lawyer moms...

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all of your thoughtful responses. It is helpful for me to hear about others' experiences. What I am taking away from this thread is an appreciation for the privilege of having choices. If I quit now, I am giving up a very valuable choice--particularly as I am the main breadwinner in my household by a fair margin and I have a four-day workweek.

I have worked full time at family-friendly and non-family friendly jobs, and also stayed at home with kids full time (please spare me the definitions of work, etc.). I know what each choice entails and it usually comes down to having either time or money.

Unfortunately, telecommuting is not an option. I requested it and got 80% instead. 4 days in the office. Has anyone done an 80% schedule where you come in each day and work shorter days? Is it worth it/helpful? I have heard it is basically taking a pay cut but keeping the same job. I think it would be easier if I could get home at say, 4:30 or 5:00 instead of 7:00 or 7:30. That still leaves me with the commute but it probably wouldn't be as bad traffic-wise at 4 as it is at 6- 6:30.

Part of the reason I want to keep working now, aside from providing financial stability, is to have the flexibility of working fewer hours as my kids get older. However, I know I am not having any more children and I hate to miss so much time with my little ones while they are so young and cute.

I have thought a lot about the daycare idea. I would serve as back-up for a small number of pre-registered families, providing a familiar space and caregiver for little ones when regular care falls through at the last minute. I think there would be plenty of demand and I would get experience as a small-business owner. Plus, there would be days I would just be with my own kids.

Anyway, for now I'll probably just keep at it, as many of you have suggested, and see where I am in a few months or a year. Thanks again. (I got some sleep last night-- can you tell?)

[Anonymous]

OP, I love how carefully you are thinking about this. Often a lot depends on what other acceptable options you have. If you are pleased with the daycare, that is a real blessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of your thoughtful responses. It is helpful for me to hear about others' experiences. What I am taking away from this thread is an appreciation for the privilege of having choices. If I quit now, I am giving up a very valuable choice--particularly as I am the main breadwinner in my household by a fair margin and I have a four-day workweek.

I have worked full time at family-friendly and non-family friendly jobs, and also stayed at home with kids full time (please spare me the definitions of work, etc.). I know what each choice entails and it usually comes down to having either time or money.

Unfortunately, telecommuting is not an option. I requested it and got 80% instead. 4 days in the office. Has anyone done an 80% schedule where you come in each day and work shorter days? Is it worth it/helpful? I have heard it is basically taking a pay cut but keeping the same job. I think it would be easier if I could get home at say, 4:30 or 5:00 instead of 7:00 or 7:30. That still leaves me with the commute but it probably wouldn't be as bad traffic-wise at 4 as it is at 6- 6:30.

Part of the reason I want to keep working now, aside from providing financial stability, is to have the flexibility of working fewer hours as my kids get older. However, I know I am not having any more children and I hate to miss so much time with my little ones while they are so young and cute.

I have thought a lot about the daycare idea. I would serve as back-up for a small number of pre-registered families, providing a familiar space and caregiver for little ones when regular care falls through at the last minute. I think there would be plenty of demand and I would get experience as a small-business owner. Plus, there would be days I would just be with my own kids.

Anyway, for now I'll probably just keep at it, as many of you have suggested, and see where I am in a few months or a year. Thanks again. (I got some sleep last night-- can you tell?)

From law to daycare? You are in for a shock!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of your thoughtful responses. It is helpful for me to hear about others' experiences. What I am taking away from this thread is an appreciation for the privilege of having choices. If I quit now, I am giving up a very valuable choice--particularly as I am the main breadwinner in my household by a fair margin and I have a four-day workweek.

I have worked full time at family-friendly and non-family friendly jobs, and also stayed at home with kids full time (please spare me the definitions of work, etc.). I know what each choice entails and it usually comes down to having either time or money.

Unfortunately, telecommuting is not an option. I requested it and got 80% instead. 4 days in the office. Has anyone done an 80% schedule where you come in each day and work shorter days? Is it worth it/helpful? I have heard it is basically taking a pay cut but keeping the same job. I think it would be easier if I could get home at say, 4:30 or 5:00 instead of 7:00 or 7:30. That still leaves me with the commute but it probably wouldn't be as bad traffic-wise at 4 as it is at 6- 6:30.

Part of the reason I want to keep working now, aside from providing financial stability, is to have the flexibility of working fewer hours as my kids get older. However, I know I am not having any more children and I hate to miss so much time with my little ones while they are so young and cute.

I have thought a lot about the daycare idea. I would serve as back-up for a small number of pre-registered families, providing a familiar space and caregiver for little ones when regular care falls through at the last minute. I think there would be plenty of demand and I would get experience as a small-business owner. Plus, there would be days I would just be with my own kids.

Anyway, for now I'll probably just keep at it, as many of you have suggested, and see where I am in a few months or a year. Thanks again. (I got some sleep last night-- can you tell?)

OP, yes I have worked on an 80 percent schedule with four short days a week. I loved that schedule. Had a couple of solid hours every night with the kids, but still felt very present at work. I recommend doing this schedule if you can.

By the way, I posted earlier as the 80 percent partner at a law firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of your thoughtful responses. It is helpful for me to hear about others' experiences. What I am taking away from this thread is an appreciation for the privilege of having choices. If I quit now, I am giving up a very valuable choice--particularly as I am the main breadwinner in my household by a fair margin and I have a four-day workweek.

I have worked full time at family-friendly and non-family friendly jobs, and also stayed at home with kids full time (please spare me the definitions of work, etc.). I know what each choice entails and it usually comes down to having either time or money.

Unfortunately, telecommuting is not an option. I requested it and got 80% instead. 4 days in the office. Has anyone done an 80% schedule where you come in each day and work shorter days? Is it worth it/helpful? I have heard it is basically taking a pay cut but keeping the same job. I think it would be easier if I could get home at say, 4:30 or 5:00 instead of 7:00 or 7:30. That still leaves me with the commute but it probably wouldn't be as bad traffic-wise at 4 as it is at 6- 6:30.

Part of the reason I want to keep working now, aside from providing financial stability, is to have the flexibility of working fewer hours as my kids get older. However, I know I am not having any more children and I hate to miss so much time with my little ones while they are so young and cute.

I have thought a lot about the daycare idea. I would serve as back-up for a small number of pre-registered families, providing a familiar space and caregiver for little ones when regular care falls through at the last minute. I think there would be plenty of demand and I would get experience as a small-business owner. Plus, there would be days I would just be with my own kids.

Anyway, for now I'll probably just keep at it, as many of you have suggested, and see where I am in a few months or a year. Thanks again. (I got some sleep last night-- can you tell?)

From law to daycare? You are in for a shock!

Parenting is quite a shock for many of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this WOH/SAHM crap is not material to the OP's post. She is asking how moms that are attorneys do it, not whether it is better to SAH or WOHM in general, or who is a better parent, etc. If you don't have something relevant to her question, take the debate elsewhere.

I hope you aren't a lawyer if you aren't able to grasp the basic fact that the who/sah dilemma is precisely what the op is struggling with. The fact that the workplace -particularly in the law firm setting - is fairly hostile to working parents is a huge part of the problem. Clearly many on this board have "solved" the dilemma by choosing one or the other (suggesting that balancing both is the real myth). That, distressing as it might be, is entirely relevant to the essential question at hand!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this WOH/SAHM crap is not material to the OP's post. She is asking how moms that are attorneys do it, not whether it is better to SAH or WOHM in general, or who is a better parent, etc. If you don't have something relevant to her question, take the debate elsewhere.

I hope you aren't a lawyer if you aren't able to grasp the basic fact that the who/sah dilemma is precisely what the op is struggling with. The fact that the workplace -particularly in the law firm setting - is fairly hostile to working parents is a huge part of the problem. Clearly many on this board have "solved" the dilemma by choosing one or the other (suggesting that balancing both is the real myth). That, distressing as it might be, is entirely relevant to the essential question at hand!

Well said. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this WOH/SAHM crap is not material to the OP's post. She is asking how moms that are attorneys do it, not whether it is better to SAH or WOHM in general, or who is a better parent, etc. If you don't have something relevant to her question, take the debate elsewhere.

I hope you aren't a lawyer if you aren't able to grasp the basic fact that the who/sah dilemma is precisely what the op is struggling with. The fact that the workplace -particularly in the law firm setting - is fairly hostile to working parents is a huge part of the problem. Clearly many on this board have "solved" the dilemma by choosing one or the other (suggesting that balancing both is the real myth). That, distressing as it might be, is entirely relevant to the essential question at hand!

Not really. In fact, OP said that she SAH for awhile and is not interested in SAH now. She is trying to figure out how to balance work and family. That is not a SAH/WOH dilemma; it is a WOH dilemma.

[Anonymous]

I work in Big Law with one toddler. Here are some things that make it somewhat manageable - I certainly struggle just like you, OP, and I only have one child. I am perpetually exhausted.

As PPs have noted, telecommuting when possible, esp. when the people I work for will be out of the office anyway. Doesn't make much difference to them if they call me and my assistant patches me in at home.

On days when I don't have an early meeting, I shift my hours later in the day so that I don't waste time in traffic. I get to spend a couple of extra fun hours with my child in the morning, and I spend much less time in the car. On days when I do have a 8 or 9 a.m. meeting, I try to do drop off very early to miminize commute time. I'm lucky because on most days my DH does pick up.

When I travel, I try to get as much done as possible. If I have down time in the evening or at night and I can't be with my child anyway, I figure I might as well work super late. Similarly, if I have to work until 7 pm or later on a regular workday, and I know I won't make it home before my child is in bed anyway, I make it a very late night and get things caught up.

I am starting to see that switching back and forth over the course of the day between family stuff and work stuff makes me inefficient. I feel it works better when I can dedicate entire days to work, which means I do miss breakfast, bedtime, etc. for that day - but then during the next day I am a lot less distracted and stressed.

I would love to hear others' tips. This is a great post OP and I hope others will chime in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this WOH/SAHM crap is not material to the OP's post. She is asking how moms that are attorneys do it, not whether it is better to SAH or WOHM in general, or who is a better parent, etc. If you don't have something relevant to her question, take the debate elsewhere.

I hope you aren't a lawyer if you aren't able to grasp the basic fact that the who/sah dilemma is precisely what the op is struggling with. The fact that the workplace -particularly in the law firm setting - is fairly hostile to working parents is a huge part of the problem. Clearly many on this board have "solved" the dilemma by choosing one or the other (suggesting that balancing both is the real myth). That, distressing as it might be, is entirely relevant to the essential question at hand!

Surely you can grasp that just because YOU have not been able to successfully balance career and parenting does not mean that others cannot?

[Anonymous]

Get a government job - Dept of VA BVA is hiring 100+ lawyers in the next 6 mos. Start pay is maybe GS 11 but goes up 1 GS level every year. And you can work at home after 9+ months and do 30+ hour schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this WOH/SAHM crap is not material to the OP's post. She is asking how moms that are attorneys do it, not whether it is better to SAH or WOHM in general, or who is a better parent, etc. If you don't have something relevant to her question, take the debate elsewhere.

I hope you aren't a lawyer if you aren't able to grasp the basic fact that the who/sah dilemma is precisely what the op is struggling with. The fact that the workplace -particularly in the law firm setting - is fairly hostile to working parents is a huge part of the problem. Clearly many on this board have "solved" the dilemma by choosing one or the other (suggesting that balancing both is the real myth). That, distressing as it might be, is entirely relevant to the essential question at hand!

Surely you can grasp that just because YOU have not been able to successfully balance career and parenting does not mean that others cannot?

Surely someone must be making your children their priority, or are they beyond daycare age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this WOH/SAHM crap is not material to the OP's post. She is asking how moms that are attorneys do it, not whether it is better to SAH or WOHM in general, or who is a better parent, etc. If you don't have something relevant to her question, take the debate elsewhere.

I hope you aren't a lawyer if you aren't able to grasp the basic fact that the who/sah dilemma is precisely what the op is struggling with. The fact that the workplace -particularly in the law firm setting - is fairly hostile to working parents is a huge part of the problem. Clearly many on this board have "solved" the dilemma by choosing one or the other (suggesting that balancing both is the real myth). That, distressing as it might be, is entirely relevant to the essential question at hand!

Surely you can grasp that just because YOU have not been able to successfully balance career and parenting does not mean that others cannot?

Testy, testy. You obviously have no idea of my particulate situation. My comment - and I stand by it- is that even a most cursory look at this thread and the many others regarding work/parent balance suggest that many find it difficult/impossible to achieve an ideal situation. Therefor, I still maintain that any postings related to anything from balance suggestions to sah/who dilemmas are appropriate here. to not recognize that is indeed missing the point. Happy that many on this thread are smart and open-minded enough to see that and arent trying (as you are) to pretend that the answers are simple.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am testy about posters who try to turn every thread into a lecture for working mothers or yet another rehash of the mommy wars, especially when it's not responsive at all to the question posed. If you want to talk about this (for the millionth time this year on DCUM), start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Similarly, if I have to work until 7 pm or later on a regular workday, and I know I won't make it home before my child is in bed anyway, I make it a very late night and get things caught up.

I do this too. I think this is a good tip. Although for me it worked better when I had 1 child. I know how difficult it is to get two young children fed, bathed, and to bed by yourself and so I really try and avoid doing this to DH.