Adopted Brother gone crazy?

[Anonymous]

No one has suggested that the adoptive family "comes first". You obviously have unresolved issues regarding adoption that you need to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one has suggested that the adoptive family "comes first". You obviously have unresolved issues regarding adoption that you need to address.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the adoptive family comes first and adoptees at 35 are narcisstic assholes. Do you perhaps think the adoptive parents are narcisstic?

It sounds like you can't grasp the idea that several people's needs can be important at the same time. Every time you are told that it is not 100% about the brother, and others matter, too, you conclude that then, we must be for the other extreme, like he doesn't matter at all, and it's 100% abut needs of adoptive family . You really need to learn some nuance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is he being cruel? He has 2 mothers, so what is the big deal?

No he doesn't. His mother raised him. Some other woman gave birth to him, but she is not his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people have no idea what you are talking about and most of you are projecting wildly based on feelings and experiences that you think are relevant but that are not. I really hope the OP is long gone (and not reading this craziness) and that she has taken the advice to get help from a trained therapist.

For the rest of you, here's some information about the stages and psychology of reunion that may help you understand some of the things that actually could be going on:

http://www.originscanada.org/stages-of-reunion/

http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/stages-of-reunion

Adoption reunion is considerably more complicated than any of you seem to think. Your wild speculation is only going to confuse the OP, who needs real help. Please be more judicious in your comments.

Self-proclaimed expert who is the only one who grasps the complexity of this: I have my own valid experience as someone reunited with my bio sister. I get to have an opinion, and OP asked for it. It won't damage her to know that some people think her brother's actions may BR reasonable and her attitude and tone are out of line.

Hey opinionated adopted person - your own experience is just that. And you still seem really angry so I'm not sure you're experience and opinions are those of a person who handled your own reunion all that well. And yes, it will damage the OP to have her feelings invalidated and trashed as you seem bound and determined to do. (You think your feelings are valid but the OPs aren't???) You don't seem to recognize that reunion affects the whole family and the family's feelings about it are also valid - as are the feelings of the bioparents and any biosiblings. Reunion affects a lot of people. The adoptee is not the only person who matters. The bigger question is - How come you don't know this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people have no idea what you are talking about and most of you are projecting wildly based on feelings and experiences that you think are relevant but that are not. I really hope the OP is long gone (and not reading this craziness) and that she has taken the advice to get help from a trained therapist.

For the rest of you, here's some information about the stages and psychology of reunion that may help you understand some of the things that actually could be going on:

http://www.originscanada.org/stages-of-reunion/

http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/stages-of-reunion

Adoption reunion is considerably more complicated than any of you seem to think. Your wild speculation is only going to confuse the OP, who needs real help. Please be more judicious in your comments.

Self-proclaimed expert who is the only one who grasps the complexity of this: I have my own valid experience as someone reunited with my bio sister. I get to have an opinion, and OP asked for it. It won't damage her to know that some people think her brother's actions may BR reasonable and her attitude and tone are out of line.

Hey opinionated adopted person - your own experience is just that. And you still seem really angry so I'm not sure you're experience and opinions are those of a person who handled your own reunion all that well. And yes, it will damage the OP to have her feelings invalidated and trashed as you seem bound and determined to do. (You think your feelings are valid but the OPs aren't???) You don't seem to recognize that reunion affects the whole family and the family's feelings about it are also valid - as are the feelings of the bioparents and any biosiblings. Reunion affects a lot of people. The adoptee is not the only person who matters. The bigger question is - How come you don't know this?

PP here. Who ever said that no one else mattered? Furthermore, who ever said I was an adopted person?

I was reunited with my bio sister, who was surrendered by my mother as a teenager. My mom had been raped by her adult boss at an after school job. My grandmother sent her away to a home for unwed girls and the pregnancy was kept secret. My mom's heart was broken from not being supported or believed after the assault, then broken again at being pressured to give up her child.

When my sister found us, it was a wonderful thing for all of us in our family and for our sister, but her adoptive family did not take it well. Her mom actually told her that adopting her was a mistake and showed her paperwork that showed they actually tried to return her to Catholic Charities when she became very ill soon after placement. Her two other siblings were also adopted but she was the odd man out for whatever reason and always felt rejected and belittled as a child. Basically, her adoptive family are a bunch of assholes and crackpots. When she found our mom, her family stopped speaking to her, and that was simply at the stage when we had only reconnected by phone.

She felt welcomed and accepted in our family for the first time in her life. My dad embraced her like she was his own long lost daughter. My sister will always be sad that her family. So, yeah, I empathize with OP's brother and wonder if there's a reason he's eager to get to his new family.

[Anonymous]

16:50 You are projecting your siblings story on to OP. It isn incredibly insensitive.

[Anonymous]

NP here. We are only getting one side of the story here. No doubt the brother'sversion would be quite different.

Adoption is not all unicorns and rainbows. Many adoptees, regardless of how wonderful their adoptive families are, feel a profound sense of emptiness and loss due to their adoption. You may think this is ungrateful but it's real. It doesn't make them crazy. OP doesn't seem to grasp this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. We are only getting one side of the story here. No doubt the brother'sversion would be quite different.

Adoption is not all unicorns and rainbows. Many adoptees, regardless of how wonderful their adoptive families are, feel a profound sense of emptiness and loss due to their adoption. You may think this is ungrateful but it's real. It doesn't make them crazy. OP doesn't seem to grasp this.

Feelings can be real yet acting on them ungrateful (or crazy) nevertheless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people have no idea what you are talking about and most of you are projecting wildly based on feelings and experiences that you think are relevant but that are not. I really hope the OP is long gone (and not reading this craziness) and that she has taken the advice to get help from a trained therapist.

For the rest of you, here's some information about the stages and psychology of reunion that may help you understand some of the things that actually could be going on:

http://www.originscanada.org/stages-of-reunion/

http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/stages-of-reunion

Adoption reunion is considerably more complicated than any of you seem to think. Your wild speculation is only going to confuse the OP, who needs real help. Please be more judicious in your comments.

Self-proclaimed expert who is the only one who grasps the complexity of this: I have my own valid experience as someone reunited with my bio sister. I get to have an opinion, and OP asked for it. It won't damage her to know that some people think her brother's actions may BR reasonable and her attitude and tone are out of line.

Hey opinionated adopted person - your own experience is just that. And you still seem really angry so I'm not sure you're experience and opinions are those of a person who handled your own reunion all that well. And yes, it will damage the OP to have her feelings invalidated and trashed as you seem bound and determined to do. (You think your feelings are valid but the OPs aren't???) You don't seem to recognize that reunion affects the whole family and the family's feelings about it are also valid - as are the feelings of the bioparents and any biosiblings. Reunion affects a lot of people. The adoptee is not the only person who matters. The bigger question is - How come you don't know this?

PP here. Who ever said that no one else mattered? Furthermore, who ever said I was an adopted person?

I was reunited with my bio sister, who was surrendered by my mother as a teenager. My mom had been raped by her adult boss at an after school job. My grandmother sent her away to a home for unwed girls and the pregnancy was kept secret. My mom's heart was broken from not being supported or believed after the assault, then broken again at being pressured to give up her child.

When my sister found us, it was a wonderful thing for all of us in our family and for our sister, but her adoptive family did not take it well. Her mom actually told her that adopting her was a mistake and showed her paperwork that showed they actually tried to return her to Catholic Charities when she became very ill soon after placement. Her two other siblings were also adopted but she was the odd man out for whatever reason and always felt rejected and belittled as a child. Basically, her adoptive family are a bunch of assholes and crackpots. When she found our mom, her family stopped speaking to her, and that was simply at the stage when we had only reconnected by phone.

She felt welcomed and accepted in our family for the first time in her life. My dad embraced her like she was his own long lost daughter. My sister will always be sad that her family. So, yeah, I empathize with OP's brother and wonder if there's a reason he's eager to get to his new family.

I am sorry for what your sister went through, but this just confirms what people have been saying all along - that your experience is clouding your judgment and that your projecting issues you are familiar with to cases that have nothing whatsoever in common with them.

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP, your adopted brother has a deep need to get to know his maternal side now. He essentially was being raised by his paternal side of the family and I'm sure that was a weird experience that was probably whispered about by family members more so than talked about. Was his 15 year old mother forced to give him up? This wasn't a "normal" adoption, it sounds like internally he grew up feeling weird. Did your family ever seek counseling as he was growing up? There had to have been issues as he was seeing his biological father at family gatherings, etc., that wouldn't be an easy situation for him to process. Sounds like he may have been doing some disassociating while growing up.

Step back and allow him to get to know his maternal side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people have no idea what you are talking about and most of you are projecting wildly based on feelings and experiences that you think are relevant but that are not. I really hope the OP is long gone (and not reading this craziness) and that she has taken the advice to get help from a trained therapist.

For the rest of you, here's some information about the stages and psychology of reunion that may help you understand some of the things that actually could be going on:

http://www.originscanada.org/stages-of-reunion/

http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/stages-of-reunion

Adoption reunion is considerably more complicated than any of you seem to think. Your wild speculation is only going to confuse the OP, who needs real help. Please be more judicious in your comments.

Self-proclaimed expert who is the only one who grasps the complexity of this: I have my own valid experience as someone reunited with my bio sister. I get to have an opinion, and OP asked for it. It won't damage her to know that some people think her brother's actions may BR reasonable and her attitude and tone are out of line.

Hey opinionated adopted person - your own experience is just that. And you still seem really angry so I'm not sure you're experience and opinions are those of a person who handled your own reunion all that well. And yes, it will damage the OP to have her feelings invalidated and trashed as you seem bound and determined to do. (You think your feelings are valid but the OPs aren't???) You don't seem to recognize that reunion affects the whole family and the family's feelings about it are also valid - as are the feelings of the bioparents and any biosiblings. Reunion affects a lot of people. The adoptee is not the only person who matters. The bigger question is - How come you don't know this?

PP here. Who ever said that no one else mattered? Furthermore, who ever said I was an adopted person?

I was reunited with my bio sister, who was surrendered by my mother as a teenager. My mom had been raped by her adult boss at an after school job. My grandmother sent her away to a home for unwed girls and the pregnancy was kept secret. My mom's heart was broken from not being supported or believed after the assault, then broken again at being pressured to give up her child.

When my sister found us, it was a wonderful thing for all of us in our family and for our sister, but her adoptive family did not take it well. Her mom actually told her that adopting her was a mistake and showed her paperwork that showed they actually tried to return her to Catholic Charities when she became very ill soon after placement. Her two other siblings were also adopted but she was the odd man out for whatever reason and always felt rejected and belittled as a child. Basically, her adoptive family are a bunch of assholes and crackpots. When she found our mom, her family stopped speaking to her, and that was simply at the stage when we had only reconnected by phone.

She felt welcomed and accepted in our family for the first time in her life. My dad embraced her like she was his own long lost daughter. My sister will always be sad that her family. So, yeah, I empathize with OP's brother and wonder if there's a reason he's eager to get to his new family.

I am sorry for what your sister went through, but this just confirms what people have been saying all along - that your experience is clouding your judgment and that your projecting issues you are familiar with to cases that have nothing whatsoever in common with them.

PP here again. Of course my experience colors my judgment, but I based by original response to OP not only on what I experienced, but primarily on what she describes with her own words. I am disturbed by her condemnation of her brother's bio mom based on his FAS diagnosis. I think it is notable that she is upset with FB labels that are arguably insensitive to her, but reflect his new reality. OP is his sister, but so is his bio sister. There's no "bio sister" designation on FB; it's just "sister", and the truth is, his bio sister is his sister, too. I recommended that OP try to show some interest in her brother's bio family. Embracing his bio family doesn't have to mean rejecting his adoptive family. It seems like OP is perceiving it that way without any evidence that's the case.

[Anonymous]

lots of butt hurt a moms in this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people have no idea what you are talking about and most of you are projecting wildly based on feelings and experiences that you think are relevant but that are not. I really hope the OP is long gone (and not reading this craziness) and that she has taken the advice to get help from a trained therapist.

For the rest of you, here's some information about the stages and psychology of reunion that may help you understand some of the things that actually could be going on:

http://www.originscanada.org/stages-of-reunion/

http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/stages-of-reunion

Adoption reunion is considerably more complicated than any of you seem to think. Your wild speculation is only going to confuse the OP, who needs real help. Please be more judicious in your comments.

Self-proclaimed expert who is the only one who grasps the complexity of this: I have my own valid experience as someone reunited with my bio sister. I get to have an opinion, and OP asked for it. It won't damage her to know that some people think her brother's actions may BR reasonable and her attitude and tone are out of line.

Hey opinionated adopted person - your own experience is just that. And you still seem really angry so I'm not sure you're experience and opinions are those of a person who handled your own reunion all that well. And yes, it will damage the OP to have her feelings invalidated and trashed as you seem bound and determined to do. (You think your feelings are valid but the OPs aren't???) You don't seem to recognize that reunion affects the whole family and the family's feelings about it are also valid - as are the feelings of the bioparents and any biosiblings. Reunion affects a lot of people. The adoptee is not the only person who matters. The bigger question is - How come you don't know this?

PP here. Who ever said that no one else mattered? Furthermore, who ever said I was an adopted person?

I was reunited with my bio sister, who was surrendered by my mother as a teenager. My mom had been raped by her adult boss at an after school job. My grandmother sent her away to a home for unwed girls and the pregnancy was kept secret. My mom's heart was broken from not being supported or believed after the assault, then broken again at being pressured to give up her child.

When my sister found us, it was a wonderful thing for all of us in our family and for our sister, but her adoptive family did not take it well. Her mom actually told her that adopting her was a mistake and showed her paperwork that showed they actually tried to return her to Catholic Charities when she became very ill soon after placement. Her two other siblings were also adopted but she was the odd man out for whatever reason and always felt rejected and belittled as a child. Basically, her adoptive family are a bunch of assholes and crackpots. When she found our mom, her family stopped speaking to her, and that was simply at the stage when we had only reconnected by phone.

She felt welcomed and accepted in our family for the first time in her life. My dad embraced her like she was his own long lost daughter. My sister will always be sad that her family. So, yeah, I empathize with OP's brother and wonder if there's a reason he's eager to get to his new family.

I am sorry for what your sister went through, but this just confirms what people have been saying all along - that your experience is clouding your judgment and that your projecting issues you are familiar with to cases that have nothing whatsoever in common with them.

PP here again. Of course my experience colors my judgment, but I based by original response to OP not only on what I experienced, but primarily on what she describes with her own words. I am disturbed by her condemnation of her brother's bio mom based on his FAS diagnosis. I think it is notable that she is upset with FB labels that are arguably insensitive to her, but reflect his new reality. OP is his sister, but so is his bio sister. There's no "bio sister" designation on FB; it's just "sister", and the truth is, his bio sister is his sister, too. I recommended that OP try to show some interest in her brother's bio family. Embracing his bio family doesn't have to mean rejecting his adoptive family. It seems like OP is perceiving it that way without any evidence that's the case.

OP nowhere condemned bio mom. She mentioned FAS as something that might be relevant to they way her brother makes decisions (as it might as well be). The brother's embrace of his bio family is done in such a way as to hurt adoptive family. Maybe there is a reason for that but nothing in what we actually know about the case ( as opposed to what you are imputing based on a totally unrelated case) gives us the slightest clue what that could be (or that it is so).