learn about communicating clear expectations and insisting that your boundaries be respected now that you are a parent. Get used to it. Sometimes you have to do things that make you uncomfortable for the sake of your child. If you truly believe the diet is that important - make it happen.

[Anonymous]

I'm with OP on this one. This would really bother me. I agree that it should be up to DH to have this conversation with his mother. I don't like all the sugary foods my in-laws give my kids, but they live on the other side of the country and only see them 2-3 times a year so I totally let it go the weeks they are here. I get that grandparents should get to spoil them a little, but if this were happening weekly or regularly, I'd have to put my foot down. What bothered me more than the food was the fact that MIL wanted it to be a secret - sounds like a power play on her part. Now you get to be the bad cop - ugh.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have no idea whether sugar or food dye causes a tantrum. And I have no idea whether you are controlling or not. But I do know that if you told your MIL several times not to give your child something and then she did, THAT'S A PROBLEM.

Address it directly with DH right there with you. Here's how to start:
"Madge, I have shared on several occassions that I do not want Larla to have sugary gummies and candy. My understanding is that you agreed to honor that. Recently, we have learned that you have given Larla candy, including last week at your house and then again giving her skittles at the movies. What's up with that?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know ... I think you sound a bit controlling. Kids have tantrums over lots of stuff and at all sorts of times. It could just have been the transition.

Why not let your kid stay over night with this grandparent so they can see the outcome themselves?

Agree.

Besides, isn't that what grandparents are supposed to do, and have done since forever?

Way over reacting mom. Newbie mistake.

[Anonymous]

My general rule of thumb in parenting is to take the LONG view if possible. I would not fret the gummies. Ease up on restrictions in general. Don't draw lines in the sand with people (even MILs) or with issues that aren't the big ones.

Your MIL is giving DC a little bit of some sugary foods.
I just would let it go. Go to yoga every time you feel the need to control wash over you instead! Anxiety is a tough thing, and you run the risk of having your DC be the locus of it. Anxiety is also "catching" within families, so your DC may become an anxious person if you are not able to wind down on such topics. I am guessing the Skittles are just the tip of the iceberg.

My kids are grown, so it is easier to have the long view in mind from where I sit. It is also easier for your MIL. That's why the small stuff does not matter so much as we age. I would think my DIL was a bit over-the-top about sugar and would think she was wound tightly over things that don't matter.

Please do not confront your MIL over this. Let it go. Focus on yourself and trying to get to the bottom of why you are parenting the way you are and the role that anxiety plays in that. Keep the bigger picture in mind. Focus more on preserving relationships than on preservatives.

[Anonymous]

Your kid sounds like a brat and you sound like a nutcase. Get a nanny and you can micromanage all you want.

[Anonymous]

don't ever make anything the "forbidden fruit"

I once let my 7 year old load up on cookies at a party. He got an upset stomach and diarrhea for two days. Then when he was going to grandma's for a week a month later. I reminded him what happens when he ate too many cookies. He was fine and can make his own wise choices now.

I also let them purge on Halloween candy. A once a year reminder of how it feels to eat too much candy doesn't hurt. After a few years they can self control. My 6th grader ends up now giving me half his candy!!

Grandma's can't be Grandma's if they are your everyday free daycare. One a week treats are fine. But find other daycare if this is an everyday item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have no idea whether sugar or food dye causes a tantrum. And I have no idea whether you are controlling or not. But I do know that if you told your MIL several times not to give your child something and then she did, THAT'S A PROBLEM.

Address it directly with DH right there with you. Here's how to start:
"Madge, I have shared on several occassions that I do not want Larla to have sugary gummies and candy. My understanding is that you agreed to honor that. Recently, we have learned that you have given Larla candy, including last week at your house and then again giving her skittles at the movies. What's up with that?"

Yeah, the problem here is that your MIL is not listening to how you want to raise your child. If you address it with her, don't try to convince her you are correct about gummies being dangerous. You're not going to win her over with your logic, nor should you have to. The point is that you made it clear you didn't want her to give your kid gummies and she did it any way, which made you feel disrespected.