what to do when restricting foods and finding out MIL giving it to child anyway

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the not letting your child have water comment--I will never deny my kids water. Ever. It's one thing if you forget, but another if you're trying to make her less demanding?

How about you go to whole foods and buy grandma a big box of Annie's brand gummies (no artificial colors) and some snack packs of treats and grandma gets to look like a good guy and you don't get post red dye 40 meltdowns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chances are you are linking the food coloring and sugar to the behavior when often that isn't the case. it is now a set association in your mind so whenever you see bad behavior you look for sugar. Is your DC tantruming for grandma after she gives him the candy? If it is an actual reaction then it should be pretty apparent to grandma that after she gives him candy he loses control as she would see it. If it is a reaction he can't save it until back with you.

It is more likely that the excitement of the activity plus the everything out of routine plus being given forbidden treats is all contributing to your child acting up after being out with grandma.

Completely 100% agree with this. DD admitted to being thirsty and tired, causing her 10 min meltdown. But all you want to blame it on is sugar. If DD isn't having this reaction with Grandma then unless Grandma gives it to DD right before you pick her up, then her tantrum is not from the food coloring/sugar. Just admit you are overly controlling and deal with it. Either have her see grandma less or just get over it. I vote get over it and when your child is thirsty, give her water instead of withholding it and causing the tantrum (which in this case YOUR controlling behavior caused her tantrum).

[Anonymous]

OP here-I was out and didn't have the drink with me because I hadn't come from home. I made that comment because we didn't grow up constantly having drinks and snacks in the car for ten minute drives and I am always overly prepared so I have created an expectation which is my fault but the last few times I have picked up I haven't had the drink with me and I tell MIL I am coming without drinks and snacks so give a drink before if thirsty.

I don't want to freak out on her so I am going to have to remind her the next time. I do make other suggestions so that she can still give a "treat" without having it be that one that seems to really get child wound up.

[Anonymous]

You do sound a bit crazy. I am with you on the gummies but the thirsty in the car was a bit much. You can give your child water and it won't make them think there will always be snacking at every point in time.

Why not find gummies which you find acceptable and give them to your MIL so she can have a special treat for her grandchild who she clearly loves and you won't have to deal with tantrums (which we may need to discuss more). Make sure that the treat you pick in only available with your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here-I was out and didn't have the drink with me because I hadn't come from home. I made that comment because we didn't grow up constantly having drinks and snacks in the car for ten minute drives and I am always overly prepared so I have created an expectation which is my fault but the last few times I have picked up I haven't had the drink with me and I tell MIL I am coming without drinks and snacks so give a drink before if thirsty.

I don't want to freak out on her so I am going to have to remind her the next time. I do make other suggestions so that she can still give a "treat" without having it be that one that seems to really get child wound up.

You are missing the point that other PPs are saying. If your daughter has the snack well before you pick her up and THEN she has the tantrum, then the tantrum is not caused by the snack. It is caused by something else, in this case, being tired and thirsty. You are clearly stuck on this sugar/food coloring issue and I'm betting it is for other reasons than the "it makes my kid meltdown." If you don't want your kid to have sugar and food coloring, then by all means, just admit it. But right now you sound overly controlling of food and hung up on it, when it truly doesn't sound like the gummies are causing your child to have a meltdown.

[Anonymous]

Sugar does make children extremely thirsty. We used to give our kids gummies thinking that they were OK as a little treat because they are small. Turns out that the new reformulation of gummies (from what your mother ate when she was a kid) causes a film on the teeth that is nearly impossible to remove, and leads to tooth decay. Both our ped dentist and our ped told us this. They went as far as to say you would be better to spoon sugar from the sugar bowl! Do you think that your MIL would be open to learning this new fact?

[Anonymous]

They myth that sugar causes hyperactivity or meltdowns has been thoroughly debunked but still exists like an old wives tale.

Op relax. Likely if you stop making this such a big issue, you will see less reaction. The smirk your child gave you says a lot. They know how to push your buttons and know that you freak out about sugar. Your child now knows you expect them to act out after having treats.

If you want to test your theory, have a third party deconstruct some gummy bears (melt them down) and mix them without you or your child knowing into a really boring food - like into the water you cook the broccoli in, or into a bran muffin. Then they can assess if your child still reacted or if you even noticed your child being any different. Chances are you won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-I was out and didn't have the drink with me because I hadn't come from home. I made that comment because we didn't grow up constantly having drinks and snacks in the car for ten minute drives and I am always overly prepared so I have created an expectation which is my fault but the last few times I have picked up I haven't had the drink with me and I tell MIL I am coming without drinks and snacks so give a drink before if thirsty.

I don't want to freak out on her so I am going to have to remind her the next time. I do make other suggestions so that she can still give a "treat" without having it be that one that seems to really get child wound up.

You are missing the point that other PPs are saying. If your daughter has the snack well before you pick her up and THEN she has the tantrum, then the tantrum is not caused by the snack. It is caused by something else, in this case, being tired and thirsty. You are clearly stuck on this sugar/food coloring issue and I'm betting it is for other reasons than the "it makes my kid meltdown." If you don't want your kid to have sugar and food coloring, then by all means, just admit it. But right now you sound overly controlling of food and hung up on it, when it truly doesn't sound like the gummies are causing your child to have a meltdown.

I was trying to correlate the behavior which we don't see often and over the years the only times I have ever seen the behavior was when that type of food was given which is why I logically connect that it was part of the cause. I am not restricting drinks. I am trying to stop bringing a grocery store of options in the car for snack but we have more drinks available than most people I know so I wish that part of the thead would end because it not an issue-honestly.

Possibly it is because of being tired. I just feel like maybe there is an education needed about sugar. FOr example-no clue that juice had so much sugar. I see everyone's point here and I appreciate your input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sugar does make children extremely thirsty. We used to give our kids gummies thinking that they were OK as a little treat because they are small. Turns out that the new reformulation of gummies (from what your mother ate when she was a kid) causes a film on the teeth that is nearly impossible to remove, and leads to tooth decay. Both our ped dentist and our ped told us this. They went as far as to say you would be better to spoon sugar from the sugar bowl! Do you think that your MIL would be open to learning this new fact?

Thank you so much. I would love to find that article.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-I was out and didn't have the drink with me because I hadn't come from home. I made that comment because we didn't grow up constantly having drinks and snacks in the car for ten minute drives and I am always overly prepared so I have created an expectation which is my fault but the last few times I have picked up I haven't had the drink with me and I tell MIL I am coming without drinks and snacks so give a drink before if thirsty.

I don't want to freak out on her so I am going to have to remind her the next time. I do make other suggestions so that she can still give a "treat" without having it be that one that seems to really get child wound up.

You are missing the point that other PPs are saying. If your daughter has the snack well before you pick her up and THEN she has the tantrum, then the tantrum is not caused by the snack. It is caused by something else, in this case, being tired and thirsty. You are clearly stuck on this sugar/food coloring issue and I'm betting it is for other reasons than the "it makes my kid meltdown." If you don't want your kid to have sugar and food coloring, then by all means, just admit it. But right now you sound overly controlling of food and hung up on it, when it truly doesn't sound like the gummies are causing your child to have a meltdown.

I was trying to correlate the behavior which we don't see often and over the years the only times I have ever seen the behavior was when that type of food was given which is why I logically connect that it was part of the cause. I am not restricting drinks. I am trying to stop bringing a grocery store of options in the car for snack but we have more drinks available than most people I know so I wish that part of the thead would end because it not an issue-honestly.

Possibly it is because of being tired. I just feel like maybe there is an education needed about sugar. FOr example-no clue that juice had so much sugar. I see everyone's point here and I appreciate your input.

You do need more education about sugar for sure. if your issue is about tooth decay or about the health aspect, that is fine. Make it about that. Although being very restrictive may come back to haunt you.

If you want to restrict drinks/snacks in the car - that is your choice and fine. Your child will survive just fine. However you need to link that to the behavior - she was tired and thirsty and hungry and not blame it on a gummy bear from a few hours earlier.

[Anonymous]

http://www.consumethisfirst.com/2010/11/11/worst-food-of-the-week-fruit-snacks/

Found this..

[Anonymous]

OP, I know where you are coming from. My child turns into a devil monster if I give him juice. He seems to be outgrowing it but it has been a struggle when I don't want to give it to him and have others push it down my throat.

I agree with the PP who said find something she can give. Raisins/yogurt raisins? Annie's organic gummies? get them to make their own together? If you supply an alternative then she won't have a reason to give it to DD.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it, it is annoying when ILs don't follow your instructions. But I agree with a pp that it's kind of just what they do. My ILs love to give my kids Cokes and candy and then be all in conspiracy together about it, with me as the straight man. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know where you are coming from. My child turns into a devil monster if I give him juice. He seems to be outgrowing it but it has been a struggle when I don't want to give it to him and have others push it down my throat.

I agree with the PP who said find something she can give. Raisins/yogurt raisins? Annie's organic gummies? get them to make their own together? If you supply an alternative then she won't have a reason to give it to DD.

Those all still have sugar. How would that help OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-I was out and didn't have the drink with me because I hadn't come from home. I made that comment because we didn't grow up constantly having drinks and snacks in the car for ten minute drives and I am always overly prepared so I have created an expectation which is my fault but the last few times I have picked up I haven't had the drink with me and I tell MIL I am coming without drinks and snacks so give a drink before if thirsty.

I don't want to freak out on her so I am going to have to remind her the next time. I do make other suggestions so that she can still give a "treat" without having it be that one that seems to really get child wound up.

You are missing the point that other PPs are saying. If your daughter has the snack well before you pick her up and THEN she has the tantrum, then the tantrum is not caused by the snack. It is caused by something else, in this case, being tired and thirsty. You are clearly stuck on this sugar/food coloring issue and I'm betting it is for other reasons than the "it makes my kid meltdown." If you don't want your kid to have sugar and food coloring, then by all means, just admit it. But right now you sound overly controlling of food and hung up on it, when it truly doesn't sound like the gummies are causing your child to have a meltdown.

I was trying to correlate the behavior which we don't see often and over the years the only times I have ever seen the behavior was when that type of food was given which is why I logically connect that it was part of the cause. I am not restricting drinks. I am trying to stop bringing a grocery store of options in the car for snack but we have more drinks available than most people I know so I wish that part of the thead would end because it not an issue-honestly.

Possibly it is because of being tired. I just feel like maybe there is an education needed about sugar. FOr example-no clue that juice had so much sugar. I see everyone's point here and I appreciate your input.

You do need more education about sugar for sure. if your issue is about tooth decay or about the health aspect, that is fine. Make it about that. Although being very restrictive may come back to haunt you.

If you want to restrict drinks/snacks in the car - that is your choice and fine. Your child will survive just fine. However you need to link that to the behavior - she was tired and thirsty and hungry and not blame it on a gummy bear from a few hours earlier.

I don't feel restrictive at all. I am trying to get more aware so that my child doesn't develop bad eating habits. What do you give to your kids that shows moderation and not over-restricting?