Adopted Brother gone crazy?

[Anonymous]

I wasn't the PP who originated the "ungrateful brat" comment, but I did concur with it. And no, it wasn't intended as a compliment. Rather it was to point out to the adoptee who bragged about how wonderful and how much better the newly discovered bio-family was that perhaps s/he was lacking some appreciation for the people who had actually done the day to day difficult job of parenting.

And before some of the readers on this thread start saying that adopted children shouldn't feel be made to feel "grateful" for being adopted, that is not my point at all. Rather, ALL children (regardless of whether adopted or biological) should arrive in adulthood with some basic appreciation for the parents who loved, fed, clothed, housed, educated, and nursed them to adulthood. That's just demonstrating maturity and decency.

And (assuming you didn't grow up in an abusive household), if you don't arrive at ages 22 to 25 with the understanding that while your parents may not be perfect people, they did in fact deliver you to adulthood and are worthy of your respect and consideration, then---you are indeed an "ungrateful brat".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't the PP who originated the "ungrateful brat" comment, but I did concur with it. And no, it wasn't intended as a compliment. Rather it was to point out to the adoptee who bragged about how wonderful and how much better the newly discovered bio-family was that perhaps s/he was lacking some appreciation for the people who had actually done the day to day difficult job of parenting.

And before some of the readers on this thread start saying that adopted children shouldn't feel be made to feel "grateful" for being adopted, that is not my point at all. Rather, ALL children (regardless of whether adopted or biological) should arrive in adulthood with some basic appreciation for the parents who loved, fed, clothed, housed, educated, and nursed them to adulthood. That's just demonstrating maturity and decency.

And (assuming you didn't grow up in an abusive household), if you don't arrive at ages 22 to 25 with the understanding that while your parents may not be perfect people, they did in fact deliver you to adulthood and are worthy of your respect and consideration, then---you are indeed an "ungrateful brat".

+1

[Anonymous]

You all are seriously mistaken if you think adoptive parents are all wonderful people. Many of them make a clear distinction between natural born children and adopted children. Many deal with regret for adopting when things get difficult and the child notices. Enough of that as a young child is enough to leave a lasting mark, just like biological parents can damage children in the same situation.

[Anonymous]

No one here has said all adoptive parents are wonderful. What people are sting is that it families there should be basic consideration for how our actions effect other members of the family. Under the specific facts presented by op, her brother is acting selfishly and callously toward the members of his family.

[Anonymous]

So uprooting the wife and kids to be with people that are (to them) a bunch of strangers?

Methinks there's more conflict in the adoptive family than OP is letting on, but that's just me.

Thing is, it might've been subtle stuff that OP just didn't notice over the years and that (for whatever reason) the adoptive brother isn't sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So uprooting the wife and kids to be with people that are (to them) a bunch of strangers?

Methinks there's more conflict in the adoptive family than OP is letting on, but that's just me.

Thing is, it might've been subtle stuff that OP just didn't notice over the years and that (for whatever reason) the adoptive brother isn't sharing.

I am sure bio family is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, since the bio mom gave him FAS--she's a real gem of a human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are seriously mistaken if you think adoptive parents are all wonderful people. Many of them make a clear distinction between natural born children and adopted children. Many deal with regret for adopting when things get difficult and the child notices. Enough of that as a young child is enough to leave a lasting mark, just like biological parents can damage children in the same situation.

Even if the adopted parents do a great job in not making distinctions between adoptive and natural children, the adoptive child/adult can still be left with feelings that they don't really belong and feel much more at home with bio relatives that they didn't meet until adulthood. Genetics are a powerful thing, something that even many years of time, sacrifice and love might not be able to match.

[Anonymous]

All children are natural, whether adopted or biological.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are seriously mistaken if you think adoptive parents are all wonderful people. Many of them make a clear distinction between natural born children and adopted children. Many deal with regret for adopting when things get difficult and the child notices. Enough of that as a young child is enough to leave a lasting mark, just like biological parents can damage children in the same situation.

Even if the adopted parents do a great job in not making distinctions between adoptive and natural children, the adoptive child/adult can still be left with feelings that they don't really belong and feel much more at home with bio relatives that they didn't meet until adulthood. Genetics are a powerful thing, something that even many years of time, sacrifice and love might not be able to match.

That's fine, but doesn't justify treating one's adoptive family like crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
You all are seriously mistaken if you think adoptive parents are all wonderful people. Many of them make a clear distinction between natural born children and adopted children. Many deal with regret for adopting when things get difficult and the child notices. Enough of that as a young child is enough to leave a lasting mark, just like biological parents can damage children in the same situation.


Even if the adopted parents do a great job in not making distinctions between adoptive and natural children, the adoptive child/adult can still be left with feelings that they don't really belong and feel much more at home with bio relatives that they didn't meet until adulthood. Genetics are a powerful thing, something that even many years of time, sacrifice and love might not be able to match.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Oops. That at exactly was meant for 9:48's response to 9:36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So uprooting the wife and kids to be with people that are (to them) a bunch of strangers?

Methinks there's more conflict in the adoptive family than OP is letting on, but that's just me.

Thing is, it might've been subtle stuff that OP just didn't notice over the years and that (for whatever reason) the adoptive brother isn't sharing.

I am sure bio family is perfect.

Maybe, but they haven't had a chance to screw up yet. It's like a guy/girl always being compared to a past bf/gf that died -- how can you compete against that?

[Anonymous]

Bio family (at least mother) HAS screwed up. She gave him fetal alcohol syndrome. How much worse does she have to be?

[Anonymous]

Facebook doesn't have the option for him to put his birth mom as a birth mom or to just say that she is another family member, likewise the options for sister are limited to sister.