Suspect Husband of Beign Homosexual

[Anonymous]

He's not completely disinterested in having sex with her. He has periodic problems with erection when not on medication. When on medication, he seems not to have difficulty, according to OP.

[Anonymous]

(I was quoting, but should really have said "uninterested.")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another reason not to continue with IVF even if you really do want children right away-- if you want to be a single parent, you should consider whether you prefer an anonymous donor with no parental rights or an ex-spouse with parental rights.

As a divorced parent with joint legal custody, I can't imagine voluntarily producing a child with someone I knew I'd be divorcing, and voluntarily enduring the hardship and heartache of being shackled to that person through my child.

Thanks for sharing this. Was he having erection problems while you were together?

You're welcome. My divorce was unrelated to sexual orientation issues. We broke up because we were horrible together and there was no love between us. I was posting to say that you should not create a child with someone who will have full parental rights if you are breaking up with that someone. It's a nightmare. Want to move out of the city? Go to court. Want to see your child on her birthday even though that's "his" day with her? No way. Want to make sure that your child is taken to the doctor when she has a fever and not dropped off at preschool because he knows you'll pick up and take her? Ha. Want to avoid seeing someone who reminds you of pain and sadness every week? Too bad, so sad. Want to live with your child every day? Nope.

Choosing to sign up for custody with someone you dislike-- and in this case, someone who is minimally going through a psychiatric/physiological issue, and more likely in for an emotionally turbulent major life change-- is nothing short of self-abuse. You are shackled to that ex for the rest of your life. Your next partner has the joy of seeing your struggles with said ex.

I have single friends who adopted and I can tell you unequivocally that especially where there are serious problems between exes and very young children involved, joint custody is far more challenging than pure single parenthood. You have all of the work and exhaustion but not the autonomy to raise your child as you know is best, or protect your child every day. And this man stays in your life, no matter how bad things get between you.

Donor sperm just isn't that hard to get.

If the OP is old enough to feel that time is running out, remember that adoption is an option. If you think you won't feel like a "real" parent, think how unlike a real parent you'll feel when you have to take turns with Christmas or Hannukah.

While I agree that you shouldn't have a child w/ someone you know you will divorce...this post is a little on the extreme side. My ex and I do joint custody and things are going very well. We live a couple streets away, have a friendly relationship, both adore the children and do everything we can to keep them happy, healthy and stable. So happiness can come out of tragedy.

[Anonymous]

I was completely uninterested in sex when my husband and I were dating and even into our first year of marriage. He was frustrated - and I was frustrated too. Had a lot of tests - it ended up being the hormones in my birth control pills. Went through over a year of trying different pills and finally gave them up altogether.

My husband never thought or suggested I was a lesbian. Of course he wondered if I wasn't attracted to him - it wasn't that - I just wasn't interested in being physical at all. Once my hormones were regulated, I was back to normal.

I would be very offended if my partner kept questioning my sexuality instead of first wondering if perhaps the issue was medical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just finished reading a book titled * the gift of fear*
In the book it tells us to trust our instinct. A good read for me i must say.

anyways. i find it strange that your husband had to use pictures of men.
why not use some pictures of women..

Trust me he is Gay..
My advice is take time apart to think things thru..
go away or whatever works best for both u and then do what you think is right.

Honestly, how can you say a person you have never met is gay? Do you want this woman to get divorced and then find out her husband really had a medical problem, fixes it, and goes off into the sunset with another woman? The reason he was even trying it out is because his wife suggested he might be gay. And maybe she did that because not every wife has the most healthy reaction to her husband's problems in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

peopleu seem to be missing the point.. this man was found with pictures of other men not wearing much.
i s'pose she shud just go ahead and forget that she found these pics stashed under a bed..

[Anonymous]

You're missing the point--which is that people are not as simple as you seem to assume. Not everyone man who has ever looked at pictures of men in their underwear is gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:peopleu seem to be missing the point.. this man was found with pictures of other men not wearing much.
i s'pose she shud just go ahead and forget that she found these pics stashed under a bed..

I'm right with you. I can tell you for a fact that my husband would not look at pictures of naked men. His problem is too much hetro pics...grr. I could not even get him to watch Brokeback Monutain (but this is the same guy that would go with me each Tuesday night to Cobalt in Dupont for $2 rail drinks and 80s night).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not assume that he is gay simply because he is interested in looking at pictures of men or even, if it comes to it, gay porn. After so many years, I think you owe it to yourselves to try to discuss this, without or without the help of a therapist, without coming to the table with your minds made up. Good luck in what is obviously a difficult situation.

Really? I'm not the OP but what hetero man has interest of pictures of men in their underwear (or gay porn for that matter)?

exactly. No hetro man prints out pics of other men in underwear to see if they are aroused by them. period.
OP, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You are so very wise to stop IVF immediately. If I were you I would want a divorce too. You have been married to his man for 7 yrs, so yes I hope this can end well without a lot of unnessesary pain for both of you. However, as I see it, the revelation that he is gay or at least curious about being gay, puts a huge crack in the marriage that I can't see being worked thorugh by going to couples therapy. Hopefully you could become friends again later in life but you do not want to be married to a gay man. That is not fair to either of you. Especially you. As another PP stated I wouldn't believe him if he says he'll change. Will you ever feel like you can trust him again? If he is gay, should he have to repress his feelings? Would you want to be married to him if he did?
These are the questions I would be asking myself if I were in your shoes.
I wish you the best of luck. Be thankful that this came about BEFORE children were in the picture. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:exactly. No hetro man prints out pics of other men in underwear to see if they are aroused by them. period..

And you know this because...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just finished reading a book titled * the gift of fear*
In the book it tells us to trust our instinct. A good read for me i must say.

anyways. i find it strange that your husband had to use pictures of men.
why not use some pictures of women..

Trust me he is Gay..
My advice is take time apart to think things thru..
go away or whatever works best for both u and then do what you think is right.

Honestly, how can you say a person you have never met is gay? Do you want this woman to get divorced and then find out her husband really had a medical problem, fixes it, and goes off into the sunset with another woman? The reason he was even trying it out is because his wife suggested he might be gay. And maybe she did that because not every wife has the most healthy reaction to her husband's problems in the bedroom.

Well,I feel sorry for whatever woman he might marry next and go "off into the sunset with", he'll probably be printing out pics of men when she's with him too. Honestly, how can you think a man who prints out pictures of naked men over a 2 week period and then hides them under a bed isn't gay or at least bisexual??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was completely uninterested in sex when my husband and I were dating and even into our first year of marriage. He was frustrated - and I was frustrated too. Had a lot of tests - it ended up being the hormones in my birth control pills. Went through over a year of trying different pills and finally gave them up altogether.

My husband never thought or suggested I was a lesbian. Of course he wondered if I wasn't attracted to him - it wasn't that - I just wasn't interested in being physical at all. Once my hormones were regulated, I was back to normal.

I would be very offended if my partner kept questioning my sexuality instead of first wondering if perhaps the issue was medical.

EXACTLY! Thank you. I'm the previous poster who pointed out the fact the OP is the one who kept questioning her husband about his sexual preferences.

I'm sorry, but I think some of you have not read the thread very closely. Many men have erection problems. It is a fact of life. Questioning their sexuality is NOT going to help. A visit to the Doctor could help.

I still think the OP has some ownership in the current situation. I don't think it is all her fault nor am I trying to point a finger, but I do think there's a lot of drama going on in her relationship and it might be beneficial for her to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:exactly. No hetro man prints out pics of other men in underwear to see if they are aroused by them. period..

And you know this because...?

because the definition of hetrosexuality is being attracted to WOMEN!
He cleary wasn't printing them out for a research project. He was trying to get aroused by them...hello??what don't you understand about that...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was completely uninterested in sex when my husband and I were dating and even into our first year of marriage. He was frustrated - and I was frustrated too. Had a lot of tests - it ended up being the hormones in my birth control pills. Went through over a year of trying different pills and finally gave them up altogether.

My husband never thought or suggested I was a lesbian. Of course he wondered if I wasn't attracted to him - it wasn't that - I just wasn't interested in being physical at all. Once my hormones were regulated, I was back to normal.

I would be very offended if my partner kept questioning my sexuality instead of first wondering if perhaps the issue was medical.

EXACTLY! Thank you. I'm the previous poster who pointed out the fact the OP is the one who kept questioning her husband about his sexual preferences.

I'm sorry, but I think some of you have not read the thread very closely. Many men have erection problems. It is a fact of life. Questioning their sexuality is NOT going to help. A visit to the Doctor could help.

I still think the OP has some ownership in the current situation. I don't think it is all her fault nor am I trying to point a finger, but I do think there's a lot of drama going on in her relationship and it might be beneficial for her to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.

I guess the question is if your husband had sugested you were gay would that have promted you to go print out porn over a two week period and try to get off to it? probably not...
I agree I too would be very offended if my spouse suggested I might be gay if I didn't want to have sex with him. I too have had issues with BC and it tends to make be very uninterested in sex. That said if my husband had suggested it was my sexual orientation that was in question(very immature BTW) it would not spark my interest in naked women. I wouldn't go "test it out".

[Anonymous]

And yet you have women posting in this thread who are not lesbians but who on occasion look at pictures of naked women.