How did divorce/affairs etc. work out for you or people you know?

[Anonymous]

It's like a huge load is off, and I'm so much happier. I wouldn't have been able to stay with him if not for the kids, and we probably would have divorced after both were in college anyway.


FWIW, the separation and soon-to-be finalized divorce were DH's idea--after 20 years DH decided he wanted to ditch the mortgage, date other women (no AP, just OKCupid), use his cash for a sports car instead of the kids' college tuition, and generally just be a bachelor again. I begged him to wait one year until our last child went to college, bukt he's always been selfish and self-centered and this decision was no different. While I was sorry for our son (who was given a choice and chose to live with me for 90% of the past year before starting college last week), I have to say it's secretly a huge relief not to be dealing with DH's all-round personality problems. DH has ADD combined with laziness and a sense of entitlement the size of a house. While I think two mature people could have held it together for just one more year, for DS' sake and to give DSa stable final year in high school, that's not DH's MO.

Secretly, although I don't tell the kids, the separation and soon-to-be-finalized divorce are a huge relief.

[Anonymous]

Getting divorced after 30 years of marriage. Man who has no particular interest in dating. Want to continue growing my business and staying close to my kids. If I meet someone someday, fine, if not, really do not want to go through the dating scrum - did that in my 20s and don't care to repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's like a huge load is off, and I'm so much happier. I wouldn't have been able to stay with him if not for the kids, and we probably would have divorced after both were in college anyway.


FWIW, the separation and soon-to-be finalized divorce were DH's idea--after 20 years DH decided he wanted to ditch the mortgage, date other women (no AP, just OKCupid), use his cash for a sports car instead of the kids' college tuition, and generally just be a bachelor again. I begged him to wait one year until our last child went to college, bukt he's always been selfish and self-centered and this decision was no different. While I was sorry for our son (who was given a choice and chose to live with me for 90% of the past year before starting college last week), I have to say it's secretly a huge relief not to be dealing with DH's all-round personality problems. DH has ADD combined with laziness and a sense of entitlement the size of a house. While I think two mature people could have held it together for just one more year, for DS' sake and to give DSa stable final year in high school, that's not DH's MO.

Secretly, although I don't tell the kids, the separation and soon-to-be-finalized divorce are a huge relief.

I'm sure they are but it is still sad in a way when things end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm closer to 50. I have had an affair with my "love of my life" from age 21 for the past 7 years. He left his wife and kids for me. I came down with cancer and stayed with my husband for health care reasons. I have 4 children. I am now a month away from getting divorced and my affair partner for 7 years just broke it off with me. I am in the process of selling my house, uprooting my children, I carry the letter "A" around my neck (figuratively) in this neighborhood, for what? My affair partner told me that his kids would not accept me (he disclosed me to his wife-who in turn told the kids) and he needed to choose them over me.

I still have a couple of years of cancer treatment to go through, I will have no house soon and have 4 kids. He said he needed them to feel as if they were a priority.

I still love him. I can't go back to my husband-we have both moved on emotionally-Any suggestions? Has anyone had to deal with this? I am broken hearted

My only suggestion is for you to stop being so selfish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting divorced was the best thing I've ever done. It brought me a new life and lots of happiness.

People say it's difficult, and parts of it are indeed difficult. But if you're in a bad marriage, the most difficult thing is the year BEFORE the divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, things usually get better. And better.

I agree with this. My affair partner and I are now married, and are very happy.
I didn't regret my divorce for a second.

Same. And my ex is also remarried, to a woman he met while we were in the process of separating, and also appears to be very happy. However, we didn't have children.

[Anonymous]

This thread is 4 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is 4 years old.

But the subject is always relevant.

[Anonymous]

My divorce was one of the top 5 best decisions I have ever made. My life and that of my children instantly improved (no exaggeration). There was financial hardship from lawyer fees and not receiving CS regularly, but we were so much happier and relaxed with my ex out of the house. I'm pretty sure my kids never knew how truly poor we were for the first 5 years. If they knew, they didn't seem to care. In the long term, the three of us have benefitted from being safer, having better daily routines, having more choices, and building new traditions. My financial situation has improved to pre-divorce levels. I never second guessed getting divorced and I have never regretted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret my divorce because it really just traded one set of problems for another. Would have been better off spending more time on the marriage. There was no affair, at least that I know of.

Or you could have still divorced and simply made better choices post-divorce. Mutual friends have started telling me how my ex gets drunk and complains that his life is so much worse now than when we were married. Tells them that he should have begged me to stay. There was no way I was ever going to stay, but he could have lived the past decade differently if he hadn't been so arrogant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret my divorce because it really just traded one set of problems for another. Would have been better off spending more time on the marriage. There was no affair, at least that I know of.

Or you could have still divorced and simply made better choices post-divorce. Mutual friends have started telling me how my ex gets drunk and complains that his life is so much worse now than when we were married. Tells them that he should have begged me to stay. There was no way I was ever going to stay, but he could have lived the past decade differently if he hadn't been so arrogant.

+1. I stayed in the marital home and now I'm getting mail offers to refinance his apparently $53K in consumer debt. This is after one year of separation. Being divorced doesn't mean you're suddenly free of all behavioral and budget constraints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret my divorce because it really just traded one set of problems for another. Would have been better off spending more time on the marriage. There was no affair, at least that I know of.

Or you could have still divorced and simply made better choices post-divorce. Mutual friends have started telling me how my ex gets drunk and complains that his life is so much worse now than when we were married. Tells them that he should have begged me to stay. There was no way I was ever going to stay, but he could have lived the past decade differently if he hadn't been so arrogant.

You still share the kids, but have less control. Not always easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting divorced was the best thing I've ever done. It brought me a new life and lots of happiness.

People say it's difficult, and parts of it are indeed difficult. But if you're in a bad marriage, the most difficult thing is the year BEFORE the divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, things usually get better. And better.

I agree with this. My affair partner and I are now married, and are very happy.
I didn't regret my divorce for a second.

Do you have kids and do they know you are a cheater? I can't imagine going through life with my kids knowing that and having no respect for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm closer to 50. I have had an affair with my "love of my life" from age 21 for the past 7 years. He left his wife and kids for me. I came down with cancer and stayed with my husband for health care reasons. I have 4 children. I am now a month away from getting divorced and my affair partner for 7 years just broke it off with me. I am in the process of selling my house, uprooting my children, I carry the letter "A" around my neck (figuratively) in this neighborhood, for what? My affair partner told me that his kids would not accept me (he disclosed me to his wife-who in turn told the kids) and he needed to choose them over me.

I still have a couple of years of cancer treatment to go through, I will have no house soon and have 4 kids. He said he needed them to feel as if they were a priority.

I still love him. I can't go back to my husband-we have both moved on emotionally-Any suggestions? Has anyone had to deal with this? I am broken hearted

My only suggestion is for you to stop being so selfish

Sorry for your cancer. As to all the rest of your misery, you deserve it all and more. Cheaters karma...

[Anonymous]

Well I cant say exactly how thing end up cause I married my 1st girlfriend my divorce from an abusive woman who made our lives hell ( Used my oldest daughter). In the mean time we've had two other girls and now we are on the rocks. Shes accusing me of cheating and with no proof just a feeling. I've attemoted to show her everything google locate, credit card statements, bank statements, emails, phone, etc. and shes not having it. I dont know if this is her midlife crisis or what It sucks though cause I love her dearly and never saw myself with another woman the way I do with her.

[Anonymous]

My bank account took a hit, and I only see DD on weekends (ex was basically a SAHM and I agreed that the stability of staying in the house was best for DD), but it's worth it to be away from my ex's severe mental illness.

And I am having regular sex with a woman who is 10 years younger, 25 pounds lighter, and is just nice to me, which doesn't hurt the situation.