Lessons Learned - The College Application Process

[Anonymous]

William and Mary suicide epidemic is tha parents fault. What a bunch of jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lighten up, people. You're in danger of producing perfect little darlings who will go off to Harvard, crack up, and discover they can't function as adult human beings. Your investment will end with them living in your basement at age 30.

Seen it. Back off. 1:07 is right.

- a Harvard and Yale grad who has worked-- recently -- for both colleges' admissions offices.

Because so many Harvard grads "crack up" and can't function as adults.

[Anonymous]

My brother is one of them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Wow. I don't know how you best develop a balance between preparing appropriately for college and losing perspective but I think some of y'all have slid over on the losing perspective side.

To each his/her own. We will be paying a quarter of a million dollars for college. That's a huge investment. And the last really big parental obligation to the future of my child. It's worth the effort.

It used to be that at then end of high school, graduates were seen as young adults who set out to be more independent and to start to live their own life. Now we have parents as early as MS scripting their child's lives all the way through college. Soon it will be that parents script and financially support kids till the end of their twenties - there will be no end to adolescence! At some point you have to back off and start letting your children grow-up and make decisions and live their own lives.

The time to back off for us isn't when a quarter of a million dollars is the investment. Feel free to do that yourself if you'd like. Like I said, to each his/her own.

I find this a particularly troubling post. I know college is expensive, and we are all anxious that our children do well in life, but to consider college an "investment" seems a little off to me. Do you consider your child an "investment," PP? Do you expect a return on all the money you have "invested" in your child? Will you receive interest on this "investment"?

We recently moved to this region of the country, and are appalled by the intensity of the college application process here on the East Coast, and in the DC area in particular. Parents seem to view their child's choice of college as a direct reflection on the rightness of the parents' own "investment" in their child. That's what I find off.

I have a child in high school, and yes, we are starting to think about college. But I'm trying very, very hard to stay as low-key as possible, and not allow my child to get caught up in the college hysteria. DC goes to a competitive private school, is a good student and athlete, yet I could not care less where my child attends college, as long as my child is happy and comfortable with the choice. I went to an Ivy League school, but that was a long time ago, and I'm certain my child would not be accepted to the same school. (BTW, I was accepted at U of Chicago, and I turned my nose up completely at it! It was my safety school! I'm shocked to learn it's so difficult to get into now!)

I don't think of college as an investment. I think of it as four years for my child to grow intellectually, emotionally, socially, and yes, physically, into an adult. I don't see it as preparation for a job or graduate school. I loved my college years because they broke open for me an entire universe I'd never considered previously. To this very day, I see the imprint of my college years on nearly everything I do. Graduate school was my job preparation, but my undergraduate years were for exploration, and I treasured every minute of that precious opportunity, which has never presented itself again.

We won't look at colleges, unless DC asks us to, until the summer after sophomore year or later. DC is already asking about selective colleges, and I've been saying that "the best college is the one that's right for you." I will support my child, but I refuse to get caught up in preparing or pushing my child toward one school or another, as I see many parents doing. In my child's sport, I witnessed a parent screaming at his child for not doing better at this sport because the child's chances for getting into an Ivy League school would be diminished. This is a very financially successful self-made parent who apparently views his child as an extension of himself. If the kid doesn't get into an Ivy, the parents' "investment" will not pay dividends. So sad. I'm glad I'm strong enough not to see my child as an accomplishment or a reflection of my own value. I have not "invested" anything in my child, except love, which is already repaid many, many times over.

Well, if you are not going to get all hyped up about the college process...and apparently won't be applying at some of these so-called "selective" schools...then that leaves at least one seat for the rest of us to jockying for!

[Anonymous]

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Well, if you are not going to get all hyped up about the college process...and apparently won't be applying at some of these so-called "selective" schools...then that leaves at least one seat for the rest of us to jockying for!

Um, you do know its your child who will be applying to college, not you, don't you?

[Anonymous]

Read The Blessing of a B Minus, by Wendy Mogel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read The Blessing of a B Minus, by Wendy Mogel.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is one of them.

Mine's unfortunately like most of the Harvard bunch...rolling in dough and loving it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is one of them.

Mine's unfortunately like most of the Harvard bunch...rolling in dough and loving it.

Why is that unfortunate?

[Anonymous]

I know this is an old thread, but freshman year? Really? No. Your kid cannot possible know what they want for their next step when they haven't even gotten 1/4 of the way through the current one. I also disagree on thinking about college placement starting with middle school courses/every single course. Kids should take classes because they enjoy them and are challenged, not to get into college. It's ridiculous that so many parents have lost sight of what high school is, i.e. NOT simply a vehicle for getting into college. That approach has a high risk of burnout or of simple, horrible unhappiness and depression on the part of the teenager.

My (and my DC's) tips-
1. Write things down. If you visit a lot of schools, especially in one trip, they can all blur together.
2. Have DC keep all their important stuff like transcript, essays, and mail in one place
3. If you have no idea what you want, first figure out what you don't want. For example, DC didn't want to go to school in the South. Cross that off. Didn't want California because of the travel distance. Cross that off.
4. You don't have to visit every school you apply to.
5. If you can, apply early action (non-binding) because it makes senior year a lot easier
6. Not every kid needs test prep. Some kids improve remarkably from the first time they take the test to the second, with no prep. If you think prep would be beneficial then go for it, but don't feel pressure just because everyone else is doing it.
7. Spend time on the essays and show, don't tell.
8. Fill out the easy parts of the common app (basically everything besides the personal statement and supplements) in August before school.

[Anonymous]

All I would say is if you are not "hooked", and you are asian or white, please make your child apply to a wide range of schools.

I went through the process about 10 years ago and got rejected by 5 out of the 7 schools I applied to (I'm Indian-American); got into Carnegie Mellon and my state flagship (neither school I wanted to attend) and decided on my state flagship as CMU was/is terrible with financial aid.

To this day I regret not applying to more schools in the CMU (15-25) range like Emory, Vandy, and Georgetown. The 5 schools I got rejected from were all top 7-10 USNWR schools.

My brother, who is 7 years younger than me, was a 'hooked' applicant as I made sure he focused on being the best soccer player he could be instead of 'well rounded' like I was. He is now at a top-3 LAC and having a much better collegiate experience than I did (I was the better academic student in HS compared to him).

Lastly, and this more for Asian and Indian-American students/parents....look at Vanderbilt as a serious choice for applying; it is unique among the top 25 privates in that it has a pretty low % of Asians/Indians compared to its top 25 private peers. You don't face the same competition in terms of being an 'over-represented minority' like you do when you apply to virtually the whole rest of the top 25 USNWR.

[Anonymous]

I had two nieces leave for college a few weeks ago and the one thing I learned for my own child - do not make college the first time a child spends time from home.

Both of my nieces had never spent more than 1 night away from home and the shock of being hundreds of miles from home for the first time is hitting them both very hard and one is already begging to drop out and return home.

[Anonymous]

A PP here. I commented earlier in this thread and a lot of other threads on this subject. I have 2 currently in college and one starting junior year in HS. From our experience, the top schools have always looked for high school kids with an “identifiable public passion” whether it be through athletics, art, drama, debate, music or whatever. These schools want students who are good in the classroom, but also can help spread the brand of the school. They want people who can represent the school externally. A student with good grades who just “reads for fun” or has isolated extracurriculars is going to be at a disadvantage in the admissions process at a lot of top schools. A kid who just goes to class and the library is not the type of kid most top schools (especially SLAC’s) want a lot of. They want people who will be leaders and “add value” to the university, not necessarily the person with the highest SAT score and GPA. These schools want to know what talent you have that will be a shared benefit to the college community. Some students may not be as brilliant as the stereotypical nerd, but they often possess other intangibles and skills that help them succeed in college and beyond. I would imagine that college admissions officers at top schools have figured this out – after all, it is their job. An earlier PP used the word average in an earlier post and I responded. In attempting to "prepare" their kids for these highly selective schools, a lot of parents in this area are making their kids "average" - meaning that they have the same profile as 50 other kids in their graduating class. Assuming that your DC has a GPA and test scores within range, folks should not focus on what makes their DC like other applicants - they should focus on what sets their child apart from other applicants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had two nieces leave for college a few weeks ago and the one thing I learned for my own child - do not make college the first time a child spends time from home.

Both of my nieces had never spent more than 1 night away from home and the shock of being hundreds of miles from home for the first time is hitting them both very hard and one is already begging to drop out and return home.

This is sad. Its why I believe in overnight camp if you can afford it. But I suppose for most of the folks with kids applying to colleges, its too late for that.

[Anonymous]

Can we take the word passion over to the trash can and drop it in?