How did divorce/affairs etc. work out for you or people you know?

[Anonymous]

I know 2 couples where it turned out terribly. One man left his wife and kids after 25 years for a old flame who "looked" him up. Turned out she was newly divorced and bankrupt. We saw her divorce papers online in the recorded docs. Just another predator in our society.

His wife ended up with the house since she had the kids. When the older one got married the ex dh wasn't invited. The kids for the most part cut him off. After having a home paid off and a retirement cheater didn't foresee at age 50 the big financial hit that would happen. Add insult to injury cheaters new "love" died from some heart valve thing. With the other couple the wife left for a old flame while her husband was going through chemo. Oddly a year later she got cancer and finally died. Divorcing is one thing but cheating and leaving is another. That usually doesn't end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bank account took a hit, and I only see DD on weekends (ex was basically a SAHM and I agreed that the stability of staying in the house was best for DD), but it's worth it to be away from my ex's severe mental illness.

And I am having regular sex with a woman who is 10 years younger, 25 pounds lighter, and is just nice to me, which doesn't hurt the situation.

You left your daughter to deal with her mentally ill mother alone.

Classic man.

Why are men so awful? I swear. They cause 99% of the world's problems.

They will easily divorce their spouse and kids to be with the town bicycle. I think if most women could have a good lifestyle with one paycheck they wouldn't give any many the time of day. Always put your kids and pets first.

Let's talk about PP's ex wife contribution to their failed marriage: no regular sex, not thin, and not nice to him. Gee I wonder why that awful man left her? Definitely HIS fault.

[Anonymous]

I'm 50. My long divorced parents are still fighting. it takes a continuous effort for me to not hate them both as a result.

THey both have tons of good thing she in their over, and money enough, so this makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

I always wished my parents would divorce. Growing up with all the fighting was tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bank account took a hit, and I only see DD on weekends (ex was basically a SAHM and I agreed that the stability of staying in the house was best for DD), but it's worth it to be away from my ex's severe mental illness.

And I am having regular sex with a woman who is 10 years younger, 25 pounds lighter, and is just nice to me, which doesn't hurt the situation.

You left your daughter to deal with her mentally ill mother alone.

Classic man.

Why are men so awful? I swear. They cause 99% of the world's problems.

They will easily divorce their spouse and kids to be with the town bicycle. I think if most women could have a good lifestyle with one paycheck they wouldn't give any many the time of day. Always put your kids and pets first.

Let's talk about PP's ex wife contribution to their failed marriage: no regular sex, not thin, and not nice to him. Gee I wonder why that awful man left her? Definitely HIS fault.

I didn’t see the reason for the divorce in the post. Just what’s happening now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm closer to 50. I have had an affair with my "love of my life" from age 21 for the past 7 years. He left his wife and kids for me. I came down with cancer and stayed with my husband for health care reasons. I have 4 children. I am now a month away from getting divorced and my affair partner for 7 years just broke it off with me. I am in the process of selling my house, uprooting my children, I carry the letter "A" around my neck (figuratively) in this neighborhood, for what? My affair partner told me that his kids would not accept me (he disclosed me to his wife-who in turn told the kids) and he needed to choose them over me.

I still have a couple of years of cancer treatment to go through, I will have no house soon and have 4 kids. He said he needed them to feel as if they were a priority.

I still love him. I can't go back to my husband-we have both moved on emotionally-Any suggestions? Has anyone had to deal with this? I am broken hearted

Buck up. I'm sorry about your health issues, I'm sorry about your AP breaking it off with you. I am divorced and I love my second partner, however I do regret my second family and blending the kids. Knowing what I know now, I would never do it again.

Could you elaborate on that?

NP here. I have a blended family. I would also not do it again. It's hard. There is always a background fighting for (or comparing) of resources. Even when there is plenty of money to go around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm closer to 50. I have had an affair with my "love of my life" from age 21 for the past 7 years. He left his wife and kids for me. I came down with cancer and stayed with my husband for health care reasons. I have 4 children. I am now a month away from getting divorced and my affair partner for 7 years just broke it off with me. I am in the process of selling my house, uprooting my children, I carry the letter "A" around my neck (figuratively) in this neighborhood, for what? My affair partner told me that his kids would not accept me (he disclosed me to his wife-who in turn told the kids) and he needed to choose them over me.

I still have a couple of years of cancer treatment to go through, I will have no house soon and have 4 kids. He said he needed them to feel as if they were a priority.

I still love him. I can't go back to my husband-we have both moved on emotionally-Any suggestions? Has anyone had to deal with this? I am broken hearted

Buck up. I'm sorry about your health issues, I'm sorry about your AP breaking it off with you. I am divorced and I love my second partner, however I do regret my second family and blending the kids. Knowing what I know now, I would never do it again.

Statistics not only back up the "blended" myth but one can merely look around to see the impact. Think about it. What kids wants step parents, bf/gf's living in their home or heaven forbid kids from other people. It disgusts me when I see what some friends/family/acquaintances have done to their own blood. Then wonder why their kids are resentful or have problems.

Could you elaborate on that?

NP here. I have a blended family. I would also not do it again. It's hard. There is always a background fighting for (or comparing) of resources. Even when there is plenty of money to go around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at 52, and am the better for it. I could not see spending the rest of my life trying to make a sorry marriage better, or staying married for "social" reasons. I ended it so have always been seen as the "bad guy" by my kids and my previous social set, but it was the most liberating thing I could have done! There was a sizable discrepancy in income that made the decision easier too.

Did you have a job or career that you enjoyed before the divorce? Were you financially stable? This is what I'm worried about. After 32 years I just found out that my DH cheated on me a 2nd time in 2 years and now I need to figure out to do. If I was courageous and had a better job I'd leave now. I'm 59 so new job prospects are slim. Both kids are grown. My therapist is insisting that I write down what I want out of life or what life would like (whether or not it included DH). I can imagine myself much happier and less stressed without him but then I think about the financial aspect and I get freaked.

[Anonymous]

Here's my story:

I was the primary bread winner. We had just bought a brand new house and had a baby. Then H had a full-blown affair. I gave him a chance to ditch the trollop. He did not. (She claimed she was pregnant and was going to have an abortion unless he immediately left us. He didn't. She claimed to go through with the abortion.)

The first year or two was financially tough.

He married the trollop. She indulges him. They are in a precarious financial situation. She is unable to have any kids. (Did she lie about the abortion? Did the abortion make her infertile?? Who knows.)

Our baby is a teen now. She wants nothing to do with her Dad. (I am the one that encourages daughter and her dad to have a relationship. Ex-h is too lazy. His now wife too jealous.) I communicate with him more/less strained than she does.

I am much happier. I feel I made a good example for our daughter. My daughter is better off growing up with "just" me (for all intents and purposes) and not around a bunch of arguing and resentment.

Don't assume that you will be screwed financially. Talk to a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

DH has an affair on my best friend, no kids. She was the primary wage earner, they divorced, he asked the AP to marry him, she declined. He got fired, went through bankruptcy, finally found another girlfriend. My friend is in a better financial situation, but has not found another guy she likes.

Anotehr friend got tired of her DH ignoring her, he refused to go to counseling or work on the relationship. She had an affair, left DH and son for the AP, gave DH the house, everything. They were both happy to get the divorce at the time; she is happy and married to the AP but her relationship with her son is ruined. Her DH has not been able to have any permanent relationships, and regrets not working harder on the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting divorced was the best thing I've ever done. It brought me a new life and lots of happiness.

People say it's difficult, and parts of it are indeed difficult. But if you're in a bad marriage, the most difficult thing is the year BEFORE the divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, things usually get better. And better.

Do you have children? If so how old are they?

[Anonymous]

I have been with my women for 7.5 years since she was 16 . We got married in November last year. In July of this year she was hospitalized from her mental health issues. In late August she started new meds 3 weeks later after only being married 9 months she told me she loved me but didn’t love me like that anymore and That she’s loved me on and off for months. She filed for divorce in a short 2 weeks , she had been texting an old guy friend she ran back into a few months ago, during our separation she went and hung out with him on a few weekends. Our divorce was final on November 27th. I think it’s either her bipolar at fault because she just flipped out of no where she’s acting completely crazy and bitter. After not evening Bernini gone 3 days she was like I’m so much happier now which is crazy. I also think her hospitalization could of caused her to go into crisis , she was like I just wanna go out and have fun with my friends and just live life. She was like I’m go back to college and get my degree. She has all these ideas about just starting all kinds of new stuff. During the divorce she would try to play games with me, she told me she was done with me and wanted to just forget me but she continued to try to get me to react to her. Anyone else think like me that in a few months she’ll realize once she starts to think that she’ll regret leaving me. I went through a lot with her and never left when it got rough. This whole situation is just biazzre

[Anonymous]

When the kids are older they can figure out exactly what’s going on and they can be very unforgiving, as XDH learned to his detriment. Neighbors and your kids’ friends’ parents may even take it on themselves to share their opinions with your kids—this happened twice with my high school and college-age kids who told me what was said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting divorced was the best thing I've ever done. It brought me a new life and lots of happiness.

People say it's difficult, and parts of it are indeed difficult. But if you're in a bad marriage, the most difficult thing is the year BEFORE the divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, things usually get better. And better.

Agreed. If you're divorcing for the right reasons (abuse, etc) this is especially true.

How do you know if you are being abused if it's not physical? I ask this seriously. I'm making the step of going to a counselor to relay a couple incidents as neutrally as possible (i.e. just state what happened, not feelings, etc) as I need to know if I'm being hypersensitive or if there is really something to be confused/upset about. When you are in the middle of things, it's really hard to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at 52, and am the better for it. I could not see spending the rest of my life trying to make a sorry marriage better, or staying married for "social" reasons. I ended it so have always been seen as the "bad guy" by my kids and my previous social set, but it was the most liberating thing I could have done! There was a sizable discrepancy in income that made the decision easier too.

Did you have a job or career that you enjoyed before the divorce? Were you financially stable? This is what I'm worried about. After 32 years I just found out that my DH cheated on me a 2nd time in 2 years and now I need to figure out to do. If I was courageous and had a better job I'd leave now. I'm 59 so new job prospects are slim. Both kids are grown. My therapist is insisting that I write down what I want out of life or what life would like (whether or not it included DH). I can imagine myself much happier and less stressed without him but then I think about the financial aspect and I get freaked.

We are soul sisters. I'm 56 and terrified financially, even though there are significant assets in both our names. I am highly degreed, but left the work world when my kids were born. No regrets there, but financially it's terrifying. Husband isn't cheating but there are other reasons why we are so strained.