Adopted Brother gone crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bio family (at least mother) HAS screwed up. She gave him fetal alcohol syndrome. How much worse does she have to be?

Yup! Not exactly a blank slate there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bio family (at least mother) HAS screwed up. She gave him fetal alcohol syndrome. How much worse does she have to be?

She was 15 when she had him; 14 when she got pregnant, or thereabouts. Maybe the son realizes his birth mother can be forgiven for having been a troubled young teen. She was a child, and most kids who are emotionally healthy don't drink enough to give a baby FES. Then she has to go through the trauma of surrendering her baby to an adoptive family. I think she's probably suffered more than enough penance for drinking as a kid, and maybe, just maybe, she and her son may find some peace and healing together. Why his sister can't step back from her own concerns and just be happy for him is sad.

[Anonymous]

She may have suffered enough but FAS has no cure and her son suffers a lifetime. In any event, OP isn't suggesting he not have a relationship with his bio mom but expresses concern for rash decision and action that is seemingly not well thought out or planned (not unusual with FAS) and his callous disregard for the family that raised him, supported him and loved him for a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bio family (at least mother) HAS screwed up. She gave him fetal alcohol syndrome. How much worse does she have to be?

She was 15 when she had him; 14 when she got pregnant, or thereabouts. Maybe the son realizes his birth mother can be forgiven for having been a troubled young teen. She was a child, and most kids who are emotionally healthy don't drink enough to give a baby FES. Then she has to go through the trauma of surrendering her baby to an adoptive family. I think she's probably suffered more than enough penance for drinking as a kid, and maybe, just maybe, she and her son may find some peace and healing together. Why his sister can't step back from her own concerns and just be happy for him is sad.

Poor babies! Why can't everyone back off and only show up when they are asked to lend some money or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bio family (at least mother) HAS screwed up. She gave him fetal alcohol syndrome. How much worse does she have to be?

Yup! Not exactly a blank slate there.

I would like to think that the adoptive parents are nice people and have better things to do than bash the birth parents.
And I would also like to think that they do not refer to the brother as adopted brother, but maybe brother
And it would be nice if the word crazy was not used either, there are medical terms for all kinds of illnesses, crazy does not apply hee

All we know is what the op is saying, but there must be more to the story. Why is the adoptive so offended by a facebook post? What is the big deal for a grown man to move to California? People move all the time.
I get the impression you are making a mountain out of a molehill, and talk bad about this brother, and his bio mother that you know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bio family (at least mother) HAS screwed up. She gave him fetal alcohol syndrome. How much worse does she have to be?

Yup! Not exactly a blank slate there.

I would like to think that the adoptive parents are nice people and have better things to do than bash the birth parents.
And I would also like to think that they do not refer to the brother as adopted brother, but maybe brother
And it would be nice if the word crazy was not used either, there are medical terms for all kinds of illnesses, crazy does not apply hee

All we know is what the op is saying, but there must be more to the story. Why is the adoptive so offended by a facebook post? What is the big deal for a grown man to move to California? People move all the time.
I get the impression you are making a mountain out of a molehill, and talk bad about this brother, and his bio mother that you know nothing about.

I might not know much, but at least I stick to the case as presented by seemingly reasonable OP. Everything you believe is invented out of the whole cloth. Sure, there is more to the story but no evidence whatsoever that ''more' would make OP's brother appear any better. The very fact that an adult man with his own family would move to be closer to his long lost bio family makes him at the very least immature in my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bio family (at least mother) HAS screwed up. She gave him fetal alcohol syndrome. How much worse does she have to be?

Yup! Not exactly a blank slate there.

I would like to think that the adoptive parents are nice people and have better things to do than bash the birth parents.
And I would also like to think that they do not refer to the brother as adopted brother, but maybe brother
And it would be nice if the word crazy was not used either, there are medical terms for all kinds of illnesses, crazy does not apply hee

All we know is what the op is saying, but there must be more to the story. Why is the adoptive so offended by a facebook post? What is the big deal for a grown man to move to California? People move all the time.
I get the impression you are making a mountain out of a molehill, and talk bad about this brother, and his bio mother that you know nothing about.

I might not know much, but at least I stick to the case as presented by seemingly reasonable OP. Everything you believe is invented out of the whole cloth. Sure, there is more to the story but no evidence whatsoever that ''more' would make OP's brother appear any better. The very fact that an adult man with his own family would move to be closer to his long lost bio family makes him at the very least immature in my eyes.

But why? Life is short. He's been separated from these peoPle his whole life. Maybe he has clicked with them and really feels at home with them, more than he ever did with his adoptive family. (Honestly, judging from his sister, they sound possessive, threatened, and as if they expect gratitude from him because they saved him from his bio mom. Adoptive children don't owe parents more gratitude than children in general.) So maybe he feels some emotional and physical distance from his adoptive family would be healthier.

[Anonymous]

Pp you are projecting again...

[Anonymous]

The adoptive family calls him crazy.
The adoptive family says the move to California is to be close to birth mom, but it could be as simple as a career move. The adopted family has not said one kimd word about the brother

[Anonymous]

You people have no idea what you are talking about and most of you are projecting wildly based on feelings and experiences that you think are relevant but that are not. I really hope the OP is long gone (and not reading this craziness) and that she has taken the advice to get help from a trained therapist.

For the rest of you, here's some information about the stages and psychology of reunion that may help you understand some of the things that actually could be going on:

http://www.originscanada.org/stages-of-reunion/

http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/stages-of-reunion

Adoption reunion is considerably more complicated than any of you seem to think. Your wild speculation is only going to confuse the OP, who needs real help. Please be more judicious in your comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bio family (at least mother) HAS screwed up. She gave him fetal alcohol syndrome. How much worse does she have to be?

Yup! Not exactly a blank slate there.

I would like to think that the adoptive parents are nice people and have better things to do than bash the birth parents.
And I would also like to think that they do not refer to the brother as adopted brother, but maybe brother
And it would be nice if the word crazy was not used either, there are medical terms for all kinds of illnesses, crazy does not apply hee

All we know is what the op is saying, but there must be more to the story. Why is the adoptive so offended by a facebook post? What is the big deal for a grown man to move to California? People move all the time.
I get the impression you are making a mountain out of a molehill, and talk bad about this brother, and his bio mother that you know nothing about.

I might not know much, but at least I stick to the case as presented by seemingly reasonable OP. Everything you believe is invented out of the whole cloth. Sure, there is more to the story but no evidence whatsoever that ''more' would make OP's brother appear any better. The very fact that an adult man with his own family would move to be closer to his long lost bio family makes him at the very least immature in my eyes.

But why? Life is short. He's been separated from these peoPle his whole life. Maybe he has clicked with them and really feels at home with them, more than he ever did with his adoptive family. (Honestly, judging from his sister, they sound possessive, threatened, and as if they expect gratitude from him because they saved him from his bio mom. Adoptive children don't owe parents more gratitude than children in general.) So maybe he feels some emotional and physical distance from his adoptive family would be healthier.

Why? Because at 35 with 3 kids, clicking with a bunch of strangers should not be on the top of one's list of priorities. And I totally agree that adoptive children do not owe their parents more gratitude than bio children. Just make that, not more, no less. An analogous behavior by a bio child would be equally reprehensible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because at 35 with 3 kids, clicking with a bunch of strangers should not be on the top of one's list of priorities. And I totally agree that adoptive children do not owe their parents more gratitude than bio children. Just make that, not more, no less. An analogous behavior by a bio child would be equally reprehensible.

You sound bitter
I doubt he thinks of them as strangers. A bio child cannot have analogous behavior. This about adoption and reunion, and an adoption reunion is not about putting the bio parents on a guilt trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people have no idea what you are talking about and most of you are projecting wildly based on feelings and experiences that you think are relevant but that are not. I really hope the OP is long gone (and not reading this craziness) and that she has taken the advice to get help from a trained therapist.

For the rest of you, here's some information about the stages and psychology of reunion that may help you understand some of the things that actually could be going on:

http://www.originscanada.org/stages-of-reunion/

http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/stages-of-reunion

Adoption reunion is considerably more complicated than any of you seem to think. Your wild speculation is only going to confuse the OP, who needs real help. Please be more judicious in your comments.

Self-proclaimed expert who is the only one who grasps the complexity of this: I have my own valid experience as someone reunited with my bio sister. I get to have an opinion, and OP asked for it. It won't damage her to know that some people think her brother's actions may BR reasonable and her attitude and tone are out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because at 35 with 3 kids, clicking with a bunch of strangers should not be on the top of one's list of priorities. And I totally agree that adoptive children do not owe their parents more gratitude than bio children. Just make that, not more, no less. An analogous behavior by a bio child would be equally reprehensible.

You sound bitter
I doubt he thinks of them as strangers. A bio child cannot have analogous behavior. This about adoption and reunion, and an adoption reunion is not about putting the bio parents on a guilt trip

Um, no. You, on the other hand, sound like you are taking this personally. Are you adopted?

You (or OPs brother) don't get to decide what "this" is about. It's not only about him and his bio family. It's also about his adoptive family, wife, kids... His actions affect them, and he should take that into account - otherwise he is a narcissistic asshole.

[Anonymous]

So the adoptive family comes first and adoptees at 35 are narcisstic assholes. Do you perhaps think the adoptive parents are narcisstic?