How did divorce/affairs etc. work out for you or people you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who married a former affair partner has problems with jealously and suspicion of cheating.

My first husband and I divorced after four years of marriage, one child. My standard of living took a big hit but I was so glad to be free of him. I've now been married to the same man for 30 years. His standard of living was greatly improved by our marriage but he generally doesn't hold up his end of the bargain. I stay married because getting divorced would upset my social life and standard of living. I'm not impressed with the state of 50 plus women who've divorced. Their exes almost always remarry a younger woman while the wives are left single, hanging out with other divorced women or desperate, dating men of lower social standing. The men often dump them after meeting someone younger.

This is depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who married a former affair partner has problems with jealously and suspicion of cheating.

My first husband and I divorced after four years of marriage, one child. My standard of living took a big hit but I was so glad to be free of him. I've now been married to the same man for 30 years. His standard of living was greatly improved by our marriage but he generally doesn't hold up his end of the bargain. I stay married because getting divorced would upset my social life and standard of living. I'm not impressed with the state of 50 plus women who've divorced. Their exes almost always remarry a younger woman while the wives are left single, hanging out with other divorced women or desperate, dating men of lower social standing. The men often dump them after meeting someone younger.

This is depressing.

Right. She’s basically admitting she’s a whore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I personally ... if I got together for real with my AP would have to do counseling first. I mean, how COULD he trust me (and vice versa) to only want to be with him? Actually, he might be easier as he seems to be only capable of having sex with one woman at a time, so if he stopped having sex with me I'd know. But would he be suspicious of me all the time? very possibly.

I know 3 people who've divorced and married an AP.

1) female, married ex-AP (I don't know if he was single or not) and has two kids, none from first marriage. Still married, 20 years
2) male, married ex-AP (she'd been single) and has 4 kids (plus one from first marriage). Still married, 20 years
3) male, married ex-AP (she'd been single) and has two kids. Still married, 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm closer to 50. I have had an affair with my "love of my life" from age 21 for the past 7 years. He left his wife and kids for me. I came down with cancer and stayed with my husband for health care reasons. I have 4 children. I am now a month away from getting divorced and my affair partner for 7 years just broke it off with me. I am in the process of selling my house, uprooting my children, I carry the letter "A" around my neck (figuratively) in this neighborhood, for what? My affair partner told me that his kids would not accept me (he disclosed me to his wife-who in turn told the kids) and he needed to choose them over me.

I still have a couple of years of cancer treatment to go through, I will have no house soon and have 4 kids. He said he needed them to feel as if they were a priority.

I still love him. I can't go back to my husband-we have both moved on emotionally-Any suggestions? Has anyone had to deal with this? I am broken hearted

Buck up. I'm sorry about your health issues, I'm sorry about your AP breaking it off with you. I am divorced and I love my second partner, however I do regret my second family and blending the kids. Knowing what I know now, I would never do it again.

Could you elaborate on that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm spending a lot of time on the Relationship forum these days and there are lots of discussion of people considering divorce, going through a divorce, finding out about affairs and deciding how to proceed, etc. Just curious from those of you in this age group, who have probably seen this more than a younger crowd has.

So for you, or your friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, etc....hoping you will share some stories about:

-People who regretted their divorce?
-People who left for affair partners? Did it work out, or not?
-People who thrived after being left (found happiness again, remarried, came back stronger, etc.)

Left my cheating and controlling husband with two kids under five.

Am now engaged to a man who's educated, accomplished, handsome, kind, and with whom I am a million times more compatible. He is so good to my kids. My career has improved, too.

I am grateful to have gotten out during my early thirties as opposed to, say, my mid-forties.

[Anonymous]

Among my gal pals, it doesn't seem to have worked out so well for their love-lives. I know 4 women (moms of my sons' friends) who never seem to have enough money and never can find a good relationship. Ages 40 through 65.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm spending a lot of time on the Relationship forum these days and there are lots of discussion of people considering divorce, going through a divorce, finding out about affairs and deciding how to proceed, etc. Just curious from those of you in this age group, who have probably seen this more than a younger crowd has.

So for you, or your friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, etc....hoping you will share some stories about:

-People who regretted their divorce?
-People who left for affair partners? Did it work out, or not?
-People who thrived after being left (found happiness again, remarried, came back stronger, etc.)

Left my cheating and controlling husband with two kids under five.

Am now engaged to a man who's educated, accomplished, handsome, kind, and with whom I am a million times more compatible. He is so good to my kids. My career has improved, too.

I am grateful to have gotten out during my early thirties as opposed to, say, my mid-forties.

So sorry, didn't realize I was posting in the fifties and over forum!!

[Anonymous]

My dad married his affair. They are happy.

My dad is not as close to his children as he would have been had he not been so shitty to us during the period when his interests drifted from our home and our homelife.

He is fine with it, but he is a selfish man. I was not so fine with it, but now I don't really care. However, I don't see my dad as an important person in my life. If he's fine with that, there's nothing more to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bank account took a hit, and I only see DD on weekends (ex was basically a SAHM and I agreed that the stability of staying in the house was best for DD), but it's worth it to be away from my ex's severe mental illness.

And I am having regular sex with a woman who is 10 years younger, 25 pounds lighter, and is just nice to me, which doesn't hurt the situation.

You left your daughter to deal with her mentally ill mother alone.

Classic man.

And he brags about getting laid over being a good dad.

Yuck. A$$hole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bank account took a hit, and I only see DD on weekends (ex was basically a SAHM and I agreed that the stability of staying in the house was best for DD), but it's worth it to be away from my ex's severe mental illness.

And I am having regular sex with a woman who is 10 years younger, 25 pounds lighter, and is just nice to me, which doesn't hurt the situation.

You left your daughter to deal with her mentally ill mother alone.

Classic man.

Why are men so awful? I swear. They cause 99% of the world's problems.

They will easily divorce their spouse and kids to be with the town bicycle. I think if most women could have a good lifestyle with one paycheck they wouldn't give any many the time of day. Always put your kids and pets first.

[Anonymous]

Divorce worked out well for me, though I still have to deal with my ex due to DC.

I love being remarried, but the single years in between marriages were full of so much personal growth that I’m glad I didn’t meet my second husband sooner.

All the people I know who had affairs are happier divorced than they were married, though no one stayed with the person they cheated with. My cousin had an ectopic pregnancy from her affair and is now infertile which sucks, but she is overall happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Among my gal pals, it doesn't seem to have worked out so well for their love-lives. I know 4 women (moms of my sons' friends) who never seem to have enough money and never can find a good relationship. Ages 40 through 65.

Yet many, many women do. The money thing takes time and effort. My income has doubled since my divorce because I took advantage of the nights and weekends my DC were away to get another degree. As for dating, if your other stuff is in line, you will meet a quality partner. Men are attracted to women who make single parenting look effortless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bank account took a hit, and I only see DD on weekends (ex was basically a SAHM and I agreed that the stability of staying in the house was best for DD), but it's worth it to be away from my ex's severe mental illness.

And I am having regular sex with a woman who is 10 years younger, 25 pounds lighter, and is just nice to me, which doesn't hurt the situation.

You left your daughter to deal with her mentally ill mother alone.

Classic man.

Why are men so awful? I swear. They cause 99% of the world's problems.

They will easily divorce their spouse and kids to be with the town bicycle. I think if most women could have a good lifestyle with one paycheck they wouldn't give any many the time of day. Always put your kids and pets first.

So what you’re saying is women are whores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who married a former affair partner has problems with jealously and suspicion of cheating.

My first husband and I divorced after four years of marriage, one child. My standard of living took a big hit but I was so glad to be free of him. I've now been married to the same man for 30 years. His standard of living was greatly improved by our marriage but he generally doesn't hold up his end of the bargain. I stay married because getting divorced would upset my social life and standard of living. I'm not impressed with the state of 50 plus women who've divorced. Their exes almost always remarry a younger woman while the wives are left single, hanging out with other divorced women or desperate, dating men of lower social standing. The men often dump them after meeting someone younger.

This is depressing.

Right. She’s basically admitting she’s a whore.

Plus she thinks being single is the end of the world and nobody could possibly enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bank account took a hit, and I only see DD on weekends (ex was basically a SAHM and I agreed that the stability of staying in the house was best for DD), but it's worth it to be away from my ex's severe mental illness.

And I am having regular sex with a woman who is 10 years younger, 25 pounds lighter, and is just nice to me, which doesn't hurt the situation.

You left your daughter to deal with her mentally ill mother alone.

Classic man.

Why are men so awful? I swear. They cause 99% of the world's problems.

They will easily divorce their spouse and kids to be with the town bicycle. I think if most women could have a good lifestyle with one paycheck they wouldn't give any many the time of day. Always put your kids and pets first.

So what you’re saying is women are whores?

Obviously they were talking about men, duh!