How did divorce/affairs etc. work out for you or people you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Among my gal pals, it doesn't seem to have worked out so well for their love-lives. I know 4 women (moms of my sons' friends) who never seem to have enough money and never can find a good relationship. Ages 40 through 65.

I'm not sure I'd want another relationship. I'm good with my sister and cats. We are going to be that old lady on the Simpsons - LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My bank account took a hit, and I only see DD on weekends (ex was basically a SAHM and I agreed that the stability of staying in the house was best for DD), but it's worth it to be away from my ex's severe mental illness.

And I am having regular sex with a woman who is 10 years younger, 25 pounds lighter, and is just nice to me, which doesn't hurt the situation.

You left your daughter to deal with her mentally ill mother alone.

Classic man.

Why are men so awful? I swear. They cause 99% of the world's problems.

They will easily divorce their spouse and kids to be with the town bicycle. I think if most women could have a good lifestyle with one paycheck they wouldn't give any many the time of day. Always put your kids and pets first.

Let's talk about PP's ex wife contribution to their failed marriage: no regular sex, not thin, and not nice to him. Gee I wonder why that awful man left her? Definitely HIS fault.

I didn’t see the reason for the divorce in the post. Just what’s happening now.

Ignore that PP, he is projecting his own unhappiness. The husband divorced her because the OW looked him up and vigorously stalked him. Before that the marriage was pretty decent. I guess somehow he thought it would be greener with this woman. He died fairly recently, and alone.

[Anonymous]

All the people I know who were the ones being left in the divorce have moved on and are happy. All the ones who left the other person seem to either still be single and unhappy or in a new relationship and unhappy. Like maybe what they were looking for doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the people I know who were the ones being left in the divorce have moved on and are happy. All the ones who left the other person seem to either still be single and unhappy or in a new relationship and unhappy. Like maybe what they were looking for doesn't exist.

This is an astute observation.

Yes, some people leave because the spouse was abusive, addicted, or for other reasons.

But in other cases, like mine, the spouse left for supposed greener pastures. There’s a phenomenon among depressed people where they think that moving, or changing jobs, or changing partners, is the solution to all their problems and will finally make them happy. The problem is, they always take themselves along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the people I know who were the ones being left in the divorce have moved on and are happy. All the ones who left the other person seem to either still be single and unhappy or in a new relationship and unhappy. Like maybe what they were looking for doesn't exist.

I think if someone cheats or treats their family badly they were probably unstable to begin with. They had that tendency from being poorly raised or just developed a poor character. They rarely do well.

I have to say I've seen the same thing.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother got tired of my grandfather's cheating and divorced him when he took 4 yr old me to his aps house. Everyone remarried. My grandmother was widowed after 15 yrs, nearly 30 yrs later my grandpa is still with his ap ( now wife)

My great grandmother was the other woman. She and the first wife were cordial for all of their kids ( nearly 20 total). The kids grew up close. My great grandmother and great grandfather were married for more than 50 yrs before he died.

[Anonymous]

But in other cases, like mine, the spouse left for supposed greener pastures. There’s a phenomenon among depressed people where they think that moving, or changing jobs, or changing partners, is the solution to all their problems and will finally make them happy. The problem is, they always take themselves along.

+1

[Anonymous]

My exDW left me for someone else and I think she is happy. Unfortunately for those who think there is some kind of karmic retribution for poor behavior you might be waiting a while for it to happen.

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends met her AP at work. After the divorce, the mixed families didn't really work out, but the AP was put first. Big mistake. Now, they are unhappy, but they broke up two families, so they feel like they have to make it work. Regrets all around. She thought is wouldn't happen to her, and that this time it will work, he's my soul mate, yadda yadda. Love is blind, until it isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But in other cases, like mine, the spouse left for supposed greener pastures. There’s a phenomenon among depressed people where they think that moving, or changing jobs, or changing partners, is the solution to all their problems and will finally make them happy. The problem is, they always take themselves along.

+1

+2

Blaming someone else never works, taking responsibility for your problems does work.

[Anonymous]

9:04 seems very mature.

Whenever DCUrbanMom discusses marriage and affairs, the level of defensiveness and projection is so over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But in other cases, like mine, the spouse left for supposed greener pastures. There’s a phenomenon among depressed people where they think that moving, or changing jobs, or changing partners, is the solution to all their problems and will finally make them happy. The problem is, they always take themselves along.

+1

I get that you are who you are and your problems follow you, but if you live in an area with crappy job opportunities or don't like the geography, a change can help. Or what about a partner who just wants to limit you? Why should you stay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But in other cases, like mine, the spouse left for supposed greener pastures. There’s a phenomenon among depressed people where they think that moving, or changing jobs, or changing partners, is the solution to all their problems and will finally make them happy. The problem is, they always take themselves along.

+1

Great post. I am surprised at all the couples we've known who fell into this. One lady I knew just divorced her second husband when she clearly should have stayed with the first. Their kids have problems from it all. Unless she marries well she'll never have money. Divorces are costly.

People also mistake lust for love. While I've seen some 2nd marriages work out the vast majority do not. Often the families are messed up as well as the finances.