what to do when restricting foods and finding out MIL giving it to child anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know where you are coming from. My child turns into a devil monster if I give him juice. He seems to be outgrowing it but it has been a struggle when I don't want to give it to him and have others push it down my throat.

I agree with the PP who said find something she can give. Raisins/yogurt raisins? Annie's organic gummies? get them to make their own together? If you supply an alternative then she won't have a reason to give it to DD.

Those all still have sugar. How would that help OP?

Well OP said that the child doesn't handle sugary foods well that have food coloring. If this is not a battle that is going to be completely won, then offering something like Annie's gummies or other brands that do not have food coloring/dyes but will still count as candy with Grandma might be a good compromise. The child clearly doesn't get a lot of sugar (no judgment, we're not big on sugar, either) so anything that approximates candy is going to be a big hit with the kid and therefore with Grandma, who probably doesn't have any particular brand loyalty but wants to spoil the kid. OP, you might also suggest that when Grandma gives candy/treats, that she pair it with a protein (cheese stick is easy) because it will lessen the effects of the candy on the blood sugar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it, it is annoying when ILs don't follow your instructions. But I agree with a pp that it's kind of just what they do. My ILs love to give my kids Cokes and candy and then be all in conspiracy together about it, with me as the straight man. Oh well.

I love the person who wrote this. DCUM is nice when you can just get someone to relate even if there is no perfect solution so I really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know where you are coming from. My child turns into a devil monster if I give him juice. He seems to be outgrowing it but it has been a struggle when I don't want to give it to him and have others push it down my throat.

I agree with the PP who said find something she can give. Raisins/yogurt raisins? Annie's organic gummies? get them to make their own together? If you supply an alternative then she won't have a reason to give it to DD.

Thanks! I don't hate the idea of yogurt raisins in small amounts. She tells me that she is going the other way--I will only give crackers with cheese, etc. I tried to explain that it doesn't have to be ALL or nothing. (because I don't think it's true anyway!)

[Anonymous]

It is the food coloring and also many preservatives! I agree with OP 100%. I try to avoid all food coloring and other crazy chemicals for my kids. It is an uphill battle. My DH does not agree that these types of chemicals cause bad behavior, but I have been home with my three kids for several years now and I have witnessed this first hand. Also, the teachers and playground monitors and grandma give out the fake food all the time too. I say - give her some all natural gummy substitutes. Tell her - give the child chocolate or homemade cookies or cheese, etc. Anything but the fake food that is filled with chemicals. I am not a nut. I am not gluten free or any of that, but studies have shown a like between hyperactivity and food coloring and preservatives like BHT. I make my kids' regular lunches (sandwiches, chips, etc.) but I avoid soda and gross fake candy.

[Anonymous]

^^Sometimes DCUM is from Mars, and I am from Venus. I don't want to divorce my husband over his annoying habit, I just want to bitch about it and see if anyone else has a similar experience. I don't feel comfortable airing this stuff to my friends or family too much.

[Anonymous]

Divorce your husband, then the MIL problem will be moot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-I was out and didn't have the drink with me because I hadn't come from home. I made that comment because we didn't grow up constantly having drinks and snacks in the car for ten minute drives and I am always overly prepared so I have created an expectation which is my fault but the last few times I have picked up I haven't had the drink with me and I tell MIL I am coming without drinks and snacks so give a drink before if thirsty.

I don't want to freak out on her so I am going to have to remind her the next time. I do make other suggestions so that she can still give a "treat" without having it be that one that seems to really get child wound up.

You are missing the point that other PPs are saying. If your daughter has the snack well before you pick her up and THEN she has the tantrum, then the tantrum is not caused by the snack. It is caused by something else, in this case, being tired and thirsty. You are clearly stuck on this sugar/food coloring issue and I'm betting it is for other reasons than the "it makes my kid meltdown." If you don't want your kid to have sugar and food coloring, then by all means, just admit it. But right now you sound overly controlling of food and hung up on it, when it truly doesn't sound like the gummies are causing your child to have a meltdown.

I was trying to correlate the behavior which we don't see often and over the years the only times I have ever seen the behavior was when that type of food was given which is why I logically connect that it was part of the cause. I am not restricting drinks. I am trying to stop bringing a grocery store of options in the car for snack but we have more drinks available than most people I know so I wish that part of the thead would end because it not an issue-honestly.

Possibly it is because of being tired. I just feel like maybe there is an education needed about sugar. FOr example-no clue that juice had so much sugar. I see everyone's point here and I appreciate your input.

You do need more education about sugar for sure. if your issue is about tooth decay or about the health aspect, that is fine. Make it about that. Although being very restrictive may come back to haunt you.

If you want to restrict drinks/snacks in the car - that is your choice and fine. Your child will survive just fine. However you need to link that to the behavior - she was tired and thirsty and hungry and not blame it on a gummy bear from a few hours earlier.

I don't feel restrictive at all. I am trying to get more aware so that my child doesn't develop bad eating habits. What do you give to your kids that shows moderation and not over-restricting?

"Once DC calmed down I said why did you get so upset-were you just tired? child nods. What did grandma give you? A smile comes out so I know it's something I wouldn't approve of. Then DC said a pack of gummies"

Having a big reaction to DC having been given gummies does not show moderation. Your DC even knows that you will react and that you will fish to find out if she had treats. That is making a big deal out of it. Your child isn't going to develop bad eating habits from having a treat with grandma once a week. You teach your child about different foods and about you can talk about why sugar is unhealthy and causes tooth decay. You can model and teach good eating habits at home and you can show that having a cookie or a gummy bear is okay now and then as a treat. You don't make a big deal of it with DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is the food coloring and also many preservatives! I agree with OP 100%. I try to avoid all food coloring and other crazy chemicals for my kids. It is an uphill battle. My DH does not agree that these types of chemicals cause bad behavior, but I have been home with my three kids for several years now and I have witnessed this first hand. Also, the teachers and playground monitors and grandma give out the fake food all the time too. I say - give her some all natural gummy substitutes. Tell her - give the child chocolate or homemade cookies or cheese, etc. Anything but the fake food that is filled with chemicals. I am not a nut. I am not gluten free or any of that, but studies have shown a like between hyperactivity and food coloring and preservatives like BHT. I make my kids' regular lunches (sandwiches, chips, etc.) but I avoid soda and gross fake candy.

Thank you. I said the other day-give cookies I don't care!

[Anonymous]

Child-is-a-devil-after-juice-poster here - thanks pp for explaining my suggestions of the raisins, etc. I should've put that in there but you did a better job than me. When we are around juice I just put it into a cup and water it down and make sure it looks like it has juice in it.

OP, here's my other problem. And I have to thank my sister for telling me a story about her own ILs to realize this. I don't want my child to be taught to keep secrets from me. My sister's ILs were giving the kids stuff and saying "it's our secret" or "don't tell your parents" but my sister felt like that laid a foundation for other things. I had never thought of it that way before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is the food coloring and also many preservatives! I agree with OP 100%. I try to avoid all food coloring and other crazy chemicals for my kids. It is an uphill battle. My DH does not agree that these types of chemicals cause bad behavior, but I have been home with my three kids for several years now and I have witnessed this first hand. Also, the teachers and playground monitors and grandma give out the fake food all the time too. I say - give her some all natural gummy substitutes. Tell her - give the child chocolate or homemade cookies or cheese, etc. Anything but the fake food that is filled with chemicals. I am not a nut. I am not gluten free or any of that, but studies have shown a like between hyperactivity and food coloring and preservatives like BHT. I make my kids' regular lunches (sandwiches, chips, etc.) but I avoid soda and gross fake candy.

Food coloring is not just found in candy. If you are avoiding food coloring then you also need to avoid many other foods including cereals, breads and many baked goods, canned vegetables, gelatin, mustard, pickles, chips, honey, sauces, soups, yogurts, cheese, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Child-is-a-devil-after-juice-poster here - thanks pp for explaining my suggestions of the raisins, etc. I should've put that in there but you did a better job than me. When we are around juice I just put it into a cup and water it down and make sure it looks like it has juice in it.

OP, here's my other problem. And I have to thank my sister for telling me a story about her own ILs to realize this. I don't want my child to be taught to keep secrets from me. My sister's ILs were giving the kids stuff and saying "it's our secret" or "don't tell your parents" but my sister felt like that laid a foundation for other things. I had never thought of it that way before.

Exactly-we give juice and water it down and we water down lemonade etc.

YES-This is one of my much bigger concerns. It's not safe to think it's ok for him to keep a secret with her. I have always told my child that we don't keep secrets from DH and DC knows how I feel about that. I had a Grandmother tell me something as a child and tell me not to tell anyone and until I cried for a long time and my mom got it out of me and told my Grandmother never to do that again. I am very sensitive about that because of that happening to me. She is a reasonable person and this will be totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Daily childcare shouldn't be doing this.
This is not gma coming over a couple times a month with candy. This is someone with your kid 8-10 hours a day teaching dietary habits, how to keep a secret, and trying to be best buds by doing stuff mommy doesn't like. Yuck.

DH better prioritize better who he offends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daily childcare shouldn't be doing this.
This is not gma coming over a couple times a month with candy. This is someone with your kid 8-10 hours a day teaching dietary habits, how to keep a secret, and trying to be best buds by doing stuff mommy doesn't like. Yuck.

DH better prioritize better who he offends.

PP=you have this all wrong. This is not primary childcare and it's an occasional babysitting situation with a treat that I would prefer child not have but it's not as dire as you are making it sound. DH comment I didn't follow. Your post did not make sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I meant by make their own: http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/post/42764785751

Nice activity and would hopefully not cause meltdown. Also, second the suggestion of telling MIL to give string cheese or something as part of the snack!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do what you'd do with any babysitter who doesn't follow you instructions on something this important: fire her.

Seriously, find and pay for better childcare.

DH should try a sit-down once, but be prepared to follow through with no more babysitting from her.

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