lawyer moms...
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Anonymous
| I'm sure this topic has been done to death, but seriously-- how do you do it? I'm three months back from maternity leave with my second child, working at an 80% schedule and barely hanging on. Not biglaw either, just medium law. I have no idea how I'm going to make my reduced hours requirement this year or next year when I will be expected to return to a full schedule. Seriously thinking of quitting and starting an in-home daycare or something. I know I'm sleep-deprived now, but I just can't see this working for the next five years at least. I don't really want to leave the workforce permanently, but I don't want to spend the next few years in exhausted misery, either. Support? |
Anonymous
| I support your considering the alternative. Doing a small high-quality childcare program can be very satisfying. I did it for almost ten years. It paid the mortgage and private school tuition. |
Anonymous
| Three months back from mat leave is awful. The whole first year back was a train wreck for me, but now my youngest is two and I've gotten my groove back. I'm sleeping at night and I'm not hooked up to a breastpump 3x a day. Those things made a world of difference to how I feel now versus how I felt when I first went back to work. Were you at a firm when your first was born? If so, did things improve once he or she was older? |
Anonymous
| I went in house. Hope you find the right answer for your family. |
Anonymous
| I went to government, to an agency that is family friendly. |
Anonymous
| There are so many factors but definitely don't make your decision based on how things are when you are just back from maternity leave. Sleep-deprived, pumping and trying to figure out how to be a mom makes for a special kind of hell. I work full-time plus and have three boys under 5 at home. My work is very flexible in that I can work from home as needed. I am expected to get my work done and I don't abuse the privilege. I am lucky enough to love my colleagues and think my work is very interesting. Those two things are probably significant differentiators. Things that helped me: (1) recognizing what is good parenting and what is fluff and tuning out the judgmental white noise, (2) getting really organized and smart about my time -- e.g. everything gets delivered, (3) finding the fun in the in-between times (e.g. we have a music party on the drive to day care every day). It does get easier than 3 months out, I promise. If you really hate your job and would not care if you ever went back to it, then go do what you want to do but give yourself time to recover from new-parentness and make the decision when you have had more time to get used to the new normal. At the very least, wait until you are done pumping because that makes a world of difference. |
Anonymous
| I just take it one day at a time. |
Anonymous
| I quit. |
Anonymous
|
I have done it. I made partner at a law firm on an 80 percent schedule. I have two kids that I had when I was an associate.
It was hard. I do a lot of working at night, I am very aggressive and was adamant about not missing opportunities just because I am part time. My husband was working a more relaxed schedule for the first few years and he covered for me a lot so that I could work more. By the time I had my second and went part time, I had established serious relationships with several partners who were willing to vouch for and sponsor me. It is those relationships that got me to partnership and are the reason I feel so lucky to have a flexible schedule where I can come and go as I please as long as the work gets done well and on time. I had to earn the respect of the right people to make it as a lawyer mom at a law firm. It took a lot of perserverance and luck. I came close to quitting a few times and I still think about it often. I forced myself (with the support of my family) to take it one day at time and know that, when it gets really bad, I can leave. |
Anonymous
OP - BIG hug to you. You've brought back some unpleasant memories that I thought I had sucessfully repressed.  However, although 3 months back after the 2nd is miserable, I agree with the pp that you should not make your decision based on how difficult things are at this point in time. I remained in Big Law until mine were 6 and 4. The most difficult time in terms of sleep-deprived (i.e., not knowing how you can do it) was definitely the year after my second was born. The following years posed other challenges, but seemed doable somehow. In retrospect, I am glad I stayed as long as I did. When I decided to leave, although I moved to a job with a better work/life balance, I did not switch jobs because I was exhausted or felt I could not handle my current job, but because I was excited about the new job (in fact, I found a more prestigious job in my same practice area). I am glad now that I did not just quit essentially based on exhaustion or without a real plan (as I was tempted to do at certain points). Hang in there!
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Anonymous
| Try to get a Federal Government job where the hours are 9 to 5. If you are a litigator, however, that 9 to 5 job may be hard to find. Many litigators in the Government work very long hours and don't get the commensurate private law firm salary. There are legal jobs to be had that will not require long hours, though. |
Anonymous
|
thanks everyone. With #1, I worked at a flexible job at a state agency in another state. I miss that job!! We moved here though and I found a firm job after over a year of looking. I have been looking for government jobs and even had an interview on my maternity leave, but those jobs are so tight right now. The interviewer told me over 350 people applied.
I guess I'm just asking-- how do you even do your work the first few years? I feel like I'm doing a terrible job at work. I'm not even getting into how I'm doing at home because you know how it is at home. I am the first one to leave the office and I still don't get home till 7:00 most nights. Baby world until 9 or 10 depending on when the little one finally goes down. I usually do not have the energy to do work after the kids are in bed. I guess I'm just griping, really. |
Anonymous
not relevant but rock on with your bad self, pp! It's awesome to hear about moms making it to partner! |
Anonymous
|
Parenting is a fulltime job. It's demanding and often exhausting. If neither parent is willing or able to take it on, it's important to have someone who will make it the priority. Unless that person is a family member or friend, it can be unbelievably expensive to find an experienced and stable person willing to do the hard work. |
Anonymous
+1, and I went 80% like you. Then I left law altogether to stay home for 5 years. Now I'm in another professional field after returning to school. BTW, I have three kids, two in their teens now and one in college. It was after my second child was born that I started to find practicing law unmanageable. I left when he was about 1.5 years old. I'd hang in for a while to see if things get better. They do for lots of lawyer moms. If you still feel like you do now in a year, you can reevaluate your options. Good luck! |