Suspect Husband of Beign Homosexual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yet you have women posting in this thread who are not lesbians but who on occasion look at pictures of naked women.

Yes, but we enjoy having sex with our husbands! We enjoy watching that porn with our husbands. Very different. We are not conducting a science experiment and hiding it under the bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was completely uninterested in sex when my husband and I were dating and even into our first year of marriage. He was frustrated - and I was frustrated too. Had a lot of tests - it ended up being the hormones in my birth control pills. Went through over a year of trying different pills and finally gave them up altogether.

My husband never thought or suggested I was a lesbian. Of course he wondered if I wasn't attracted to him - it wasn't that - I just wasn't interested in being physical at all. Once my hormones were regulated, I was back to normal.

I would be very offended if my partner kept questioning my sexuality instead of first wondering if perhaps the issue was medical.

EXACTLY! Thank you. I'm the previous poster who pointed out the fact the OP is the one who kept questioning her husband about his sexual preferences.

I'm sorry, but I think some of you have not read the thread very closely. Many men have erection problems. It is a fact of life. Questioning their sexuality is NOT going to help. A visit to the Doctor could help.

I still think the OP has some ownership in the current situation. I don't think it is all her fault nor am I trying to point a finger, but I do think there's a lot of drama going on in her relationship and it might be beneficial for her to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.[/quote]

Thanks for the newsflash. The drama is that this man she has been with for 7 years is probably as gay.

Heck, what do I know, maybe you believed congressman Mark Foley and the gay pictures he liked sending around or that Senator Larry Craig was really just trying to take a leak at the airport when arrested. Both of them say they aren't gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Not everyone man who has ever looked at pictures of men in their underwear is gay.

Looking is one thing, but the OP's husband stashed them away in the guest room, I figure for repeat consumption at a later date & time.

[Anonymous]

I'm with the PPs who insist this man is gay. While I've never questioned my DH's heterosexuality (I haven't had a reason to), I feel quite certain that he knows he's straight and wouldn't need to look at nude males, let alone print them off to save for later use, to help make this determination. I don't need to see pictures of nude females to know that I'm attracted to men. By adulthood, I would think we'd all know whether we're attracted to members of the same or different sex. The only way not to know is if you've been in denial, which I think OP's DH clearly has.

I feel very sorry for OP's DH. He's clearly struggling with this issue. I've known two couples who ended up getting divorced because the husband was gay. In both cases, the man wanted badly to lead a traditional, "normal" life and fought his homosexuality for years before coming to terms with the fact that it couldn't be changed. While it wasn't fair of either of these men to deceive their wives for so long, I admire them for having the guts to come out and end their marriages when they did, rather than drag it out for years and years and involve children in a divorce.

Also, for those PPs who have been giving OP a hard time for asking her DH whether or not he was gay, this is a legitimate question. I'd be willing to bet there are reasons other than the nude pics and the ED that caused OP to question this. Perhaps she doesn't even know the reasons, but something in her gut is questioning him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you've been married 7 years I think therapy is warranted before a divorce lawyer.

Therapy for the OP or for the couple to stay together? Based on the info that the OP posted, I'd think that her was was indeed gay.

How about therapy for the couple to help DECIDE if they want to stay together? I think a neutral 3rd party can be very helpful, and 7 years is a lot of history to just toss away on 24 hours anger IMO. Sending good thoughts your way OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was completely uninterested in sex when my husband and I were dating and even into our first year of marriage. He was frustrated - and I was frustrated too. Had a lot of tests - it ended up being the hormones in my birth control pills. Went through over a year of trying different pills and finally gave them up altogether.

My husband never thought or suggested I was a lesbian. Of course he wondered if I wasn't attracted to him - it wasn't that - I just wasn't interested in being physical at all. Once my hormones were regulated, I was back to normal.

I would be very offended if my partner kept questioning my sexuality instead of first wondering if perhaps the issue was medical.

EXACTLY! Thank you. I'm the previous poster who pointed out the fact the OP is the one who kept questioning her husband about his sexual preferences.

I'm sorry, but I think some of you have not read the thread very closely. Many men have erection problems. It is a fact of life. Questioning their sexuality is NOT going to help. A visit to the Doctor could help.

I still think the OP has some ownership in the current situation. I don't think it is all her fault nor am I trying to point a finger, but I do think there's a lot of drama going on in her relationship and it might be beneficial for her to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.

I guess the question is if your husband had sugested you were gay would that have promted you to go print out porn over a two week period and try to get off to it? probably not...
I agree I too would be very offended if my spouse suggested I might be gay if I didn't want to have sex with him. I too have had issues with BC and it tends to make be very uninterested in sex. That said if my husband had suggested it was my sexual orientation that was in question(very immature BTW) it would not spark my interest in naked women. I wouldn't go "test it out".

He might feel no desire to have sex at all, and if so he would try a lot of things to figure it out. But if that's true then he could have a medical condition, because gay or straight, he should feel something.

If on the other hand, he is gay, then it's better to go into therapy. Now that it is on the table, he will have to come clean at some point very soon if it is true. So immediate divorce helps nothing. But some therapy might help find out the real cause, medical or sexual orientation.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who was in a similar situation, finding out that a long-term boyfriend was gay after seeing him look at material on the internet. I too used to ask him all the time if he was gay. He lied all along (said it disgusted him). Even kept up the front throughout the time we were 'working it out'. He was used to living a lie all the time - to his family, friends, etc. When I thought back, there were other little clues. I guess that's why I always asked him if he was gay. I wish I didn't waste so long 'working it out'. And I wish I had caught something earlier. I'm not saying that your situation is going to turn out the same. But being able to hide things and do things secretly like that is not a good sign. I did the whole 'supportive' thing when I first discovered it to try and get a confession out of him ... and it worked (after we had broken up). A temporary separation might help to get his thoughts together without being scared.

[Anonymous]

There are two different issues here. okay?

one, he has penis problems. Two, he printed out pictures of men. Just because he prints out pictures of men, does not mean he has erection problems and visaversa.

If a Man usually has penis problems, they usually dont print out pictures of men and stash them under the bed. So the penis problem shouldnt even be considered in the argument of if your husband is gay or not.

Fact is, penis problems or not, he printed out pictures of men and hid them from you.

Who knows if he's gay or not, but he's for sure exploring that side of himself.

ITs up to you to decide on if you can accept that type of behaviour or not.

[Anonymous]

1) Yes, it is ok to ask your husband/SO if they are gay.

2) It is *NOT* appropriate to ask them if they are gay because they are having erection issues. Talk about lack of sensitivity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there any signs of homosexuality other than the ED?

I dated a guy that later ended up gay (we broke up b/c of the poor sex). In hind sight, he was always very gay.

I think you may be right. My frustration during the periods of ED made me upset with him frequently and throw out the gay inquiry as a way to find some reason for the ED since urologist saw no hormone related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there any signs of homosexuality other than the ED?

I dated a guy that later ended up gay (we broke up b/c of the poor sex). In hind sight, he was always very gay.

No other signs that i can recall. Sex is great when there is no ED roadblock. And even with ED days/nights, we work on the ED sometimes, but sometimes I am too frustrated to work through it. But we try together most times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just finished reading a book titled * the gift of fear*
In the book it tells us to trust our instinct. A good read for me i must say.

anyways. i find it strange that your husband had to use pictures of men.
why not use some pictures of women..

Trust me he is Gay..
My advice is take time apart to think things thru..
go away or whatever works best for both u and then do what you think is right.

Honestly, how can you say a person you have never met is gay? Do you want this woman to get divorced and then find out her husband really had a medical problem, fixes it, and goes off into the sunset with another woman? The reason he was even trying it out is because his wife suggested he might be gay. And maybe she did that because not every wife has the most healthy reaction to her husband's problems in the bedroom.

You are right. I dont think my reaction to the ED problem has been very healthy. My husband continues to feel terrible when we have periods of great sex and then all of a sudden the ED surfaces again. I have gotten better at being more sensitive, but initially I would get really upset. During these periods of being uspset I woudl ask if he is sure the problem is not one of sexual orientation. Not becuase of anything he did or any way he acted, but becuase the urologist had diagnosed no problems; the psychologist felt that maybe since there was no medical problem causing the ED, it could be caused from some type of psychological problem.

No doubt, my husband is suffering too. And I beleive this is why he did this "experiment" that did not involve outrigt cheating or going out there .... but using his private time to explore one more possibility for continued ED.

I am not sure where my decision will end up. But I am listening to him and we are talking. My husband did admit that he he ever for one minute thought he was gay, he would end our relationship and would not want to continue with IVF. So, he felt it was worth it to try a "dangerous experiment" to ensure he explored this possiblity, but at the same time not breach our commitment of marriage.

So, there is much to contemplate and much work to be done.

Thanks to all of you for your comments. Your comments haver really helped me these past few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:peopleu seem to be missing the point.. this man was found with pictures of other men not wearing much.
i s'pose she shud just go ahead and forget that she found these pics stashed under a bed..

I have been thinking about that. My husband is rather absent minded -- likely most men. I could truly see him doing his "experiment" and just -- without thinking anything about it falling asleep with the folder falling on the ground bsiede the bed. It actually was not tucked under the bed, but seem to have fallen off with the dog's toy -- both items were in the same spot.

My husband is a smart guy. I truly feel that if he wanted to hide the picutures he would have put them somewhere I could not find them. The housekeeper cleans that side of the bed all the time. Moreover, I move around and clean things sometimes. I feel he was not maliciously hiding the folder with the pics. I am trying to beleive him that he just kept the pics to try the experiment under different circumstances -- remember his background as a scientist. Most nights he comes home and go for his run and has to be in bed by 10 pm -- as he has to get in by about 6:00 am in the mornings. So, he is usually tired. According to him most nights he fell asleep and forgot to try the experiment. So this is why he kept the pics for a while (starting after the Main ED problem on the vacation trip in June and then July, Aug) so he could have a few attempts to come to a conclusion as to arousal or no arousal by same sex. He felt that he could not conclude confidently unless he tried when he was not tired; tried when he was not afraid that I was just around the corner coming into the guest room, etc. He also said he tried at work while on call room when he went to sleep because it is private and the door can be closed -- this way he was trying under environment of no threat where he could be free and really private. With many different control environments, he felt no arousal and was confident in concluding that he was not attracted to the same sex, and thus, this was not the main source of his ED.

I am still alert and somewhat suspicious, but I am tryign to add some logic and reason to my review of this issue.

[Anonymous]

If I were you I woudn't even try for therapy. It's obvious he's flat out gay! He can lok at them on-line but to print them out? He probably printed them out to get off on them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yet you have women posting in this thread who are not lesbians but who on occasion look at pictures of naked women.

we look at pitures of other naked women because the fashion industry and media thrust them upon us. I don't know about you, PP, but I as a hetro woman don't print out images of women in their underwear and hide them from my husband with the intention of trying to get aroused by them, but maybe that's just me...